What does "I don't want to have sex mean"?

[PilatesPeach]

This is about me. I said to chap on 1st date right at the outset that I did not want to have sex - those were my words - he takes that to mean I do not want PIV intercourse but otherwise all else ok eg bjs and him making me come. I feel that is splitting hairs and felt quite uncomfortable and pissed off, especially when accompanied with "aw, common on baby...."
I am not a prude but wanted to have a date to get to know each other properly with no expectations on sex on first date - yes I have done this before but things happen in life and now would prefer to wait till a few dates in.

Thanks everyone, just letting you know I am logging off now as have to go to work.

PilatesPeach You posted "your experience" on a public forum. I was commenting on that as a user of said public forum. I've been cheated on but I don't take that into other relationships. I'm not saying you do I was just posting how it came across to me. So that was my experience of your comment 😊

Please don't go to random men's houses alone on a first date. Alarm bells ringing.

Provided he wasn't pushy (just a bit gross) then nobody's wrong, you just have different expectations.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

'ohhh, go on, let me stick it in, just once...' Haha. What an offer?!

^^
That’s utterly repugnant!

But memorable and funny. FWIW, he never got to. His oh-so-seductive talk (vom!) didn't work, unsurprisingly. Some men will say all sorts of bullocks to get laid.

But it puts you in a vulnerable position and plenty of people will assume going round to someone's house as open to a hook-up.

Plus it's setting the bar very low in terms of effort and imagination at the very start of dating.

It means he's an arsehole.

Trust me, not all men are like this.

'Aww c'mon baby' would have made my minge clamp shut straight away tbh

If oral isn't sex then does Hilary know Bill might be back on the dating scene?

It doesn’t really matter if both definitions are correct. The fact is that once he realised YOUR definition that should have been the end of the discussion.

@Zilla1

If oral isn't sex then does Hilary know Bill might be back on the dating scene?

Don't be cynical-he has surely reformed after he was mega-outed for his unfaithfulness (bet he won't ejac on any more dresses---ever!!!)

So he thought he could stay comfortably at home and have you bring all that to him and all he offered was a drink?!

First date, last date.

Any guy that asks you for a blow job on your first date, or ever actually, is not a decent guy. Dump him.

You said you wanted to get to know him on the first date - you did 😃

At least you didn’t have to wait for several dates to find out what a creep he is.

I've clearly lost touch OP - announcing what you want/dont want to happen before meeting up is a bit weird to me but there you go.

He sounds like a desperate twat (no reflection on you OP) - he should remain your acquaintance.

YANBU but I do think that it’s always best to be very clear in these situations. To some people ‘sex’ means PIV and everything else is still on the table. Just communicate what’s OK with you and what you consent to to avoid confusion.

@Bounce55

'Aww c'mon baby' would have made my minge clamp shut straight away tbh

‘Aw come on babeeee, it’s not that bad…it’s a common expression babeee…come on…’

Actually, you’re all right. Cheesy and more than a bit Fred West.

I don't know you at all, but I know you can do better than this guy. Fucking chancer.

To answer your question, "I don't want to have sex" in that context means "I don't want to engage in any kind of sexual activity with you at this point in time".

Seriously. Such a pig.

@Zilla1

If oral isn't sex then does Hilary know Bill might be back on the dating scene?

my thoughts exactly

I also think you're giving mixed messages if you say "we're not going to have sex", then start snogging him.

Absolute bollocks. Two completely different things.

What the fuck is all this asking for bjs that seems to be the rage these days? The audacity. I cannot imagine a woman asking for oral sex after just kissing. It should be something that evolves naturally. In my world anyway. Men want all the return for no fucking investment.

to raise a philosophical point-
this insistence that PIV is 'sex' and anything else isn't (what is it then?) goes alongside the notion of 'virginity' as a prime example of how heterosexual men get to define the world.

Aside from the obvious invite to his for sex...

If you took him at face value- i couldnt be arsed going on a FIRST DATE with someone who couldnt be arsed to get out of the front door and make any effort.

Yuk! Maintain your standards and walk.