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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send my 8 years old son to school on the bus?

283 replies

loveblueskys · 11/10/2021 18:18

Hi all,

So DS1 is 8, 9 next month he's in yr4. So the school he goes to is about 2.6 miles from where we currently live (we used to live 5 minutes away from school before we moved in here - 2 years ago) We've been doing the drop off and pick ups of course.

As things have changed now currently pregnant and with 3 years old toddler who goes to nursery since this September, DH works hours, it became quite hard to do the school journeys with DS1.

I had a discussion with DH about sending DS1 to school and back on the bus only one bus straight from our main road to school main road (5-10 minutes walk to the bus stops.

DS is very sensible, mature enough for his age and responsible. He also very good with the journey on his own as we've tested him quite few times to lead us.

We're considering giving him a mobile phone ofc. My only concern is that what if the bus goes on diversion?

Has any of you sent DCs to school alone at around similar age? Just looking for some reassurance. TIA

OP posts:
Halo1234 · 11/10/2021 22:12

Too young. Imo. 10 min walk with friends ok. Bus ride alone nope. I would say that's more appropriate around 12 not 8 years old.

Lifeinthescratcher · 11/10/2021 22:13

If this was a supervised school bus, yes but no way, you are leaving your ds wide open to coming to harm. Hes 8!! You made your choices now parent your dc.

Eccle80 · 11/10/2021 22:14

I wouldn’t feel comfortable with this at that age. Mine have walked about 1km home at 9, but I’d feel there is potential for more complications with a bus, delays, cancellations, wrong stop etc.

However, for those who say the school would treat it as a safeguarding issue, our local council refused to provide a designated school bus for year 5s starting middle school so potentially just turned 9, and instead gave them passes to get the public buses, so I assume it is considered acceptable for that age to get a bus alone!

hiredandsqueak · 11/10/2021 22:14

It would be a no from me although just to illustrate how times have changed my youngest sister used to catch a bus home from school alone (normal service bus) age five. In the morning she travelled with me 10 but she finished school earlier so went by herself.

Monkey44 · 11/10/2021 22:16

No way! You make it work and drop the toddler off later or get your DS into breakfast club and drop him earlier.

Sandygran · 11/10/2021 22:25

Another oldie here. I agree with everyone else that he is too young.
I often see threads like this though and wonder what has happened to make (or make us think that) children are in more danger now than they used to be.
I walked to school from the age of 5. By the age of 8 I was walking home with my younger brother and sister and looking after them until my parents got home from work. We lived in a city, so lots of traffic (lollipop lady to cross the main road). There were no mobile phones or security cameras. Just interesting that we were capable of behaving responsibly then but can't allow our own children/ grandchildren to do so.

SeptemberAlexandra · 11/10/2021 22:26

Absolutely no way should your child be making this journey alone. The world is a scary enough place for the adults let alone an 8/9 year old. You need to accompany him or find an alternative solution to the option of neglect.

yikesanotherbooboo · 11/10/2021 22:34

We caught train and bus to school from when I was in year 5 and DSis in year 3 ( or equivalent).There were also significant walks at each end . We were fine but we always had each other. I am also ancient.
I think an 8 yo can do this but it is really not the done thing now and it might be very hard for you to live with.I would try to find an alternative.

crimsonlake · 11/10/2021 22:34

I hope you take on board everyones views that he is too young and do not do tihs.

Paddingtonthebear · 11/10/2021 22:36

Nope and if wouldn’t be allowed at our school either. I think even sensible 8 - 9 year olds could be very easily thrown or scared if something went wrong

FoxInABox · 11/10/2021 22:38

I wouldn’t. My DS is 9 next month. He is sensible but I would not feel comfortable with that all.

DontJumpInTheFountain · 11/10/2021 22:44

I agree with the others that he's too young, and that there are too many potential situations that could be upsetting or unsafe for him. But I also feel sad for him. Imagine being the only one leaving on their own.

Two ten minute walks, the bus journey itself, the time spent waiting for buses - they'll all add up to considerably more time than the car journey he's presumably used to, and in the dark and bad weather it will be miserable on his own. If he doesn't like it and associates it with the arrival of a sibling it might make things even worse.

It sounds like you want to inconvenience him because your life is going to be a bit tricky. But you (and your DH) are the adults here. Sort it out.

brightwhite · 11/10/2021 22:46

No.
Too young.

Maybe if walking down the road / round the corner. Definitely not on public transport it's far too risky.

Blendabrethin · 11/10/2021 22:49

Nope. Do you have any idea of the kinds of weirdos that ride on buses? I had to make a police report a few weeks ago because I was in the bus with my 8 year old daughter and some weird drugged up woman started whispering her and touching her while I had my eyes closed (I had a migraine and was trying not to be sick). I was sat right next to her and had no idea what had happened until I opened my eyes suddenly and the woman drew away suddenly. My daughter only told me what happened when we got off.

Sometimes I don't feel safe alone on a bus as a full grown woman. In the last 2 years I've had a man stick his hand up my skirt, got caught between two fighting women (with my child present), got hassled by some crazy man who started off quite friendly but then started talking about more and more violent things, been licked by an overly friendly rottweiler, been chucked off a bus half way through the journey because the fire alarm went off and been made uncomfortable by numerous drunk and scary individuals. How would your 8 year old feel in any of these situations?

brightwhite · 11/10/2021 22:52

What happens if the bus broke down?
Child ill on the way?
Approached by a stranger?

Too many what if's.

The only way round I see is asking a parent in the bus you know to keep an eye but they may not want extra responsibility.

Can you change the little ones nursery to a nursery at/ near the eldest's school?

What was your plan when deciding on youngests school?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/10/2021 22:54

@Blendabrethin

Nope. Do you have any idea of the kinds of weirdos that ride on buses? I had to make a police report a few weeks ago because I was in the bus with my 8 year old daughter and some weird drugged up woman started whispering her and touching her while I had my eyes closed (I had a migraine and was trying not to be sick). I was sat right next to her and had no idea what had happened until I opened my eyes suddenly and the woman drew away suddenly. My daughter only told me what happened when we got off.

Sometimes I don't feel safe alone on a bus as a full grown woman. In the last 2 years I've had a man stick his hand up my skirt, got caught between two fighting women (with my child present), got hassled by some crazy man who started off quite friendly but then started talking about more and more violent things, been licked by an overly friendly rottweiler, been chucked off a bus half way through the journey because the fire alarm went off and been made uncomfortable by numerous drunk and scary individuals. How would your 8 year old feel in any of these situations?

I had an awful experience on a bus home from school when I was 12, I was street smart,hobby and confident usually buy I was paralysed with fear.
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/10/2021 22:55

**gobby not hobby!

Balonzette · 11/10/2021 23:47

I'd say 11 at the youngest to go alone.

NoSquirrels · 11/10/2021 23:51

You’ve got a good few years before this is reasonable.

You chose to move house and you chose to have more children. You and your DH now need to sort out logistics.

PaddingtonStareBare · 12/10/2021 00:48

You know your son OP, if he's mature and there are other kids on the bus then I think I'd let him do it.

It's a very cultural thing here to stop our children doing things independently like this at his age but other counties in Europe it wouldn't be raising an eyebrow.
I didn't grow up here in the UK but I was travelling upto 45 minutes each way on to school on a public bus by his age into a city, so not a rural backwater.
I knew what to do, there were others students around from my school who I knew and could approach for help if I needed it and it fostered a sense of community from a young age, as a consequence as I got older I too started looking out for the younger kids on my route.

At the same time though, I know things have changed now, and we are much more protective however you can always leave it another year, won't do him any harm and you'll have more peace of mind.

episcomama · 12/10/2021 01:11

@Booboosweet

8 is far too young. We live a 3 minute walk from school and I won't let dc goalone til she's 11.
What? You won't let a child walk unsupervised for three minutes until they're high school aged? WTF do you live, south side Chicago?
JustLyra · 12/10/2021 04:41

@Sandygran

Another oldie here. I agree with everyone else that he is too young. I often see threads like this though and wonder what has happened to make (or make us think that) children are in more danger now than they used to be. I walked to school from the age of 5. By the age of 8 I was walking home with my younger brother and sister and looking after them until my parents got home from work. We lived in a city, so lots of traffic (lollipop lady to cross the main road). There were no mobile phones or security cameras. Just interesting that we were capable of behaving responsibly then but can't allow our own children/ grandchildren to do so.
There was safety in numbers then. Everyone travelled to school without an adult so bus drivers kept an eye out, bus companies let schools know if buses were late or cancelled, schools were aware that Billy and Mary should have got off that bus and there were lollipop ladies.

And, of course, there were plenty of incidents of children having trouble on their journey to or from school. I remember the creepy drunk guy on my bus to school, and being flashed on the woods path was a regular feature. I’d be horrified if my children faced either of those issues.

The main thing is that in other places where this is common the child would be travelling with other children. Here the other children will be with an adult so the child will be completely on their own.

Lokdok · 12/10/2021 04:45

God no!!!

PeriChristmas · 12/10/2021 05:06

No.

MyOtherProfile · 12/10/2021 05:09

I don't understand why having a toddler and being pregnant stops you taking your 8 year old to school. He is too young to take a bus on his own.