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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send my 8 years old son to school on the bus?

283 replies

loveblueskys · 11/10/2021 18:18

Hi all,

So DS1 is 8, 9 next month he's in yr4. So the school he goes to is about 2.6 miles from where we currently live (we used to live 5 minutes away from school before we moved in here - 2 years ago) We've been doing the drop off and pick ups of course.

As things have changed now currently pregnant and with 3 years old toddler who goes to nursery since this September, DH works hours, it became quite hard to do the school journeys with DS1.

I had a discussion with DH about sending DS1 to school and back on the bus only one bus straight from our main road to school main road (5-10 minutes walk to the bus stops.

DS is very sensible, mature enough for his age and responsible. He also very good with the journey on his own as we've tested him quite few times to lead us.

We're considering giving him a mobile phone ofc. My only concern is that what if the bus goes on diversion?

Has any of you sent DCs to school alone at around similar age? Just looking for some reassurance. TIA

OP posts:
NeverRTFT · 12/10/2021 05:14

My D Neice does this to/from school. It's fine, she loves it. Rural setting.
Where I live is more urban and I wouldn't let my DC do same at that age.

I'd say it's potentially fine but depending on child and journey

daytripper28 · 12/10/2021 05:17

@FWBNC - loved your saying - when I was young and dinosaurs roamed free (might just use that)

When I was 7 I used to walk a fair distance to school on my own, and did feel a bit scared, but did it anyway as there wasn't a choice.

An 8 year on public transport now? No way now - just nope from me.

Ozgirl75 · 12/10/2021 05:20

This year I’m letting my 11 and 9 year old get the bus home (he’s only just 9) and I wouldn’t let him do it on his own, only when he’s going with his older brother.
Plus it’s a safe area and a quiet bus for about 15 minutes, I wouldn’t do it if it was getting the bus across London or something.

PurrBox · 12/10/2021 05:22

My son took a bus much farther than that to school when he was in year 3. He went with his brother though, who was 2 years older. When I think of it now, I feel some qualms, but he was so grown up and together at the time, it felt like the right thing to do.

It was actually fine- very good for both boys.

Allthingspeaches · 12/10/2021 05:29

Your second child is attending nursery which is non compulsory attendance. I'd arrange with the nursery that you'll be slightly late to drop them off at nursery and prioritise the school run for the older child. Either that or move the eldest somewhere closer.

garlictwist · 12/10/2021 05:40

I used to get the bus to school in year 5 in the nineties. All the kids did as in those days primary school ended in year 4 and we went to middle school. I think it would be ok.

Simonjt · 12/10/2021 05:42

Lots of primary school children round here get the bus alone at that age, do people really employ childminders to drive eight year olds to school?

fuckitbucket16 · 12/10/2021 05:43

This is one of those cool mumsnet threads full of hysteria that makes me realise I live on another planet. Grin

Dead set, I had literally never heard the word “safeguarding” until I joined mumsnet. Now I see it written 2538 times a day and it makes me cringe. Literally everything is a “safeguarding” concern.

But anyway, no one would bat an eyelid at this where I live. Most kids make their own way to school. Have never ever heard any sort of stories about older teenagers bullying young kids, it just doesn’t happen. Everyone looks out for everyone, bus drivers are mostly fantastic and wouldn’t hesitate to help out any small kids get where they need to go.

I do drive my kids to school, but I haven’t actually been into the school to pick them up since year 1. I wait in the car and they come out themselves. During peak covid outbreaks parents weren’t even allowed on school grounds.

Throwntothewolves · 12/10/2021 05:47

Where I grew up (rural Scotland) this was normal as literally half the school travelled by public bus.
But it sounds like this isn't the situation here and you're planning on sending him alone on a public bus in an area in which this is not the norm for primary aged children travelling to/from school. This really isn't ok.

In addition to that your reasons are bring pregnant, another child who goes to nursery (presumably the timings don't work well) and you moved away from DS' school (presumably for a bigger house due to baby on the way) without considering how he would get there after the move (seriously, who does this?!) You are in danger of making DS feel like you really don't care that much about him now there are more important children things to concern yourself with.

You need a new much better plan for the school run that ensures your son's safety.

dchange · 12/10/2021 05:53

You mention dad is working long hours. What time does he leave for work? I am sure your son can attend breakfast club and be dropped by him until the baby arrives. This will give you a breather as can't be easy (if heavily pregnant) doing that journey. When the baby arrives and after a couple of weeks, the school runs will be fun for all. Even the new baby as will have a routine.

You mention your school allows Yr4 to walk home. Can understand small distance. But getting on a 2.6mile bus is a lot....anything can go wrong.

Speak with hubby as you only need a solution in the interim.

Dddccc · 12/10/2021 06:15

I have a nearly 9 yr old and not a hope in hell would I allow him on a bus alone to go to school and your school is crazy even allowing them to on too all it takes is a daydream for him to miss the stop the panic

backtolifebacktoreality · 12/10/2021 06:26

You need to think about how he would handle things if something went wrong, ie the bus was diverted, someone approached him or tried to befriend him etc.

It's too young. Everybody is saying so. You shouldn't have moved home if you can't now get him to school.

If you ask advice then listen to peoples answers.

tinierclanger · 12/10/2021 06:34

Where do you live though @fuckitbucket16? If it’s not the UK, it’s not relevant that everyone is lovely to kids, because you really can’t rely on that here.

sashh · 12/10/2021 06:36

@highlandcoo

I used to come back from school on the bus alone at the age of 5, then walked home for five minutes, crossing two roads. Occasionally in ankle-deep snow. A long time ago but it seems incredible looking back!

I didn't let my own kids take a similar journey until almost at the end of primary school, even though DD begged. I was just too anxious.

Yep I went to my first primary in a different town so I was on the school bus from the second day. It was a school bus so that was a bit different.

I used public transport alone well before high school.

OP

I think this depends on your child and where you live. Children in rural areas often have to get a bus from quite young and people, the bus driver, adult passengers etc look out for them.

You say there are other parents on the bus, do you know them? Could you take it in turns for one parent to supervise a few children on the way to school?

MoiraRose4 · 12/10/2021 06:40

No I wouldn’t do this and I think I’m a pretty relaxed mum. Also, I work in a school and I can tell you this could well trigger alarm bells and a possible referral for a lot of schools.

fuckitbucket16 · 12/10/2021 06:40

@tinierclanger

Where do you live though *@fuckitbucket16*? If it’s not the UK, it’s not relevant that everyone is lovely to kids, because you really can’t rely on that here.
Australia. I realise it’s not relevant, I was just musing at how different life is for others Grin Something no one I know would think twice about has caused 9 pages of hysteria here.
MrsChuckBass · 12/10/2021 06:41

Have you considered whether the bus driver will actually let him on if he's alone? Once on a bus the passengers are the bus drivers responsibility. DHs best friend is a bus driver in London and he's told us about times he's refused to allow a young child to board alone and left them at the bus stop with the parent. In once case there was a young child at the bus stop with no parent, he contacted his supervisor and then diverted the bus to take the child to the bus depot and he was subsequently taken to a police station.
You are being ridiculous and selfish to compromise your child's safety to make your own life easier.

tinierclanger · 12/10/2021 06:47

@fuckitbucket16 it’s not really hysteria, I think everyone is just very surprised that the OP would consider it, as in most parts of the UK, it wouldn’t be safe. I’m sure you can think of a local equivalent.

You may not know this but public transport is mostly crap here, buses are frequently delayed, cancelled and diverted. Community spirit isn’t always great and you can’t rely on someone looking out for kids if something is going wrong.

BikeRunSki · 12/10/2021 06:49

Age 8, I got the tube 3 stops with a change, then crossed a dual carriageway. That was also when dinosaurs roamed free…. Age 9 now, DD is not allowed to walk 5 mins and cross a busy single carriageway. But my dc are country mice.

Dizzyhedgehog · 12/10/2021 06:53

It wouldn't bother me, either...but we don't live in the UK at the moment. From what I remember, everyone was always sooooo worried about kids getting to school and back on their own. Here, it's practically expected that they walk to school on their own when they start 1st grade. In our town, that would involve crossing several main roads.
I'm trying to get the parents of my first graders to at least drop them off at the parking lot down the road and have them walk the 10 minutes to school. The route has been newly done and is perfectly safe. (Our campus is very rural, so most of the kids come by car. We do have a school bus from the nearest city that they can take from the age of 5.)

fuckitbucket16 · 12/10/2021 06:53

[quote tinierclanger]@fuckitbucket16 it’s not really hysteria, I think everyone is just very surprised that the OP would consider it, as in most parts of the UK, it wouldn’t be safe. I’m sure you can think of a local equivalent.

You may not know this but public transport is mostly crap here, buses are frequently delayed, cancelled and diverted. Community spirit isn’t always great and you can’t rely on someone looking out for kids if something is going wrong.[/quote]
That sucks.

I actually live in an area most would find “dodgy” and I can not fault the community spirit at all.

Lulu1919 · 12/10/2021 06:57

I wouldn't
But they are your child and only you know if it sits right with you
The fact you are asking,,..makes me feel you're not sure....so don't do it !!!

liveforsummer · 12/10/2021 06:58

Not unless it was a dedicated school bus which it sounds like it's not. And it doesn't even stop outside the school, so not a case of if the bus was delayed or didn't turn up (both frequent occurrences with public transport- breakdowns, accidents, roadworks etc) then he can pop back inside and inform an adult. He'd be left standing on a street alone a distance away perhaps in the cold and dark in mid winter. What if the bus was sharp and he missed it? The driver not paying attention and drove by his stop (happens all the time) Round here it's pretty common for drunks etc to get on the bus. Would he be ok if someone intoxicated sat down and started rambling to him? I'm pretty relaxed and certainly would allow a 5-10 minute walk at 8 in a safe area without bad road crossings unlike some of the hysterical responses about 11 year olds not walking a couple of minutes but the bus aspect has was too many possibilities to go wrong that are going much for a child of 8 to deal with despite the fact some posters got 3 tubes and scaled a cliff face in the snow to get to school age 5 and 'were fine'. If the school run is a big problem then you could consider moving to the local school as you have younger dc it's going to be a feature for a long time

tinierclanger · 12/10/2021 07:09

@fuckitbucket16 yeah, it does suck! Not a great place to live right now.

liveforsummer · 12/10/2021 07:09

@Blendabrethin

Nope. Do you have any idea of the kinds of weirdos that ride on buses? I had to make a police report a few weeks ago because I was in the bus with my 8 year old daughter and some weird drugged up woman started whispering her and touching her while I had my eyes closed (I had a migraine and was trying not to be sick). I was sat right next to her and had no idea what had happened until I opened my eyes suddenly and the woman drew away suddenly. My daughter only told me what happened when we got off.

Sometimes I don't feel safe alone on a bus as a full grown woman. In the last 2 years I've had a man stick his hand up my skirt, got caught between two fighting women (with my child present), got hassled by some crazy man who started off quite friendly but then started talking about more and more violent things, been licked by an overly friendly rottweiler, been chucked off a bus half way through the journey because the fire alarm went off and been made uncomfortable by numerous drunk and scary individuals. How would your 8 year old feel in any of these situations?

Agree I've had several pretty scary experiences on public transport in various parts of the UK where I've been followed when I've got off, harassed, rambled at or witnessed someone doing it to other people on the bus or simply behaving in an erratic manner. As others have said if it was somewhere rural where many kids travelled there is the safety in numbers aspect and the driver will be more vigilant, possibly have extra training or responsibility levels towards the dc but one dc making this journey alone is totally different.