What is it with twins?

[FabacrombieAndBitch]

I have 6 month old twins. Everyone with almost no exception tells me I need to separate them at school. These aren't even parents of twins either, just random people
AIBU to tell them to just bugger off 🤬

I'm a twin and I love my sister with all my heart, but if I'd have had twins I would have dressed them differently and if possible put them in separate classes. They are individuals in their own right, not part of a set.
I'm probably projecting my own experience here. We are still known 50 years later as 'the twins'. One of us is described as the quiet one, the other the huffy one. The one with the fatter face.
Our teacher who couldn't tell the difference, to hide his embarrassment meshed our two names together and called us the two Jans.

Do they mean separate them into different schools or different classes? Either way it's none of their business!
My two did a mixture of different classes/same class to begin with (this was an option as school mixed the classes up every year). Now at year 3 they're in different schools, but only because they've gone to single sex schools. I really don't think it's a big deal whether they're together or not though.

My twins are non-identical girls, who will be starting single form entry next September. They have a great bond, but are like chalk and cheese, and have different friends already. One is blonde, the other brunette, so people don't treat them as one entity, thankfully.

I've been to school with 3 sets of twins, DS1 has been to school with 1, none of them were separated. With one set, it wouldn't have made any difference anyway, as they did their homework separately and still got identical answers.

I was a TA in a primary school, most years in KS1 and , although it was advised to split twins, triplets, if parents demanded ( and I used that word deliberately) then they'd be put together in the same class.

It did cause some issues but they were generally easy to deal with.
Most parents wanted twins/triplets separated.

Had fraternal twins in a class once. Both had behavioural difficulties that involved stopping teaching. It was very difficult.

Most parents of twins I know have had them in separate classes. One mum didn’t (kept them together) and by yr 6 regretted it - they’re yr8 now so I’m sure it no longer matters what happened in primary! I say the mum, because I’ve no idea of her partner’s view on it.

Far too early to be even thinking about that! Random why people feel the need to pass on ‘advice’
I went to school with twins they had the same friends at school so would be unfair to have split them - but they are very different people!! Other friends set of boy/girl twin and the girl went onto marry her brothers best friend!! They had different friends, and completely different academically so took different paths in school and uni.

My twins are now 18, I’ve always let them do their own thing. At primary it was single form entry so they were together, with two other sets in their class. At secondary there were some twins who wanted to be in the same form but mine didn’t. Is at sixth form they will travel in the same bus but walk to the bus stop separately! They’d still defend each other no matter what though. They are their own people, and that has nothing to do with their class in early years education.

Bizarre that they say this now. My twins are 18months and no one has ever said this to me. I get plenty of are they twins, are they identical, double trouble etc. though!

Meant to add, people do seem to think they’re entitled to comment or opine on twins more than singletons.

When you have twins there is always someone close by with an unwanted opinion.

My twins - I always thought one would benefit from being separated the other from staying together - they go to a one form entry so we didn’t have to decide!

[quote FabacrombieAndBitch]@Icytundra I don't mean now! But people tell me I need to do it when they are 5. Why would I need to split them up? It will be all they know![/quote]
We usually split twins in classes because:

1. It allows them to develop and be recognised as individual people rather than just being one of 'the twins'
2. It gives them different friendship groups, meaning they can fall out with their sibling and have a friend to confide in about it.
3. If there's a dominant twin, it forces the other one to be more independent and encourages them to begin to trust themselves more, rather than allowing their twin to speak for them all the time.

I have twins. We did not split them in Junior school as Montessori pre-school told us they always had separate friends so didn't cling to each other.

They enjoy being in each other's company but have separate friendship groups.

You know your children best-ignore the armchair experts!

I have twins.

One thing I found was that they spend so much time together it's really hard for them to branch out to find their own niches if they aren't in separate classes and easier for one to fall under the other's shadow. It's easy to think of them as needing each other more than other siblings, but there's no truth in that. They have all the faculties and abilities of other children, and the same need for diversity of experience and opportunity if they're going to find their own footing.

I've also found that teachers and other kids parents (but not so much other kids) tend to treat them as a natural pair. Mine are currently in the same class as the school is one form entry. At first I had to constantly remind the teachers not to pair them up together and not to put them at the same reading/math/whatever table if their scores didn't indicate they should. I found this a bit odd as when talking to the school before they went I was assured they wouldn't lump them in together by default. But few of their class teachers seemed to have had that memo.

Of course everyone's different. There may be some for whom the world of school is a bit much on their own. Kids who otherwise wouldn't thrive at school. They may do better together (or one of them may do better) than if they were on their own. And for many kids, maybe the majority, it won't make much difference in the long run anyway.

What YADNBU about is that 6 months is not the time to be considering this.

My aunts were kept together. My bils were separated (they were a little pair of shits and encouraged each other). My cousins twins are together as are my friends twins.

Mine were together until y4 then friendship issues and Dd2 struggling a bit socially meant we tried to separate them which had mixed success. Dd1 is less academic but more social and thrives without feeling people compare her. Dd2 sort of likes the academic comparison when they are together (as she does better) but has lost too many friends to her sister.

They are yr 7 now and separate but have a similar friend group plus Dd2 has mates through her sport. Both doing well on both social and academic basis. Bicker like a pair of dogs but still very close too.

We roll with the punches tbh.

Tbh twins do tend to do better when split in primary as they learn to make own friends

But also much harder to split at 11 if diff sec schools

Primary schools usually suggest to parents they split their Twins if more than one class but obv will support parents view

We have 3 sets in our year. 2 have been split. One is together at insistence of mum

God, this winds me up so much

What is it with twins that everyone feels they can give "twin advice" even though they've never had twins / been a twin. Once having a friend who was a twin or twin cousins once removed makes you an expert on how they should be treated at school ?!

Keeping twins in the same class DOES NOT mean you don't want them to be treated as individuals. Similarly, separating them DOES NOT mean you'll ruin the twin bond forever or they'll grow into independent children.

And god knows why anyone is commenting on that when they're 6 months old .

You'll know what's appropriate for your children as they grow up and no-one else's opinion (other than their father ) is relevant!

Rant over . Twin and parent of twins

My twins are in the same class. Now in Y4 and it’s never been a problem but they are b/g and quite independent of each other. They aren’t that bothered but it certainly made my life easier In the early years (one teacher/one homework and pe schedule/ same-ish friendship group etc). They will probably separate for secondary school as most of our options round here are single sex.

My sister in laws were separated at school because my MIL thought they are such nightmares that the teacher only could cope with one each. They couldn’t be left in the same room as one another when they were toddlers as they’d take chunks out of each other.
They are late twenties and still have very difficult personalities. Do what suits your children!

Have never heard anybody say this.

One of the classes at my children’s school has two sets of twins and set of triplets together. It’s a one form entry school in an area with a high multiple birth rate.

Identical twin here. Even now (middle aged!) people still compare my sister and I and make judgements based on that comparison. We are so different to each other personality wise, and have our own strengths and weaknesses and yet the endless comparison can make you feel inadequate if one is more able/talented/social/confident than the other.

DT and I were separated at primary and secondary and I am so thankful for that. Even then I didn't become an individual in my own right until I left education and started work where people didn't know I was a twin.

I'd wait to see what they are like when a bit older. My best friend is a twin, she is very introverted and found herself in the shadow of her very extroverted sister throughout school. She has twin boys now and wants to split them at school.

This just isn't something that you can decide now.

I separated ours as T1 is disabled and T2 isn't, and T2 was far too distracted by checking that T1 was okay to concentrate on their own work and friendships.

I suspect that when the time comes you will have a great gut feeling as to what to do for the best.

Also some schools insist on doing it one way or another - I know at the minute a lot of twins have to stay together so they're in the same Covid bubble. So it might not even be a decision that you have to make.

Two form entry schools tend to separate twins so they’re not dependent on one another and develop their own different personalities instead of being known as “the twins.” Is this what people mean? Bit strange they’re mentioning it when your dc are not school aged.