What does "I don't want to have sex mean"?

[PilatesPeach]

This is about me. I said to chap on 1st date right at the outset that I did not want to have sex - those were my words - he takes that to mean I do not want PIV intercourse but otherwise all else ok eg bjs and him making me come. I feel that is splitting hairs and felt quite uncomfortable and pissed off, especially when accompanied with "aw, common on baby...."
I am not a prude but wanted to have a date to get to know each other properly with no expectations on sex on first date - yes I have done this before but things happen in life and now would prefer to wait till a few dates in.

sorry sp "aw come on baby" (yes fully expect comments as well about those words lol)

Well that saves you wasting some more time on the next few dates with that loser. If he was a nice guy he would have no problem waiting a few dates, it’s not like you are waiting till marriage.

Oh well. Makes it easy for you to block and walk. He's a creep and just clearly sees you as a walking blow up doll.

He’s gross.

What kind of date has that detailed level of sex conversation at the beginning of it? What are you actually asking?

It's not unreasonable to think no sex could mean u are up to other stuff, but he shouldn't assume so and he could have asked u to clarify. However, based on aw come on baby, he seems like an entitled disrespectful twat who doesn't care about your boundaries

Well obviously it means what it means, but I suppose there's room for him to wilfully misinterpret depending on the context.

If you were sat in a bar and told him you don't want to have sex he's definitely being unreasonable to ask you for a blow job. If you're in private and already in an intimate situation (kissing, touching) then I can see why he might wrongfully assume it as 'full' penetrative sex that you don't want to have.

He's an utter twat to try and pressure you, whatever the circumstances though. Bin him off.

EEEwwww block and run. The bloodywell cheek of him and his expectations of what he is entitled to on a 1st date. I would be fuming. Why do so many think that you are willing to hop into bed or touch his bits on 1st 2nd or even 3rd date if ever. He is gross and would have told him so.. I would have asked did he 'want a kick in the balls baby'

Well he's easy to filter out

He's gross, and I wouldn't see him again. I think it's fine to have sex on a first date, but it's pretty presumptuous of him to assume it's going to happen. It wouldn't have occurred to me to bring it up, because I wouldn't have thought he was expecting it.

Don't date men who don't understand that no means no, especially ones who show that lack of understanding the first chance they get.

He asked in the middle of last week to have a first day yesterday.

He said would would go to the cinema or out for a meal or a drink - fine I said,

When it came to it, he was tired and asked me to his to "chill out"

I said fine but I wanted to clarify upfront that I did not want to have sex on the first day.

I went round, we had a drink and we kissed on the sofa.
He then tries to move things along further. I reiterated my earlier point and I felt he was trying to cajole or wheedle me into more but saying he was fine no having sex but could I give him a bj and he bring me off and to me, I would include that in the no sex category. He thought that there was a distinction. I thought FFS.

Hope that clarifies anything that people thought was unclear.

He’s a pathetic creep. He knew what you meant but he didn’t give a shit.

Ugh, he sounds repulsive. I would also be very wary about going round to some random man's house to chill out. I would have insisted on meeting at a pub or cafe for the first date. Then there would have been no kissing on the sofa and no misunderstanding the 'I don't want to have sex' comment.

He changed the venue from a public place to his own place and I agreed on the basis of no sex, BEFORE I went round.

I find it fairly meaningless to think everyone coming but no penetrative sex this is the sort of distinction I might have thought relevant as a teen but not nowadays and just find it all so tiresome and juvenile and have had headfuck all day thinking about it and if I am a totally fuddy duddy now - have had sex on first date before and no issue with people doing what they want - it is just not want I want NOW, I am older, I want to get to know someone first and feel some connection to them - I can manage without sex and can bring myself off and therefore my preference nowadays is to have PIV and other stuff with someone I really like and would likely want to see again

I wouldn’t have gone to his house. If he’s tired and doesn’t want to go out, he needs to ask if you are happy to rearrange the date. You are well within your rights to not rearrange if you thought he was flaky and unreliable. Or you rearrange and go on a date another time. Going over to “chill” was only ever going to mean one thing. I’d get the ick with him, and keep on looking

I hope you're not seeing him again.

He sounds gross and at least you don’t need to waste any more time on this loser.

“Could you give him a blow job” yuck yuck yuck
That was his intention from the start, I very much doubt he was too tired to go out

Not blaming you at all, but I probably would have declined going to his and said to postpone until he was less tired. He would definitely have got the message then. I agree that he was being disrespectful regardless however.

Oh yes then following your update he's still an utter twat, and a twat with a plan it sounds like.

Eugh.

Wah, majority of the time esp first time u r meeting a guy, if they turn round and say come and chill at mine is always signal for sex!

I would of declined and not gone.

Not blaming you, just saying you might want to realise that

Ugh what a horrible thing to do to you.

He knew exactly what you meant.

By ‘first’ date, I hope you mean ‘only’? You’re not seeing him again, are you?

Just calling me baby would be enough to have me blocking him before he had chance to try coercing me into the rest of it.