Page 10 | If you have no friends…

HateJudgmentalPeople · 13/10/2021 04:18

www.aconsciousrethink.com/12254/people-who-put-others-down/

Jealousy is number 2.

Rover83 · 13/10/2021 04:27

It's definitely me. My mum doesn't have any friends either, I always thought it was weird and promised myself I'd have a house full of friends but I don't.

I've always been that person on the outside, I'm a nurse so I can happily make small talk all day and have tons of acquaintance but I can never move relationships on. I think I'm just quite a forgettable person people always mean to invite me to stuff but when it comes to it I just fall to one side. I'm not sure why that happens but it's always been like that. I think a lot of people probably assume I have my tribe so don't bother trying to include me.

Sometimes I try really hard to make a friendship work and go out of my way to help someone then they aren't interested in popping over for a cup of tea or anything and it just fades away

Lily78123 · 13/10/2021 04:53

I’m 35 and have lived in 5 countries since after Uni, combine that with being rubbish at keeping in touch and that’s how you end up with no friends.

Wineisrequired · 13/10/2021 05:14

I think it’s me . I find it really hard to trust people and don’t like people getting to close to me. I know I need to try and sort it out otherwise I’m going to end up a very lonely old lady with a cat .

HateJudgmentalPeople · 13/10/2021 05:23

@Wineisrequired

I think it’s me . I find it really hard to trust people and don’t like people getting to close to me. I know I need to try and sort it out otherwise I’m going to end up a very lonely old lady with a cat .

If you get shat on constantly then it’s no wonder you don’t trust people, I think new friends should be treated like new romantic relationships, don’t give them too much of yourself and don’t tell them anything that makes you vulnerable, your fears, your insecurities, your past, your mistakes etc etc, if they don’t have all that then they can’t hurt you.

NameChangeWithACold · 13/10/2021 07:57

I have very few friends because I simply don't have time. I wish there were more hours in the day or night

SisterJude · 13/10/2021 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrandmasCat · 13/10/2021 08:08

I have very few friends because I simply don't have time.

I have heard this one quite a few times, it turned out they were not busier than any other people, just not interested enough to make the time.

I have found out that the busier someone is, the more likely they are to be able to slot you in for a quick coffee, the ones that had less may give you a time in three week’s time.

Not judging on that, I was the same, when I was working part time (or SAHMing) going out required a lot of planning because I was not used to it, while now I can easily slot someone in for a quick breakfast before the teen wakes up, lunch during my break at work or before I head to the supermarket after dinner.

Pythonista · 13/10/2021 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

GrolliffetheDragon · 13/10/2021 09:52

This is what my sister would say. I sympathise with her view as she really feels this way and is unhappy about it. However, from the other side I see my sister in group situations sit back quietly when others lean forwards making it appear that she is taking a listening role (which one way some people participate in groups, we can't all be talkers), she doesn't chip in even if you make eye contact. To involve her you have to literally address her directly and say something like 'what do you think' which completely jars the flow of the conversation. Basically in the fun of the group she stays in 1st gear while everyone else goes up to 4th and she's out of step. It is hard to rope her in! But she hates this backseat position she inhabits even though she puts herself there. But from her pov others aren't giving her enough space, not inviting her contribution frequently enough so she's 'shut out'. Whereas most people would take the fact that they have a seat at the table in the group is invitation enough to get stuck in... And do!

Now this is probably me, but I'm introverted, can be quite quiet, and often when I do try and speak I get talked over, which makes me feel awkward and so less likely to try and speak again. I just seem to lack the knack of chipping in at the right time.

DaisyNGO · 13/10/2021 09:56

OP sorry you are feeling this way

It hit me like that when it first happened. It gets better, or at least, I have found it does, and people do come into your life again

GrolliffetheDragon · 13/10/2021 15:48

@DaisyNGO

OP sorry you are feeling this way

It hit me like that when it first happened. It gets better, or at least, I have found it does, and people do come into your life again

How does it get better though? I mean friends aren't going to drop into my lap, I presumably have to do something, but what?

Though it's impossible at the moment anyway, my life is work, look after DS and do housework and essentials stuff, sleep, repeat, repeat, repeat...

DaisyNGO · 13/10/2021 17:30

Groliffe, the times in my life that have felt awful are the times it felt
Iike nothing would change, I hate that feeling.

But with changes that happen naturally - changes at work or you change job, neighbours change, I've met people through stuff like that.

sundaydayisnotmyfundayday · 13/10/2021 17:59

It must be me. I wish I could understand why

I do have lots of friends but all are online and non live locally enough to call on

Porfre · 13/10/2021 18:04

I dont have any friends really.

I think it is probably down to my personality. I'm quite shy, but I think I come across as standoffish and maybe a bit of a snob. I also think I've got a resting bitch face that scares people off.

Luckily I've got a good family network. I'm very close to my sisters and brothers, they are my social contacts, and we spend a lot of time together. We all love nearby to each other.

Houseofvelour · 13/10/2021 18:12

I have a fair few friends but I really have to put the work in to maintain them. I have bpd so it takes a lot of effort to maintain healthy friendships.

DH has one friend. He likes it that way.

gingerlyme · 13/10/2021 18:20

Interesting thread.
I have friends but lately they keep cancelling on me. Work colleagues talk over me and leave me out.
I am always nice to everyone and wondered if I should start being a bitch so I become popular?

Whatonearth07957 · 13/10/2021 19:28

You have to work extra hard to prioritise friendships and issue invites, go visit etc. They tend to fade Ike any relationship if you don't put in the work. It's worth it but if you're not naturally gregarious you have to consciously try and also not be jealous of other friendship groups they may have.

heywassuphello · 13/10/2021 19:40

I don't want them, don't have the mental energy

Mary46 · 13/10/2021 20:33

My friend has loads friends groups. I like meeting people. Not sure what happened lately. A combination of flakey pals. One retired so not as free. Others have school runs. So I do alot stuff alone too. But would hate tons friends havent energy for it!!

FatFredsFriedEgg · 14/10/2021 00:39

Fuck me, everyone saying 'it's me'.

I do too, because it makes you feel like that. It's not though. We're just not of the outwardly friendly type. That doesn't mean we're not friendly or worthwhile people though.

...I struggle convincing myself of this sometimes as well

Bogeyes · 14/10/2021 06:09

The older I get the less friends I have. Friends are great until they take you for granted and take the piss

thebestnamesweregone · 14/10/2021 07:43

@PegorySpeck

Do you think there is something wrong with you, or you just haven’t met your tribe yet?

Both! I speak as I find, I do have a filter and never mean to cause offence and to date no ones enter said I have but I don't get chance to go out so literally no friends last year other than family I had 3 cards for Xmas ...from neighbours yet I'd do anything for anyone, I sure don't have a high opinion of myself so why would anyone else Thinking for a while "my people" just don't exist

fortunacookie · 14/10/2021 18:19

I think it's me because I just don't make the effort the way a good friend should i.e birthdays etc and to be honest most people bore me anyway ... my family and partner are my friends and im happy with that

Thursa · 15/10/2021 14:58

@GrolliffetheDragon

This is what my sister would say. I sympathise with her view as she really feels this way and is unhappy about it. However, from the other side I see my sister in group situations sit back quietly when others lean forwards making it appear that she is taking a listening role (which one way some people participate in groups, we can't all be talkers), she doesn't chip in even if you make eye contact. To involve her you have to literally address her directly and say something like 'what do you think' which completely jars the flow of the conversation. Basically in the fun of the group she stays in 1st gear while everyone else goes up to 4th and she's out of step. It is hard to rope her in! But she hates this backseat position she inhabits even though she puts herself there. But from her pov others aren't giving her enough space, not inviting her contribution frequently enough so she's 'shut out'. Whereas most people would take the fact that they have a seat at the table in the group is invitation enough to get stuck in... And do!

Now this is probably me, but I'm introverted, can be quite quiet, and often when I do try and speak I get talked over, which makes me feel awkward and so less likely to try and speak again. I just seem to lack the knack of chipping in at the right time.

This is me too. When I do have something to say, someone talks over me, I feel like a fool for butting in and less likely to try again.

If you aren’t shy/introverted you cannot understand how difficult it is. Then you try to explain and get told you’re wrong to feel like that…