AIBU to think that leaving a just 16 year old…

[justpoppy]

… alone from after school until gone midnight, three times in a week is too much?

Just read the rest of your posts. If he's more sensible than you were at that age, then you have no problems. If you don't want to do all the things your partners has planned, don't, but don't use your son as an excuse. That would be babying your son and embarrassing for him and unfair to him.

My 4 dcs would have been fine - at 17 dd3 booked a hotel in Fleet Street, a meal out, a film and tickets for an installation at Tate Britain last weekend. Each to their own. Ds at the same age borrowed our MPV for a holiday with school friends.

@TheGirlCat

Just read the rest of your posts. If he's more sensible than you were at that age, then you have no problems. If you don't want to do all the things your partners has planned, don't, but don't use your son as an excuse. That would be babying your son and embarrassing for him and unfair to him.

This.

If he’s capable and happy to be left to get on with things then he should be allowed to do so.

When I was 16 my parents went on holiday for 10 days, I didn’t want to go.

I’m in the ‘he’ll be fine’ camp.

Barring any additional information about him it’s a good opportunity to start flexing those independence muscles. You’re talking about 6-7 hours? He’ll be fine. He should start sorting things out like dinner, and basic things in the household like shutting things down for the night and pet care.

Honestly I think my parents generation had things easier, we were just left to get on with it, but we’re taught from a young age how to manage. So it was all of those lessons when we were learning everything else.

-signed a latchkey kid

@justpoppy

16 year old is a bit of a hermit - chatting to his friends online or doing homework. Probably doesn’t notice if we’re there or not! Won’t feed themselves properly though as they’re lazy but no other siblings in the house - just pets to feed and keep an eye on. Parent and partner out at gigs not working. If something happened it would take over an hour to get back although grandparents are fairly nearby. So as not to drip feed and be secretive 16 year old is my only child and my partner has arranged for us to be out in London 3 times this week and more in the next few weeks. I think it’s too much and I should be at home with him more.

I get this. I am a single parent with 1 Dc, now 16. In the last couple of months I have had some incredible opportunities offered to me that meant me needing to get DC in at home from school, then rushing out all evening. They cope because we having been prepping for this, but i dont have back up apart from a few lovely neighbours. So if we decide that DC will cook themselves a meal and they cut themselves - where do they go? I am over an hour away, perhaps with phone turned off, their dad is over an hour away. So they have a ready meal. Not ideal, but less stressful for me!

But I only do this perhaps once a month they are with me. 3 times a week too much. I think you know this. Mine needed massive support this evening on homework - if I had been out it wouldn't have happened.

But I only do this perhaps once a month they are with me. 3 times a week too much. I think you know this. Mine needed massive support this evening on homework - if I had been out it wouldn't have happened.

I gently challenge this statement…. What kind of of support? If you were providing instruction there is a world of information at our fingertips, if it was oversight to make sure it was done, then that is a lesson we all have to learn about self motivation.

I’ve learned one important lesson in life and that is if you are going to fail, fail early. The stakes are lower and you get the biggest benefit from the lesson.

In other words, being at home for 5-6 hours and making mistakes, forgetting stuff, and generally bumbling through experience is far better at 16 than 26, or 36.

• So if we decide that DC will cook themselves a meal and they cut themselves - where do they go? I am over an hour away, perhaps with phone turned off, their dad is over an hour away. So they have a ready meal. Not ideal, but less stressful for me!

But I only do this perhaps once a month they are with me. 3 times a week too much. I think you know this. Mine needed massive support this evening on homework - if I had been out it wouldn't have happened.*

I would love to say I cannot believe this, but I can. Imagine being so deeply obsessive as a helicopter parent that you worry that a 16 year old might cut themselves. 6 year old I can understand, but a 16 year old? This is terrifying that that post could be real. And needing mummy's homework help at 16?

I just can't even...... We wonder why teenagers and young adults are so helpless and unable to cope. When mummy worries a 16 year old 'might cut themselves' (what if a 22 year old cuts themself?) it's obvious why this generation is so fucked.

Of course it's okay for a 16 year old to be on their own. I was home alone for a week at 15 when my parents went on holiday. It was bliss.

You'll be in for a rude awakening in two short years if you don't think a 16 year old should be left unsupervised for a few hours.

Depends on the 16 yo, and also why you’re doing it.

If you have to work an evening shift, you have to work. You’re not really going to get a babysitter in. If you’re out socialising every night after work leaving your 16 yo it sucks a bit for the 16yo, and makes them feel somewhat low priority.

But just reading your update, you’re saying just in a particular week, not three nights every weeks. So I don’t think that’s a problem.

Ppl are so weird on here. You leave your poor BABYs in nursery for 5 bloody days a week but then you wonder if you can reasonably leave an almost adult 16 year old home a lone for a few hours!!!! Seriously, the world has gone so mad!!

16!

Course it's not

16 you can leave school and work, babysit, legally reproduce, join the army and are a year away from being able to drive a vehicle that could potentially kill someone.

16 year old may not be adults in the eyes of the law but without a doubt a 16 year old should be able to stay o. Their own 3 times a week past midnight . If not I worry for the future of this world

P.s at 16 I would of loved to of been In The house on my own all evening ! #freedom

They can get married at 16 ....

I lived alone at 16. I leave my 15 and 16 year old overnight. It definitely depends on the 16 year old but I’d have no worries about doing that. We have cameras around the house so can check in.

Partner isn't DSs Dad I assume? How long have you been together? Not a dig, just wondering if he's been a long term good step dad who now things you can both claim some freedom or if it's newer and someone who doesn't want to have to hang out with your child so is trying to push you out of the house as much as possible.

Have you asked DS how he feels? What time will he go to bed?

@Snoozer11

You'll be in for a rude awakening in two short years if you don't think a 16 year old should be left unsupervised for a few hours.

That’s what I think about when making these decisions-in less then two years, DD wants to be living at university miles away from us so she needs to gradually learn to be independent now. It’s far worse to boot them out at 18 with no idea how to cope on their own ( yes, I know they’ll be in halls with other people, but essentially they do need to fend for themselves). It’s hard not to worry sometimes, but letting them experience a few evenings alone now isn’t a bad thing.

For me

3 times a week because it was your job and the only way to support your family - yes.

3 times in one week as a one-off because you happened to have 3 social things - yes

3 times a week every week or most weeks no.

I thought for those mid/late teen years when they were in school, it mattered that they were at home studying in a home that was still focused on them with dinner/people/chat etc.

If my children were living independently at age 16 I would have felt a complete failure as a parent.

No, I moved away for uni at 17, seems like a good start to get some independence

I was babysitting a couple of nights a week at that age, and know people who were living independently at 16. He’ll be fine.

That said, I’d only do it if DS is okay with it. I also know people who were anxious at being home alone at night, and having a good cry to my mum in the lead-up to my gcse exams was quite therapeutic. Of course, we’d all have survived being left, but would probably have felt a little abandoned if our mums had gone out with their partners 3x a week while we were anxious at home.

As they can get matted at 16 I would think so.

@SleepingStandingUp

Partner isn't DSs Dad I assume? How long have you been together? Not a dig, just wondering if he's been a long term good step dad who now things you can both claim some freedom or if it's newer and someone who doesn't want to have to hang out with your child so is trying to push you out of the house as much as possible.

Have you asked DS how he feels? What time will he go to bed?

No partner isn’t DS’s Dad. We’ve been together 6 years, lived together just over a year. No problems in the relationship at all. DS has no contact with his Dad (his dad’s choice) but DP has older children and I think forgets that they had their siblings and two parents at home for company when they were this age. I am probably slightly oversensitive about it because until we moved here it was always just me and DS at home and he would go to GP’s for the night if I was out. I think he goes to bed about 10/10.30 days he never hears us when we come in and doesn’t mind being alone but it’s becoming so much more frequent (especially at the moment with things having been rescheduled due to Covid).

If my children were living independently at age 16 I would have felt a complete failure as a parent.

^^This! I’d hate to think my child didn’t still have my full support, guidance and company at this age.