What is it with twins?

[FabacrombieAndBitch]

I have 6 month old twins. Everyone with almost no exception tells me I need to separate them at school. These aren't even parents of twins either, just random people
AIBU to tell them to just bugger off 🤬

Every set is different. Mine were together and that was fine when young, we moved areas and schools and I asked to have them in different classes (y4) as felt they were very dependent on each other and was worried about going to secondary school. It was the right choice at the right time and the Dt agree, they have each other but also spread their wings and made lots of knew friends as individuals which they had not done previously. They're now in secondary school and put in different houses/tutor groups /bubbles and rarely cross paths at school and that's OK now. They know of 5 sets of twins in their year group and all have been split up (I'm assuming like us through consultation with parents, Dt, primary school).
I think having no set plan is best and going with what is best for Dt as they grow.

When mine were in the same class, in primary, one wore a white polo shirt and one wore a blue polo shirt so the teachers could tell them apart. There were a couple of times in school reports I was suspicious that they were talking about the wrong twin, but I laughed it off because I'm always calling them the wrong name (and they get called their brothers names too)

I was always slightly disappointed they never wanted to trick their teachers by wearing the wrong top. Boring twins!

I was at a school with a uniform which came in two possible colours, so the identical twins in my year were colour-coded red and blue (blouses, not the whole uniform). They seemed to like not being mistaken for each other; they were good at different subjects and enjoyed different out-of-school things, and only occasionally changed colour so that the one who hated maths could get a good mark that week.

and to this day I can remember which of them had which colour

Smile and nod. My twins b/g entered school with a single form entry so deprecating was not an option. I did raise an eyebrow at the twin mum who insisted her girls needed to be in the same class when they went up to secondary school. Despite this going against the girls' own wishes.

Decide for yourself, listen to your children and work out out. Some twins need to be with each other, others are better when separated (also seen this in the school I work at).

Ultimately you are their parent but twins and multiple births are considered so unusual and special that everyone thinks they have a say in how you raise them.

My twins just started school, one form entry so they will always be together (hardly any two form entry locally!)
I would have considered separating them given the chance but actually it’s so nice that they have had each other to help each other settle in. They are very different but I feel like their teacher gets them as individuals completely already which is fantastic. She never calls them “the twins” which is fab too.
I didn’t even think about all this until a year ago when we were looking at schools, definitely not at Six months old!

It can be a really good idea if there's a 'dominant' twin, helps them to individualise but you don't need to make the decision yet, see how they are as they get older.

You know your children and will know what to do. But I am a twin (F) and was in all the same classes as my brother until we were 16. We would've hated to be separated, one size doesn't fit all.

I wanted to keep mine together when they were little but it soon became clear that DTS would always be in the shadow of DTD. They went to a school with separate classes at Y3. It was the best thing we ever did for them. They’ve just gone off to completely different senior schools at Y9 and are happily following their own paths.

I do think we try and make twins too twinny sometimes.

Most of the twins and triplets I have worked with were in the same class. There was no problem. One class all the children could tell them apart I could after a few weeks but the teacher couldn’t for the whole year. They had a different item of uniform but it isn’t how the rest of us knew. They were 96% identical.

The only twins that I think would have benefitted were a set of boy / girl twins. The girl was good at everything sport, reading, all lessons but the boy wasn’t except some sport and I suspected she sometimes wound him up about it. At Secondary I would actually sent them to different schools. He was really lacking in confidence.

You will know what works for yours and if it is only one year intake or a small school you won’t get a choice anyway.

We had a lot of twins through our shop I think there was something in the water. 🤣

School not shop predictive text 😂

As a twin myself it is easy to feel constantly compared to the other or feel like you are treated as one person. It's nice for the twins to have some space to explore themselves as people rather than being treated has half. I often wished I had gone to a school big enough to be separate

I have twins and they were separated after school nursery. I asked advice from the nursery teacher she she said they were very independent from one another so it didn't really matter but I decided to anyway. They are quite competitive and in decided it would just reduce that a bit if they weren't in class all the time thinking: "He got picked to do that, I didn't, teacher prefers him. She got more on her spelling test than me, she's cleverer. His was displayed, he's the arty one and I'm not." Blah blah blah. Mine are super competitive with each other even so but I think it's helped them to be slightly less so. It's hard for twins in that respect.

When my brothers were in primary they were a nightmare, and I think they would have been better split up.
They either were fighting each other, or they were ganging up together on others. They never really got chance to be two individuals until they went to high school and were eventually split due to ability.

I don’t really get your, “it will be all they know” comment. My children only knew being with me, but I didn’t try to set the seat next to them in YR 😉

But YANBU to tell people to bugger off! No-one’s business but yours, and how would you even know yet, given that you’ll base it on their needs at the time?

My youngest went to 2 form primary and has remained friends with twin girls who were separated. Their mum felt she’d get more peace and quiet at home if they hadn’t been together all day 🤣

Just tell people to mind their own business.

We won’t have the option to separate ours as the schools here are all one form entry but I expect we would if we could. I think it would do them good to get time apart. They must be sick of the sight of eachother!

I separated my twins at age 5. They're now 20 and say it was the best thing I could have done. But just because it was right for my girls doesn't mean it'll be right for your twins!

I kept my twins together (as I had 4 kids at same school I couldn’t face another classroom drop off) and it’s worked out fine, my girls look quite similar but aren’t identical and each have their own groups of friends in the class but have each other for back up (not used yet). It’s easier for me too as only one set of class parties/parents to know, am not sure I could have coped with 60 new kids and parents to remember at the same time! I recall that TAMBA had good advice on whether to keep them together or split and a template letter if you have a strong opinion one way or the other.

I think twins trust did some research on this and their conclusions were that there is no right answer! I did decide to put mine on separate classes because actually they wanted time apart from each other. It’s really been the best thing for them

My sister has twins and decided to separate them at school so that they could forge their own friendships and identity outside of 'being a twin'. I'm definitely not saying that's not possible being together but just to give you her reasoning.

My two were in a one form entry kindergarten and up to year 2. When they were moving on to a different, two form entry, school in year 3 there were allocated to different classes. I rang the head and asked for them to be put together and they were. It worked fine; they have different strengths.
When they moved up to the seniors ( same school) the head asked what we wanted and we all decided together it was time to be in different classes. They were happy; DS would wait for DD after school to help her carry her many bags etc. and would often buy her chocolate from the tuck shop at break and look for her round school. I’m pretty sure she never reciprocated 😄
All grown up now, they are still great friends and meet up regularly

I was somewhat strong armed by school into separating my none IDs in year 1.

The teacher called me in for a meeting - failing to mention that the HT, and 2 other teachers would be there, all stating that it's best to separate twins.

I reluctantly took their advice. I don't know if it made any difference at primary tbh.

They were always fairly academic and well behaved and ended up in sets together anyway.

Now, they are at senior and attend different schools, but that's another story!

In short, I found people are insistent almost on splitting twins when actually, parents should be left to make thst choice without feeling pressured.

I can’t believe that people are telling you how to raise your children.

I have twins and they went to the same schools and university (different degrees) and are perfectly fine.

There's twins at my kids school. One school in the village, one class per year group so impossible to separate. My close friend has twins, boy and girl who are always together at school and it works well.

Not a parent of twins but I wouldn't agree with separating myself (but what do I know...) but secondary school might be different. At my secondary school there was twins girls who were glued at the hip and another set - a boy and a girl who I didn't even know were twins until year 11 - it wasn't made obvious. With different sets or lessons more likely to be separate. I would definitely keep them together at primary.

The school I teach in is one form entry so all twins stay in the same class, there is no choice. They will have a very special relationship and school may spilt them up but it doesn't have to happen. Just ignore!

I have twins, they are now 19. I split them up deliberately so they could be individuals and form their own friendships and relationships. Otherwise they can rely on each other too much and create a co-dependency imo.