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Original poster

She invites us to her birthdays, but not his

125 replies

Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 15:53

Have a good mum friend, our toddlers have known each other since a little after birth. We also know her Dh and have all met up as a four a few times.
I’ve noticed when it’s her birthday, she invited us to to celebrations with friends etc, but when it’s his, we never get an invite.
What would you make of this? We see him as our friend as much as she is almost. I mean obviously I see her more with our DC’s, just find it a bit odd?

OP posts:
DFOD · 13/10/2021 17:00

@Blahdyblahbla

OP you are coming across as quite odd, why are you analysing the guest list of a party of someone you know very loosely through your children? Maybe you come across as needy in real life, it's not an attractive quality.
Quite possibly !

Also you said you were homebodies and haven’t been out drinking with them.

You said you haven’t invited them out for birthdays as you have not been out since having a baby (now a toddler) - so they don’t owe you anything or need to reciprocate socially - but you seem to expect that they should?

You said you are not “night out / drinking types friends”

So no surprises there then that you haven’t been invited to a night out drinking with his friends.

mummypie17 · 13/10/2021 17:03

I have a close friend who my DH doesn't really see as his friend although we can go out together as a group. She is invite to my birthday but when it's DH's birthday, we invite his friends. I don't invite DH's friends to my birthday even though we all get along together because we're not close friends.

Redredwiney · 13/10/2021 17:05

Is this thread for real? He sees your as his wife’s / kids friends. Not his friends. Hence why you’re not invited. It’s nothing personal.

ASeagullShatInMyEye · 13/10/2021 17:12

[quote Puttheneedleontheraquet]@Flowerpower23 Definitely no soft spot, and not offended as such, just know they’ll be a big group there, they’re very welcoming, chilled out people. They’ve been at ours for bbqs etc, drinks at the beach, I personally see them as friends, in a foursome not host a mum friend solely. I have lots of these and have barely met their husbands so definitely wouldn’t feel the same.[/quote]
OP, you're still picking away at it. Stop!

TopCatsTopHat · 13/10/2021 17:20

Some people just don't like mixing their different groups, they don't always blend well. I have a close friend whose birthday I'm sometimes incuded in sometimes not depending which 'set' she's with. Sometimes she'll have two evenings with one set and another. Which is fine, most of us have various walks of life we've lived and mashing them together doesn't always work. So maybe you are good friends just in a different gang.

grapewine · 13/10/2021 17:21

This is honestly so normal. Don't overthink it, or it could end up being awkward when you do see them next. That would be a shame when you do get on well.

Bluntness100 · 13/10/2021 17:21

I’m also surprised at this thread, you keep saying you’re not bothered when you clearly are and are trying to make it your husbands fault.

I’m sure they both like you perfectly fine, but you’re not close enough to him that he would consider having you at his birthday events, it doesn’t seem the two men socialise alone together or even chat and text like mates, he likely does with the other men. The friendship between the men is looser and based solely on you and hers friendship.

If the two men were meeting up and going out it would be different but clearly you’re just mum friends who occasionally get together as a couple.

grapewine · 13/10/2021 17:22

most of us have various walks of life we've lived and mashing them together doesn't always work

Also, this is definitely a thing with myself and absolutely everyone I know.

Bluntness100 · 13/10/2021 17:29

Has either man ever reached out to the other to do something together..golf, gig, pub, anything? What about you? Do you socialise with the husband one on one, and count him as a personal friend? Go for a coffee, drink, run whatever just the two of you?

If neither of you treats him like a friend and only see him when thr men tag along, then you cannot really claim to be his mate and should go to his birthday events,

Also you are saying you’d invite them to your birthday dos, but it seems you’ve never had one or done such a thing?

TempName01 · 13/10/2021 17:39

Maybe his other friends are lairy or something and he doesn’t think you would mix well.

prettyteapotsplease · 13/10/2021 17:44

Maybe he doesn't want a fuss but goes along with plans for her birthday so as not to rock the boat.

LadyMuckington · 13/10/2021 17:55

We hang out with my DPs best friend and his wife all of the time. They both come to DP’s birthday events and we go to his, we meet up for meals, we go to each other’s houses but I’ve never invited either of them out for my birthday and she hasn’t invited us to hers. We’re her husbands friends. It’s not weird.

1FootInTheRave · 13/10/2021 17:55

This sounds normal to me.

I like all of mine and dh' friends, both mutual and separately.

I wouldn't invite all to every event though as sometimes the dynamics just wouldn't work.

LadyMuckington · 13/10/2021 17:56

Just to add I don’t invite DPs friend to my birthday events either (not just his wife 😂). They’re his friends now mine!

Hohoholymoley · 13/10/2021 17:58

Maybe he wants to get really drunk and wouldn't be comfortable doing it in front of you.

GrandmasCat · 13/10/2021 18:01

I really don’t see the issue with that. You both are the wives’ friends, that’s why you both are invited but that doesn’t necessarily mean he has to feel the same about you two, especially if he has a long standing group of friends that goes way back. Those groups are often difficult to join as new people disrupt the balance, change the dynamics of the get together, etc.

Skysblue · 13/10/2021 18:08

You see him as a friend.

He does not see you as a friend.

If he wanted you at his birthday he would have invited you. That’s what friends do.

He isn’t your friend, get over it and move on…

Bluntness100 · 13/10/2021 18:11

@Skysblue

You see him as a friend.

He does not see you as a friend.

If he wanted you at his birthday he would have invited you. That’s what friends do.

He isn’t your friend, get over it and move on…

Wow that’s harsh.
Original poster
Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 18:11

@Blahdyblahbla But, we don’t know them ‘Quite loosely’ they’re good friends we see a lot, especially her

OP posts:
Original poster
Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 18:17

@Bluntness100 V harsh!

@Skysblue I mist have misjudged on this occasion, never have before and would never give it a second thought with other people

OP posts:
Original poster
Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 18:17

*must

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 13/10/2021 18:18

[quote Puttheneedleontheraquet]@Blahdyblahbla But, we don’t know them ‘Quite loosely’ they’re good friends we see a lot, especially her[/quote]
But they aren’t are they? She’s your good friend, it doesn’t seem you ever reach out and do anything alone with him ever, so why do you expect to go to his birthday?

Original poster
Puttheneedleontheraquet · 13/10/2021 18:23

@Bluntness100 I would feel a bit weird just calling him up and asking to do something with just him tbh. We have lots of foursome type friendships, Dp doesn’t do things solely with the wife or me with the husband, but we’re still all mates

OP posts:
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 13/10/2021 18:25

He doesn't see you as his friends, just hers

DFOD · 13/10/2021 18:27

Are you a very young couple - as surely this is a situation you have come across before with other couple friends?