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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister has said I've made things awkward but I disagree

360 replies

Robinson89 · 14/10/2021 17:36

I worked in child care for over 10 years, mainly as a nanny, and although I've changed professions completely now, I still occasionally babysit for some families during evenings and weekends. My rate is £10ph and has been for the last few years.

Last week my sisters friend (I don't know her personally) asked if I'd be interested in babysitting her children occasionally. I said yes and told her to pass my number on and let her know to ring me if she had any questions. Yesterday I received a text from the friend asking if I could babysit this upcoming weekend as she wanted to go on a night out for her friends birthday. It would be for around 6 hours until 11:30pm. I told her no problem, asked for her address and explained that my rate was £10. She replied shortly after explaining that she was looking to pay around £8.50 as that is all she could afford. I sent a polite text back to say I understood her position, but unfortunately my rate was £10 and it is what I charge all my families. I said if she changed her mind then to let me know and I'd happily babysit for her.

I never heard anything about it again until my sister phoned me this morning to say that her friend was really disappointed that she couldn't go on her night out and why would I expect £10 for basically putting the kids to bed and sitting on the sofa watching tv all night Hmm. I have no idea why my sister is even entertaining this, and frankly I'm a bit hurt. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'd be sat watching the tv whilst the kids are in bed. It's the fact that I'm giving up my weekend (I work full time myself) to babysit her children and not being able to spend time in my own home with my own family. I'm not desperate for the money so my down time is really important to me. I'm also a qualified trained professional who knows what to do in the event of an emergency. AIBU?

OP posts:
TracyLords · 14/10/2021 21:06

@ShirleyPhallus well, feel free to give up your Saturday night to sit on someone else’s sofa all night for a fiver

Piglet89 · 14/10/2021 21:07

@ShirleyPhallus I CAN @ you because you ended your inverted commas too late, thereby making it something the hypothetical parents with the child in the imaginary house fire might say, not you yourself.

I know, I’m a bellend. It’s because I’m in

LONDON.

AutumnDaysLove · 14/10/2021 21:07

It's bizarre that she cancelled the whole night out for the sake of a few quid which really, could have just been one or two less drinks.

Or she could have left an hour later or returned an hour earlier.
If your sister is that bothered and it's 'just sitting in front of the TV' then maybe she can babysit next time?

You did the right thing sticking to your boundary. You shouldn't have to subsidise someone's night out.

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/10/2021 21:08

Your sister is out of order.

ShirleyPhallus · 14/10/2021 21:10

[quote Piglet89]@ShirleyPhallus I CAN @ you because you ended your inverted commas too late, thereby making it something the hypothetical parents with the child in the imaginary house fire might say, not you yourself.

I know, I’m a bellend. It’s because I’m in

LONDON.[/quote]
Touché piglet.

Two bellends have met, truly.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 14/10/2021 21:10

@ShirleyPhallus

While £10ph is reasonable, it is slightly galling to pay that for someone sitting on the sofa watching TV. It cost us nearly £100 to go to the cinema last week because of 5 hours babysitting.

When I was a teenager I got a fiver for the whole evening

(yes, I realise the OP is qualified and you’re paying to the “what if there’s a house fire / child wakes up / needs to go to A&E” etc etc. Don’t @ me”

Not to mention giving up your own Saturday night to sit in and look after someone else’s kids…………………….??
YouokHun · 14/10/2021 21:19

No, your sister is the one who’s made it awkward @Robinson89 by promising your services and making assumptions about your rate and your willingness to drop your rates for her mates. The parent wanting the babysitting is obviously under the impression she was going to give you a tenner and a bunch of service station flowers for a favour. Your sister is now feeling a bit of a tit which is her own fault!

the80sweregreat · 14/10/2021 21:28

Soon nobody will pay anything as we will be spending it all on gas and electricity!
She should think on!!

meadowbleu · 14/10/2021 21:32

Our gardener charges £17 per hour daytime weekday hours. He's in charge of a fork, a spade, a rake and a pair of shears.

What cost looking after a child?

RosiePosieDozy · 14/10/2021 21:52

Having an ex-nanny available to babysit your children is very valuable IMO. You are a professional.

Tell your sister to babysit her friend's children herself for free if she's that passionate about it.

financialadvicenc · 14/10/2021 22:01

I'm the exact same as you OP. Ex childcare professional, still do a bit of evening and weekend babysitting when I have time and charge £10 per hour.

I've always charged £10 ph, I think now thats a common rate but 7/8 years ago it was on the higher end. I always said to people who questioned it, you pay for what you get. You could easily find a 15 year old with no qualifications, dbs, or experience, but that's your choice to make! It'd probably be fine, but over the years I've dealt with all kinds of medical/security/emotional issues with small children while babysitting that I wouldn't be comfortable letting a 14/15 year old deal with.

Your sisters a knob, show her this thread! And ask her 'why would I give my precious time up for shit money?' You're not a charity!

NowEvenBetter · 14/10/2021 22:01

I’ll bet the woman says shit like ‘having a kid is the haaaardest job in the world, wehhhh’ yet also expects someone to provide childcare for less than the poverty wage of the bare legal minimum. So it’s only ‘hard’ when she’s doing it, and wants attention.

Raise your prices, OP. Your sister embarrassed herself.

financialadvicenc · 14/10/2021 22:02

@YouokHun

No, your sister is the one who’s made it awkward *@Robinson89* by promising your services and making assumptions about your rate and your willingness to drop your rates for her mates. The parent wanting the babysitting is obviously under the impression she was going to give you a tenner and a bunch of service station flowers for a favour. Your sister is now feeling a bit of a tit which is her own fault!
This! Aren't people weird! Why would she give her weekend up?
WhatAShilohPitt · 14/10/2021 22:19

Of course YANBU. I get this all the time - people wanting mate’s rates for work I am able to do. The simple fact is that you value your time at £10 an hour and she doesn’t, so she should go and find someone charging a rate that she will pay! Why should you lower your rates?

Imnothereforthedrama · 14/10/2021 22:32

Your sister is ridiculous that’s your rate that’s what your charge end of .
Tell her stop getting involved this woman was no obligation to use you.

holidaynearlyover · 14/10/2021 22:33

@YoungGiftedPlump it's more than I earn per hour as a teacher but fair play if that's what people charge.

I do get it that they are our most precious thing and OP is a qualified professional, I'm just glad I had family nearby so I could have occasional nights out, would never have been able to have afforded that.

When I used to baby sit I got a fiver for the night and snacks! Bargain for the people I did it for looking back but I remember revising for a levels whilst being paid to do nothing so seemed like a good deal at the time!

Neonplant · 14/10/2021 22:37

It doesn't matter if we feel £60 is a lot for babysitting. It does vary a lot by area too.

Your price is your price. She asked if you would consider a lower price, which you might have as a friend of your sister. You said no which you're perfectly within your rights to do.

Her night out is not your responsibility. You did nothing wrong. You're not a charity to facilitate mums nights out.

billy1966 · 14/10/2021 22:44

Your sister is a CF and should mind her own business.

I definitely think you should tell her to offer to do it and mind her own business while she is at it.

Yadnbu.
Flowers

Paperplain · 14/10/2021 22:50

Did your sister offer to pay the difference? Thought not.

mellicauli · 14/10/2021 22:59

Tell your sister if it's so important to her she won't mind paying the extra £10 to you. No? Well now she understands.

earthyfire · 14/10/2021 23:12

I'd rather pay the money for a qualified professional than get someone who wasn't on the cheap. I bet she went on facebook afterwards and asked total strangers on a local area page for a babysitter...shudder.

ThreeGoingCrazy · 14/10/2021 23:46

@ShirleyPhallus

While £10ph is reasonable, it is slightly galling to pay that for someone sitting on the sofa watching TV. It cost us nearly £100 to go to the cinema last week because of 5 hours babysitting.

When I was a teenager I got a fiver for the whole evening

(yes, I realise the OP is qualified and you’re paying to the “what if there’s a house fire / child wakes up / needs to go to A&E” etc etc. Don’t @ me”

What we're yo u seeing that took 5 hours??
ThreeGoingCrazy · 14/10/2021 23:51

To everyone saying £60 for a night out is too much, yes, it might be but then you either stay in, get someone else to babysit for free or go out for a shorter evening. exactly. DH and I can't afford that (although frankly no one would charge us only £10 an hour anyway) so we take it in turns to go to the cinema, see friends etc. We've not had a date out in two years.

RAOK · 14/10/2021 23:55

YANBU AT ALL!!!

Clymene · 14/10/2021 23:58

After seeing a post earlier when Shirley Phallus said that being worth £20m wasn't that much, I think we can take her posts with a cellar of salt.

OP- if your sister is so keen on supporting her friend's social life, she can babysit herself.