If you were left £450k inheritance, would you give your adult children something?

[Jinnybean]

Mil has been left a large sum. She’s always said that she will give Dh £10k.

It’s been nearly a year and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. We know she had the money a month ago.

I can’t imagine having that much money are not helping my children/grandchildren out. She is mortgage free.

Would you help your Dc out?

I did and I did. They got about half of it.

#notallboomers

Yes, by being financially independent and able to hone myself and get the care I needed right up to my death.

My parents didn't when my grandparents died. But they've "helped" us with holidays, school trips, kids clothes, private health appointments, university costs etc ever since, to the tune of perhaps £1000/year.
If I inherited £450k and my kids weren't settled I would love to be able to give them £50k for a deposit. But if they were settled on the property ladder and earning reasonable money, I would probably do something like what my parents have done instead.

10k buys my dad another year living at home which is where he desperately wants to stay.

The OPs MIL has inherited £450k. It's highly unlikely that she will need carers visiting for 45 years, or anywhere near it.

@SinisterBumFacedCat

We are supposed to want better for our children, or that was what we used to think. Some people in one generation has hoarded housing and wealth without ever being called “entitled” or “grabby”. I hope other generations don’t follow their example.

Presumably you mean by ' not ever', multiple times a day for several years across all social media and most press and books written about it.

If MIL has recently been widowed and the inheritance is from a recently deceased FIL then I suspect what is happening is that MIL never really had to grapple with the household finances before as FIL did it all, and she mentioned distributing the money around before having properly got to grips with her new situation. She now realises that as a single person her living expenses aren't very much lower than what used to be needed for two, but she doesn't have FIL's pension and the balance sheet is less healthy than she thought. There's a big difference between the cash valie of the estate and what can actually be disposed of.

My FIL died last year and we and DH's siblings didn't see a penny and don't expect to. Whatever money there is belongs with MIL to ensure she can get through the next 2 or 3 decades comfortably (she's healthy enough that she could well live past 100).

I reckon you don't mention it. If your MIL doesn't raise the subject again it's because of her realising she can't afford to be as generous as she wanted to be.

I would give to my dc but equally I wouldn’t expect my parents to give to me

@WoodchipNightmares

10k buys my dad another year living at home which is where he desperately wants to stay.

The OPs MIL has inherited £450k. It's highly unlikely that she will need carers visiting for 45 years, or anywhere near it.

She may need to go into a care home though. That rips through money.

Also the person who left the money left it to your mil and not your Dh for a reason so I think you should respect that

Am so sorry about your dad and that you can't even afford flowers. On the other hand, MIL has only had the money for a month. She probably hasn't even spent it on herself yet. If you need something for your days flowers/funeral, perhaps just ask.
It's also worth considering that MIL might have meant £10k on her death/in her will. Regardless, a month isn't long enough really to sort all promises and commitments. I also suspect there is a backstory here

If she's only had it amonth then you need to give her time . I'm sure it's not just landed into her account like a normal direct debit.

Yes - if I was mortgage free and had no need of the money, or even if I had, no one needs £450k!, I would gift as much as I could to my adult children whilst I was well.

If they were young still, I'd put it into trust as investments for them.

So if I had two adult children I'd think ok that's £150k for each of us 3. (& then I probably wouldn't spend much of my £150k anyway other than pay off my mortgage on my home- that's my children would get in inheritance if I didn't need residential care before I die - and a better car and maybe a cleaner so I'd have more free time)

Unless I didn't like my adult children because they had behaved appallingly and would waste it or use it up set up a criminal drug empire for e.g.

Sorry for your loss OP. It's very sad to lose your parent

As someone who watched my grandparents have to spend their entire life savings and sell their house to pay for care homes for both of them, I think it's a little unfair to expect ANYTHING from inheritance these days. Specialist Alzheimers care cost £1k per week for my grandad and he was in there six years. That's £312k to ensure he was well looked after, kept safe and his medical needs were met when he became too ill to stay at home. My grandmother had four years in care, albeit at £650 per month. So between them their essential care at the end of their lives totalled £447,200. For six years. That was all the money gone.

My siblings and I were left everything in their will. In the end it came down to a couple of grand and sentimental items. It was worth EVERY penny of "my" inheritance and I am glad they didn't give us anything.

So, perhaps she is thinking along the same lines. It will come to you eventually. She might just need it in the meantime.

Maybe she is worried she will need it for care later in life? If she hasn't had it long, she may be taking advice about how to invest it, etc. and/or what to do about her will; if she has property as well, she may be worried about inheritance tax and taking advice re that too.

In the end, whatever other people may do, or she may have said in the past, it's her money, so I'd try to forget about it if I were you. If you get something, then it will be a nice surprise, and a bonus. I always think that counting on future gifts or inheritance is a bad idea. 'Bleak House' is a good example of how corrosive expectations can be.

Your mil sounds very selfish and self centred.

Maybe she's gifting it for Christmas?

Under U.K tax laws you cannot just "gift" offspring money there are annual limits.

@saleorbouy

Under U.K tax laws you cannot just "gift" offspring money there are annual limits.

Not true!!!

Would I? Maybe.

Would I if I knew the spouse - not even my adult child - was muttering about where their money was and I'd be a shit mother if I didn't? Not a fucking chance.

Yabu its up to your mil if she wishes to gift her dc some cash but the amount was left to her not your dh. Its awful about your father but your mil isn't duty bound to pay for your df funeral costs, I imagine the thought wouldn't cross her mind to offer. She could be waiting for Christmas, it's only been a month.

You sound a bit grabby OP.

Sorry for your loss.

If I didn't need it yes I would give it all to them

@saleorbouy

Under U.K tax laws you cannot just "gift" offspring money there are annual limits.

This is correct - the annual amount is 3K per child and you can add in 5K if they are getting married . You can of course gift however much you want as long as you do not deprive yourself into needing financial assistance or you die within 7 years . If you do die in the 7 years then there MAY be the result that the children have to pay inheritance tax on it retrospectively.

OnlyFoolsnMothers

From the government inheritance tax info page.

"Each tax year, you can also give away some money or possessions free of Inheritance Tax. How much is tax free depends on which allowances you use.

Annual exemption
You can give away a total of £3,000 worth of gifts each tax year without them being added to the value of your estate. This is known as your ‘annual exemption’.

You can give gifts or money up to £3,000 to one person or split the £3,000 between several people.

You can carry any unused annual exemption forward to the next tax year - but only for one tax year."