Mother or Birthing Parent

[thaigreen]

Which term do you prefer?

YABU Birthing Parent
YANBU Mother

Why can’t it just be mother/birthing parent? It hopefully captures everyone then

Again I ask, what's this situation people are talking about where the person giving birth isn't a mother?

Why can’t it just be mother/birthing parent?

Because we don’t need a new descriptor; mother works just fine.

This mangling of the English language is a really tiresome trend. Anyway I must go, my barking domesticated companion mammal needs to utilise his moving implements.

If a person born as a woman but then lives as a man has a baby with their partner then they'll want be called birthing parent.

Especially if his partner is a woman. The woman in that scenario would be mom. The birthday parent would be dad.

Trans men are really marginalised.

Birthing parent sounds like being an incubator.
I'm so fed up with these stupid terms.

If a person born as a woman but then lives as a man has a baby with their partner then they'll want be called birthing parent.

They would still be the birth mother. No matter how they wanted to organise their domestic arrangements after that. Because you can't actually change biological sex.

And it really isn't marginalising someone to not deny basic biological facts just because they want you to.

@Justreadingtheforum3

If a person born as a woman but then lives as a man has a baby with their partner then they'll want be called birthing parent.

Especially if his partner is a woman. The woman in that scenario would be mom. The birthday parent would be dad.

Trans men are really marginalised.

Living as a man and having a baby is an oxymoron

How xan a birthing parent not be mother?

TheKeatingFive

See PPs describing situations where having a term other than ‘mother’ has been helpful. Eg those who are ‘non-binary’, those in same sex relationships - there at two ‘mothers’ so it’s a way of talking about the one who is giving birth. It’s not taking away the word ‘mother’ but adding an extra term in for situations that don’t fit the common narrative.

Using both is more inclusive than one or the other. I identify as a woman and a mother and am in a heterosexual marriage etc so it’s easy for me. The language currently used fits for me and doesn’t leave me feeling excluded. But I can see that for some the language can feel excluding, or not quite right, so having an alternative helps to make sure that the policies and literature are inclusive of those for whom the word ‘mother’ isn’t as straight forward. A friend who had ‘Adoption Leave’ rather than ‘Maternity Leave’ felt quite ‘othered’ by that - it wasn’t a big thing for her but she is ‘othered’ in lots of ways and so it all adds up. Having a sense of belonging and not being ‘the other’ is a really important part of our wellbeing. So why not have both terms to include everyone?

As a woman and mother I don’t want to lose that identity and be called something different - but also I want the world to be inclusive of, and accepting of, difference. Why can’t we have a both/and situation?

@Justreadingtheforum3

If a person born as a woman but then lives as a man has a baby with their partner then they'll want be called birthing parent.

Especially if his partner is a woman. The woman in that scenario would be mom. The birthday parent would be dad.

Trans men are really marginalised.

If a transman has a baby, he is still the baby's legal mother -www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-52471697.amp

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-52471697.amp

Sorry, that link didn't work

Eg those who are ‘non-binary’, those in same sex relationships - there at two ‘mothers’ so it’s a way of talking about the one who is giving birth. It’s not taking away the word ‘mother’ but adding an extra term in for situations that don’t fit the common narrative.

There's no need for an extra term.

There is absolutely no situation where 'birth mother' doesn't clarify immediately

The more complex implications of these situations would be much better and genuinely served by better education around women not always acting/looking in stereotypically 'female' ways. I am 100% behind this. Deciding we need an alternative term for mother totally flies in the face of this acceptance.

Why can’t we have a both/and situation?

Because the only reason we'd need to do this is if we were trying to deny basic biological fact.

If a person born as a woman but then lives as a man has a baby with their partner then they'll want be called birthing parent.

How do you live as a man and become pregnant?

Isn't that a bit like having your cake and eating it?

Isn't that a bit like having your cake and eating it?

Well quite

Honestly I think it is personal choice. Both are valid and should be respected but it's personal choice on how people want to be addressed. Makes me sad that they have removed the term "mother" from maternity care in Scotland without a second thought.

@TheKeatingFive

If a person born as a woman but then lives as a man has a baby with their partner then they'll want be called birthing parent.

They would still be the birth mother. No matter how they wanted to organise their domestic arrangements after that. Because you can't actually change biological sex.

And it really isn't marginalising someone to not deny basic biological facts just because they want you to.

It's more about being sensitive then denying biological facts.

Some people find it very difficult to say that their loved one is dead. They use all sorts of euphemisms, and find the word "dead" too painful. If you were talking to someone about her bereavement, and she always referred to her husband as "passing away" would you prefer to use the word "dead" to her, to make sure she understood the biological reality?

Saying someone has passed away is not even remotely comparable to saying that you can change biological sex if you want to.

Of all the absolute nonsense I've ever read of this site, that one really takes the biscuit. Congratulations.

I mean, none of our legal, religious, medical or support language actually denies the reality of death, now do they?

@MurielSpriggs are you suggesting that legal death certificates should be renamed certificates of he is wiv de angels now? Or passing on certificates?

As mothers, as women, as humans of course we are aware of sensitivities around some biological facts. Doesn’t change them. And we can’t mangle our legal and safeguarding policy frameworks because of hurty feelz.

If a woman wants to say she is a man despite being in the process of giving birth, that’s an individual choice anyone caring for her should support. Doesn’t change the facts or the law or reality.

@TheKeatingFive

Saying someone has passed away is not even remotely comparable to saying that you can change biological sex if you want to.

Of all the absolute nonsense I've ever read of this site, that one really takes the biscuit. Congratulations.

Thank you

@MurielSpriggs are you suggesting that legal death certificates should be renamed certificates of he is wiv de angels now? Or passing on certificates?

Hi Aunty,

For what I'm saying, see my post above!

The word mother has legal meaning

Call yourself whatever you like but if you give birth to a child, you're that child's mother.

@Clymene

The word mother has legal meaning

Call yourself whatever you like but if you give birth to a child, you're that child's mother.

Yes.

The problem arises in the space between on the one hand legalities - the letter of the law, official documents etc - and the terms each individual might prefer to have used in relation to themselves.

It's in the documents produced by bodies such as the health services and charities where there's been this unilateral move towards a change in language which may sometimes be reasonable enough 'inclusive' addition but in many is dehumanising 'functional' or anatomical descriptors, which may also tend to obscure clarity thus being decidedly non inclusive.

@romdowa

I'd probably laugh at any professional who referred to me as the birthing parent. I'm the mother and ill be insisting that they use my preferred term.

Then use mother and birthing mother . Both if them are mothers

romdowa

I'd probably laugh at any professional who referred to me as the birthing parent. I'm the mother and ill be insisting that they use my preferred term.

Then use mother and birthing mother . Both if them are mothers

Sorry replied to wrong post

I'm assuming that medical professionals would only use the term for mothers who were uncomfortable with being called mothers, ie almost only in the case of transmen?