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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What is it with twins?

117 replies

FabacrombieAndBitch · 15/10/2021 16:55

I have 6 month old twins. Everyone with almost no exception tells me I need to separate them at school. These aren't even parents of twins either, just random people
AIBU to tell them to just bugger off 🤬

OP posts:

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 15/10/2021 23:43

My dd is at school with twins. They are in different classes. Is this what you mean?

Kanaloa · 15/10/2021 23:49

Regardless of twins or not I think some people just can’t control themselves when it comes to spouting their thoughts out into the world.

Maybe you could start replying in kind. So when they say you will need to separate them in year one, you can say ‘awww thanks. You need to put your child into private school. I really feel that’s best for your child.’

Bobsyer · 15/10/2021 23:51

You don’t need to think about it now, and I don’t think it’s any business of a person who doesn’t have twins tbh. It’s just an opinion based on nothing.

I do have twins though so I’m qualified to comment . I separated mine (identical) as they were in a tiny class of only 10 for infants - when we moved I wanted them to have more independence. It was absolutely fine.

Having said that, mine have always been quite independent of one another. We tried really hard to foster that when they were young.

You’ll get a sense of what is best when they’re a bit bigger.

womaninatightspot · 15/10/2021 23:56

I know someone who sent their twins to seperate schools as it was single form entry. Sent them singly to nursery as well one went mornings the other afternoons. By age 7 they were both in the same class again.

I have twins (6yo) and I've never seperated them. They are identical but very different personalities. Few issues telling them apart as they have very different haircuts by choice, choose what they wear. They have their own friends but will play together. It is challenging for any child who finds themselves on the wrong side of one of them as they will absolutely have each others backs. They seem popular though and we get invited to all the parties as no one forgets "the twins".

CleoUK · 16/10/2021 08:28

You have time to make those decisions . You will know your children well and be able to follow their needs.

We have worked with our preschool and each of the girls had different key worker so doing slightly different activities at the same time. At that point they liked being in the same room so they can look, see that her sister was around and continue with their own activities.
I think they were about 3 when someone called them twins and they were really confused because at home and at preschool they have always been addressed by they separate names.

When we applied for primary school,we had several discussions with preschool key workers and then the reception teachers to respond to their needs at the time. We talked with them as well.
In reception they stayed in the same class but by the year two they were ready to be separated. they told us that and we and teachers could see it as well. Again school and teachers worked with us and the two classes have been mixed and girls were put into different class.
We had great teachers who always treated them as two individuals however it was harder for other kids not to see them as twins only. Separating them helped to establish that for other kids at school as they would not see them together.

For secondary school we have made decision as family ( including them) to go to the same school but different tutor groups. It makes sense from logistics point of view ( days off at the same time, school walk safer together, similar level of education) but they don't share any classes and are known as individuals not as twins.

Our girls have individual friends groups plus some friends that they share.
I believe that not having to be together 24/7 and not being constantly compared, helped them to develop themselves and build great sibling relationship.

Pottedpalm · 16/10/2021 08:33

@Africa2go

In looking round schools here (5 or 6) - a mixture of 1 or 2 form entry, none of them had a policy on separating twins. It was always down to the parents.

Would be wary of any school who sought to dictate at primary school how twins should be treated. It should not be a rigid policy without flexibility.

Absolutely ! My DTs ‘developed their personalities’ perfectly well in the same class, and were nit referred to as ‘the twins’ ( there were three sets of twins in the class initially). However, they are boy/girl twins, we might have come to different decisions if they were the same sex.

FingersofFish · 16/10/2021 08:35

Absolutely as others have said far too early! We have loads of twins in our family and friendship group and they've all been kept together at primary and beyond. Sometimes it's worked well, for others it has caused issues but each set of twins contains 2 unique people so what works for one at 5 might not work for another. School will be able to give you some guidance when they start, our school makes an assessment at reception year and a recommendation depending on how they think they will best develop. I know it's annoying when people try and stick their noses in and people seem to be particularly opinionated about twins but decisions can't be made now about something so far away and as they develop their needs to be together/apart Will change.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 16/10/2021 08:36

I’m a twin and I have multiple twins in my family, never once has anyone told anyone we should be separated.

Hilarias · 16/10/2021 08:36

I had twins in my class all through primary school and by Year 6 they loathed each other and would physically fight in the classroom. One was better looking and more popular and clearly his parents’ favourite though so this was an extreme case maybe.

Lamby1234 · 16/10/2021 08:41

There are twins in the same class at the school where I teach. 1 is academically very bright, the other SEN. It has caused no end of self esteem issues and upset.

Curlyshabtree · 16/10/2021 09:13

My b/g twins were in separate classes from Y1 onwards. Never an issue. I work in a school and we have a set of ID twin boys who have been separated. The parents were not happy at first but the boys have very little to do with each other whilst outside! They are both fine and parents are happy.
Every twin dynamic is different I guess.

Horst · 16/10/2021 09:17

Most twins in our school are separated only one pair hasn’t been and they are identical twins and they come in identical shoes, hairs done identically. They do appear to be one person chopped in half rather than two little girls. Even their names sound the same. My dd can’t tell them apart and she stays in class with them all day, they do to parties as a pair etc

A split up pair in my older dds year has a rather funky dynamic as well. Girl/boy twins separated because the girl is much more outgoing and tbh smarter. However the mother outside of school again treats them as one so the girl doesn’t get invited to many parties because the children know the brother will be brought along and as harsh as it sounds a lot of the children just don’t want him there.

edenhills · 16/10/2021 10:15

Twin mum here. Lots of weird advice given when they are young. I think mostly people just love seeing twins and it brings them joy so they want to say something not realising you've heard it all before. Just smile and ignore. Mine were together for reception and then separated from year one. I don't think there is one right way for all, you will know what is best.

Pottedpalm · 16/10/2021 10:29

@Lamby1234

There are twins in the same class at the school where I teach. 1 is academically very bright, the other SEN. It has caused no end of self esteem issues and upset.

This is very extreme thought , and it must be obvious to all that they would benefit from being separated, maybe in different schools. I have a friend with triplets, one went to the local grammar school, one to an independent school as they were less academic, and the other, who sadly suffered some damage at birth, was at a school suited to their needs.

Sh05 · 16/10/2021 10:39

My children all went to a single form primary so twins were always together but I have two friends who have twins and both said theirs were separated in a two form school.
Something about each child becoming an independent person who doesn't always rely on their twin and so makes their own friendship groups.
One of my friends was really upset at them being separated, the other didn't mind As hers were boy girl

FuckingFabulous · 16/10/2021 10:53

Yes, tell them to fuck off. Not their business at all

Onionbhajisandwich · 16/10/2021 11:20

See how their relationship develops as they grow. I was dead set on keeping mine together and only changed my mind a couple of months before they started school. Mine get on great usually but were starting to bicker and they only seemed to play with each other at nursery. They’ve done brilliantly apart - both made lots of friends (although they sometimes sit together at lunch time). They chat after school about what they’ve been doing. I definitely think it’s helped their relationship.

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