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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She invites us to her birthdays, but not his

125 replies

Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 15:53

Have a good mum friend, our toddlers have known each other since a little after birth. We also know her Dh and have all met up as a four a few times.
I’ve noticed when it’s her birthday, she invited us to to celebrations with friends etc, but when it’s his, we never get an invite.
What would you make of this? We see him as our friend as much as she is almost. I mean obviously I see her more with our DC’s, just find it a bit odd?

OP posts:
Pontypandytaxpayer · 13/10/2021 15:54

I'd assume he sees you as his wife's friend rather than his.

Shoxfordian · 13/10/2021 15:54

He thinks you’re his wife’s friends

Theballoonsinthesky · 13/10/2021 15:55

I have the same with one of my friends. Hurts a bit but he obviously doesn't see us as as good a friends as she does

arethereanyleftatall · 13/10/2021 15:55

Assuming he is actually having a birthday party of sorts, I would just assume he has friends he likes more than he likes you, up to the number he invites.

Eralos · 13/10/2021 15:58

He doesn’t see you as a friend.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 13/10/2021 15:58

Maybe he see's you more as her friends than his.

Maybe he has far more friends than she does, so you don't make the cut for his birthday.

Maybe he hates socialising and just wants a couple very close people around

Maybe he really can't stand you.

Who knows, you'll sound really needy if you ask them, so I'd just enjoy the occasions when you get invited, and try not to care when you don't.

Biancadelrioisback · 13/10/2021 15:59

Wife's friends.

I've got a couple of friends like this. My good friend is one person but the four of us will meet up. So I'm friends with the other person because they're with my friend. Doubt we'd maintain a friendship if their relationship ended.

traintraveller · 13/10/2021 15:59

He doesn't think of you as a friend. If my DP started inviting his friends out on my birthday I'd be pissed off.

Original poster
Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 15:59

He’s having a night out (not sure how many) similar to she does and we both are always invited and go. We also meet as two families together quite a lot and the guys get on well 🤷🏻‍♀️
We’ve not had a birthday out for Dp in a few years, covid & toddler, plus we’re homebodies more than they are, but if we did, they’d definitely both get an invite.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/10/2021 16:00

They just see you as her friends not his. I don’t think that’s especially insulting - you know each other through you and her meeting up with toddlers, so not surprising.

RealBecca · 13/10/2021 16:00

If you and DH never socialise with him alone you are def the wife's friends

Pontypandytaxpayer · 13/10/2021 16:00

Another possibility is that he doesn't like to 'mix' friends much and has a set he would rather spend his birthday with.

Or doesn't want other peoples' kids around on his birthday?

Original poster
Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 16:01

@fdgdfgdfgdfg I’d never ask 😬it just happened last year and noticed this year too, so was a bit 🤔

OP posts:
Paq · 13/10/2021 16:01

It's not her job to invite you to his birthday celebrations, it's his.

Original poster
Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 16:02

@traintraveller But we meet up altogether, so aren’t we all friends?

OP posts:
Blahdyblahbla · 13/10/2021 16:03

This is a real non issue. I have friendships similar to this, my DP wouldn't invite another couple I'd met through the dc to his birthday unless he had an independent friendship with them (which he does with a few, but not all).

Squirrelblanket · 13/10/2021 16:03

I wouldn't read anything into the fact that you sometimes socialise in a four and you all get on well. Me and my husband sometimes socialise with my friend and her husband and I have no doubt it appears we all get on well, when secretly we think her husband is a bellend. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 16:04

@Paq Of course not, but I’d say she’s the organiser of the two and last year I’m sure it was a surprise birthday night out, or she organised it at least

OP posts:
Original poster
Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 16:05

@Squirrelblanket Ohh, so it could be he’s not keen on Dp?

OP posts:
PinkCricket · 13/10/2021 16:05

This would be completely normal to me! I dont usually expect to get invited to friend's husband's birthdays....

I dont invite my friends to my husbands..

Original poster
Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 16:06

There would be no kids, it’s a drinking one at night I think

OP posts:
Original poster
Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 16:07

@PinkCricket No, but we’re sort of all friends together? Go out with the kids etc, to the beach for drinks etc

OP posts:
hotmeatymilk · 13/10/2021 16:07

It's not her job to invite you to his birthday celebrations, it's his.
This! He may also be less birthday-inclined, or have a specific set of friends he’s known longer that it’s tradition he celebrates with, or any one of 1,000 reasons that aren’t “he doesn’t like you”.

Pontypandytaxpayer · 13/10/2021 16:07

[quote Puttheneedleontheraquet]@Squirrelblanket Ohh, so it could be he’s not keen on Dp?[/quote]
Or you. None of us can know.

WTF475878237NC · 13/10/2021 16:08

I'm another one who thinks this is totally normal and in no way a slight on you two. He sees you as his wife's friends and is happy to do a double date with the kids but wouldn't ever socialise with you alone, therefore you just wouldn't even register on his invite list for his birthdays.

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