AIBU to think that leaving a just 16 year old…

[justpoppy]

… alone from after school until gone midnight, three times in a week is too much?

Three times in a week because that's how things worked out when everything comes together is fine IMO. Three times every week wouldn't be ideal.

I left home at 16. Unless they have additional needs, it's fine. Yes, ideally they'd maybe have parents around more, but the world isn't ideal is it?

I had a full time job at a supermarket plus college at 16, had to get the 11 o’clock bus home 4 nights a week. It’s fine.

Of course it depends on the teen, but personally I was living independently at that age.

We went away for two nights and for one reason and another dd18 was out more than intended, leaving dd16 alone until 10.30 one evening and 2am the next evening. We and dd18 were in contact by messaging and dd16 was technically fine, waited up for her sister and they spent time together each night, but yes it was too much, I think she was tense, and I wouldn't have planned it that way.

I had my own flat and job at 16. I’d happily leave my 14yo alone until midnight a few times a week

@Blossomtoes

I regularly babysat two kids when I was 16. I can’t believe how much kids are infantalised these days.

I agree, and I don't think being infantilised does them any favours at all.

At some point they need to be ready to live out in the world, and the teen years should be about getting them ready for that. At 18, he could be living at uni on his own, 24/7. 3 evenings a week alone, for a few weeks, is good prep.

Yep agree 100%. He needs to learn to be more independent. This time next year he’ll be in the sixth form and potentially driving!

I left home and worked full time at 16. Not saying that is normal by any stretch but a teen should be able to manage a few nights by themselves

I think it’s too much and I should be at home with him more.

So stay home.

Assuming there's no underlying issues, I should think he'd be ok. I think I had a friend round if my parents were out til late as a teen, but I was a bit skittish!

My teenage bf was regularly left at home alone for a couple of weeks at a time at 16+ when his mum & step dad were away. I used to go and stay with him on my weekends out of boarding school or a few days in the holidays and we got on fine.

I don't think its a question of whether he is being infantilised or whether he's independent enough to look after himself and other people have managed at that age, its whether he wants to do that.
Of course a 16 year old can manage and he's said he doesn't want to out on the town on a school night.
But ultimately you need to find out if he wants/needs you around a bit more and if regular evenings alone are going to be too much or not. Its been a crap year for school kids, and at that age he may have a stressful time and just want an adult to talk to.
The other issue is,
my partner has arranged for us to be out in London 3 times this week and more in the next few weeks. I think it’s too much and I should be at home with him more
How much say do you have in these arrangements? If you don't want this you need to speak up.

I was often alone at 16 as my dad was in the army and my mum worked shifts. I moved out when I was 17.

I think it's fine. My 14yo would be ok with being left like that and actually more so would totally love it.

How do you think he will feel about you going out 3+ times per week, or more, with your partner & him being left on his own?

I think it's fine if you HAVE to work or whatever and even to an extent if you made a commitment to a sports team or something, but choosing to 'go out' so much socially might start to feel (to him) personal, like you're choosing not to spend time with him. OTOH he might be glad you're off out, you know him, we don't! But at his age I think you need to be careful about damaging your relationship with him

At 16 I had dd who was a year old.

I left her at 16 when I was at work (12hr) shifts.

@FWBNC

How do you think he will feel about you going out 3+ times per week, or more, with your partner & him being left on his own?

I think it's fine if you HAVE to work or whatever and even to an extent if you made a commitment to a sports team or something, but choosing to 'go out' so much socially might start to feel (to him) personal, like you're choosing not to spend time with him. OTOH he might be glad you're off out, you know him, we don't! But at his age I think you need to be careful about damaging your relationship with him

It’s one week, not every week.

@WandaVision2

Depends on the 16yo, and the reason.

Word for word this! Out partying or working, very different. And communications. If the parent is contactable and the 16yo can check in and FaceTime parents or other responsible adults and has warm house amd nice food left, it’s ok.

Millions of years ago now but at 16 I had a FT job and was nightclubbing in Birmingham most nights so I would have been fine in the house alone until 12am (except I was out at a nightclub )

Fast forward to now. DS1 would not have wanted to be left, but DS2 would have been all for it.

It's fine. They are 16. Not 6

If your child can’t cope alone at home at 16, when on earth will they be ready?
My DD was alone for three days at home aged 15, while I was in Prague.
She then travelled 300 miles to camp alone at a LARP festival when she was 16. And had a whale of time, along with a bunch of middle aged men dressed as trolls and Viking warriors, wielding fake axes, who caused a bit of a stir when they turned up in ASDA to buy food and camping supplies!

This is astounding. My middle DD has LD's/autism and she could have prepared food and fed herself. I was another one who lived alone at 16. I think that teens should be given more support than they used to, but they should be able to be left alone until late and even overnight. The lads I knew used to go night fishing from 14. This inability to function independently must be adding to the anxiety and poor mental health that so many young people seem to suffer from.

I think I this thread has attracted all those who lived alone at 16. Personally I never knew anyone who lived alone at 16, so the answers maybe skewed.
My teens wouldn’t sleep until I was home, so that would’ve a lot of late nights on school nights.

I think if this was EVERY week, I'd want to think about arranging something - if only to be sure he was eating properly.
But as an occasional thing, with GPs close by for emergencies and teen happy alone - fine.

It really depends on the 16 year old. Looking back at the 16 year old I was I think it would have been fine. I had a much younger sibling so was used to looking after myself in my family home.