to hate having to decide what the bin eats every day

[3kidsinsane]

I have 3 kids and it drives me nuts having to come up with things to eat that suit everyone for dinner every night. Guaranteed somebody doesn't like it. I feel that the bin is the best fed in our house. DD2 has texture, colour and shape issues with food (if they are "wrong" then it's in the bin) If I get it wrong once then that's the food off the safe list because she doesn't trust it anymore. The other 2 aren't too bad but have phases. I can't remember the last time we had something like a roast dinner where everyone was happy

[quote toomuchlaundry]@Winniemarysarah do you think making people eat something that distresses them severely is a good thing, when there are alternative foods available?

I'm also assuming no reasonable adjustment is made for many people with disabilities in some countries, is this a good thing?[/quote]
No to both your questions, as I’ve not said either. None of the children are ‘made’ to eat anything. They are offered what is available and that’s it. Though funnily enough I do think it’s a good thing to ‘make’ a child eat a healthy range of food, even if it distresses them. I’ve also clearly said that reasonable adjustments are made, but a diet of yellow chicken nuggets with a tail and lasagne as long as it’s a perfect square are quite frankly ridiculous adjustments. This is what I mean by western children getting pandered to. There are so many ridiculous adjustments as to not cause the slightest bit of distress that their eating disorders become extreme. I’ve got no time for that nonsense, and neither have my family. My step mother is a teacher in Thailand and my father adopted two young children he’s raising there. Their disabilities included eating disorders where they refused to eat anything apart from fried eggs and plain pasta (sometimes with cheese on it if it was the right colour). A few months on and the only foods they’re now refusing are potatoes and beansprouts, they’ll eat literally anything else you put in front of them. From what I’ve experienced fussy eating in children are caused by mental rather than physical issues, and the way people approach it here make it worse rather than better. Pussyfooting around the children, feeding them deep fried processed crap and measuring their lasagne into symmetrical squares as to not upset their mental health, is worsening their mental health.

What research is that based on @Winniemarysarah? They're still kids, so how do you know their MH won't be poor when they're older? That they won't be traumatised like posters in here have stated they are from being pushed to eat things they struggled with?

I'd rather follow the advice of a child psychologist with extensive experience in that specific area. Maybe your step mum and dad can share their wisdom about how they solved this eating disorder that even the experts haven't got a solution too yet though

@Stormsy

What research is that based on *@Winniemarysarah*? They're still kids, so how do you know their MH won't be poor when they're older? That they won't be traumatised like posters in here have stated they are from being pushed to eat things they struggled with?

I'd rather follow the advice of a child psychologist with extensive experience in that specific area. Maybe your step mum and dad can share their wisdom about how they solved this eating disorder that even the experts haven't got a solution too yet though

I’ve already said the treatment is based on exposure therapy. There are few afrid specialists (or in your words ‘child psychologists with extensive experience in that specific area’) in the world that I am aware of, every single one of them that I know of follow this basic element in their treatments though. My parents are always very happy to share their experiences or recommend specialists. I’m still not sure why people on threads like these always have to take it to the extreme. People get so upset at the thought of their opinions being wrong that a simple fussy eating (with no diagnosis thread) has turned into me recommending specialists for rare and extreme eating disorders.

You could try the old fashioned technique of 'that's your dinner, and that's it'. If they don't eat it then they go to bed hungry

That's the technique my parents used, and I used. Works a charm.

What was the TV show (just a few years ago) where they helped a family whose kids who would only eat an extremely restricted diet. They tackled it by getting the kids to make colourful artwork using lots of different foods (using brocoli to paint pictures with yoghurt, squishing fruit to make colours/using spaghetti as hair etc) They could do whatever they wanted with it but the only rule was they weren't allowed to eat any of it. They then regularly repeated the exercise but the kids were allowed to try any of the foods they wanted to, but only if they wanted to - they were in control. I thought that was a lovely approach and seemed to work really well. Wish I could remember where I saw it...

Leftovers could be on the plate next day as well... less for the bin!

I thought my three were fussy but this level of food trickiness is beyond me. Must be soul destroying to home cook but family meals out would be impossible. Just want to send sympathy rather than specific advice as it used to irritate me when family members offered useless suggestions on improving my lot’s diet 🤯!

You have my sympathy DD was a nightmare, soup could only be consumed with a straw then the bigger remnants eaten with a spoon, sausages must be cut into rings with a serrated knife so the edges were sharp.

Prawns should be small pink and c shaped, shrimps conformed on all but colour so they were a no.

Nothing could have a sauce or touch so bread, hard boiled egg and salad great but not constructed into a sandwich.

Weirdly she loved vegetables and odd things like whitebait, fresh tuna and squid rings 🤷‍♀️
22 now and cooks for herself quite happily still on those lines so clearly not just faddy. DH used to eat what she didn't. Dyslexic and ADHD.

I do remember reading one needs to try a new food taste 30 times to gain acceptance and that's certainly worked for a few things she's repeatedly tried over the years, usually introduced by a friend.

My nan and mum were very much; if you don't eat it, you go to bed hungry.
I am the same. I hear stories from other mums about them cooking several dinners for everyone and I dont get it. Parents have enough to contend with without adding to their own stresses.

You as the parent are allowing your child to be fussy. "she literally didn't eat for 6 days" in that case she has mental health issues and needs treatment now to stop it getting worse. Maybe cruel but you are the parent. You need to set the example and you need to get your children fed. Start with one fish and build up. Not sure how to do this, speak to the dietician at school or at you health centre. Just stop validating your children's eating disorders.

@Mirw

You as the parent are allowing your child to be fussy. "she literally didn't eat for 6 days" in that case she has mental health issues and needs treatment now to stop it getting worse. Maybe cruel but you are the parent. You need to set the example and you need to get your children fed. Start with one fish and build up. Not sure how to do this, speak to the dietician at school or at you health centre. Just stop validating your children's eating disorders.

School dietician?

I really needed that laugh.

@Mirw

You as the parent are allowing your child to be fussy. "she literally didn't eat for 6 days" in that case she has mental health issues and needs treatment now to stop it getting worse. Maybe cruel but you are the parent. You need to set the example and you need to get your children fed. Start with one fish and build up. Not sure how to do this, speak to the dietician at school or at you health centre. Just stop validating your children's eating disorders.

That’s just vile advice! Turning meal times and food into a battle ground is never the answer for general fussiness, a child with SEN, or an eating disorder. It will make the situation worse. And a school dietitian? Have a laugh.

My ds when younger went 3 weeks without eating/drinking ,he was vastly underweight and I even had problems getting him to drink unless it was in
a sealed container/pouch.He was in hospital on drip and was diagnosed with ASD.
His choices when he ate had to be certain temp & texture.I never gave up,persistence was key .I was told my nutritionist no food /calories even chocolate were bad foods until he ate properly.
He is now grown up and although not very large,he's healthy and now eats pretty normally including veg/most meat and fish but just eats to live not live to eat.Wish I was more like him
What I'm saying is you dc,will grow out of it just keep introducing new foods and in different formats. Make sure the temperature/texture is right for your dc.
If they have a fave homemade pasta sauce you make freeze it in silicon muffin pans so you can mix with pasta for quick meal whilst you feed the rest of you,I found this helpful.keep strong

Do you know if your children actually get hungry? I was known for being a picky eater as a child, but mostly I just wasn't hungry and I think that was because my mum always had a clear the plate philosophy and wouldn't let me leave the table until I'd finished. Often half way to the next meal. In the end I used to negotiate to leave the dinner unfinished if I went without pudding (somehow it was allowed to leave that uneaten). I think she should have given me less to eat overall and I probably would have finished it and not been so picky. I basically ate the bits I really liked and wasn't hungry so started to find the rest repulsive.
Not sure if it helps, but thought it might be worth a try.

As for people who have never had a child who will literally starve themselves to death then say go to school dietitian,you are living years in the past.
Even with a diagnosis of ASD I had 1 paediatrician say to feed my ds raw sprouts,She was clueless!Now I actually like sprouts but wouldn't eat em raw.This is some of the type of advice you have to wade through till you get someone fighting in your corner.

Really?! My mum got lots of things wrong when I was a child, I refuse to hold it against her though and think of the positives. I know she loves me and did her best the way she knew how to. Maybe time to get rid of the victim mentality and grow up.

@BloomingTrees

You could try the old fashioned technique of 'that's your dinner, and that's it'. If they don't eat it then they go to bed hungry.

Having this done to me as a child left me with life long issues around food. Please don't risk it.

LOL, don't ask me. When I was a child, I was presented with a plate. If I did not eat it, it was refrigerated, then reheated and presented at the next meal...NOT the next dinner, but the next meal. By the time I'd missed 2-3 meals altogether, I ate it. Not the most "child-friendly" method, and I did not use it, but it worked. I'll eat pretty much anything put in front of me now.

@sashadasher

As for people who have never had a child who will literally starve themselves to death then say go to school dietitian,you are living years in the past. Even with a diagnosis of ASD I had 1 paediatrician say to feed my ds raw sprouts,She was clueless!Now I actually like sprouts but wouldn't eat em raw.This is some of the type of advice you have to wade through till you get someone fighting in your corner.

This is so random. If I had to eat sprouts I'd rather have them raw and shredded thanks, it's very similar to raw cabbage which you get in salads and coleslaw. Seems a great idea for a child who prefers crunchy food to mushy food, for example.

This is exactly what we do with autistic DS - safe texture he likes, but don't be afraid to go big on flavour. Obviously if your DS hates crunchy food then it would be a bizarre place to start.

3kidsinsane

Oh my goodness you poor thing. That is an insane level of food related detail. I was a fussy eater and my mother refused to adapt meals. It didn’t leave me with any lasting effect apart from at school I wasn’t allowed out to play until I cleared my plate. We are talking mash get smash with powdery lumps and cabbage that was stewed to snot though. I hid the food in my pockets under cutlery u name. I remember toad in the hole squashed in my blazer pocket. When I travelled around Brazil I never saw a child throw a tantrum over food because for a lot of those children they knew that was it there were no other options. Back in london a toddler was throwing its snack across the bus. A packet of biscuits in Ottolengi just thrown on the floor probably about £15 thrown in a tantrum. I remember SuperNanny on youtube working with extreme fussy eaters where the whole family would be held to ransome and she had some techniques might be worth checking out. I feel for you not only is it mentally exhausting but all the food waste and expense to the household budget and I say this as a former fussy eater.

3kidsinsane
It’s interesting how it looks at the attention given and mums reaction etc maybe some of the techniques could help to step outside of the situation

I remember that supernanny, it was really interesting

My adult son is on the autistic spectrum and has only ever eaten oven chips with either chicken nuggets, sausages or battered fish. I just make myself something different.

I think its worth watching the food related ones to see some tips because there could be dynamics or behaviour patterns that may have been fallen into that could turn things around unless there is another issue that is undiagnosed . I think it has to be worth trying to get back the control as it seems in some situations you can end up pandering to a dictator at the dinner table holding the family to ransom