what to do to mend rift?

[CheltenhamLady]

Two old friends of mine, one let's call her Paula, is always given leeway because she doesn't have much of a life, and she can be notoriously difficult and insensitive. The other (Annie) has a great life, but is very sensitive to the other friends' situation.

Annie posted photos of her daughter's wedding. She looked really lovely, very elegant and MOB.

Paula posted on Facebook 'quite a nice outfit, but don't like the hat'

Annie was very upset and has almost cut her off, saying she is sick of making allowances for her and that she was very rude and unthinking to post something like that on social media.

I have tried to smooth things over but Annie has gone silent on the subject and won't be drawn into a discussion about it. Paula has said she was just being honest and can't really see the issue.

How can I help?

You can’t I’m afraid. Annie has had enough and I don’t blame her.

Why do you want to? Paula sounds like a mean girl.

Stay out of it. Don't force Annie to make up to Paula.
What Paula said was completely not ok and Annie is allowed to be upset by insensitive comments.

Stay out of it. You'll just end up like piggy in the middle
Annie has had enough, nothing you can do about that

Why are you trying to make Annie be friends with such a nasty person? Paula wrote that comment intentionally to hurt Annie. You should be supporting Annie and cutting out Paula.

Why do you make allowances for Paula? She sounds unpleasant. Maybe that’s why she has a small life with few friends?

You can't, if your friends are old enough to be MOB they are old enough to manage their own relationships.
Of course this is difficult for you if you are usually a threesome(or larger) for meetups.
All you can do is remain in usual contact with both of your friends and let them work it out or not at their own pace.

That is a rude and insensitive post and I'd be pissed off as well (especially if it's not uncommon for the person to be rude!). You can think what you like but you don't need to comment on someone's photo especially negatively. Don't help. Step away and let them sort out their own issues. Annie is well within in her rights to dump the friendship.

This is so wierd
She decided to post that needless comment
She's got to take responsibility
You've got to leave it.
Are you Paula?

Paula is reaping what she’s sown. And not before time by the sounds of things.

Act like a dick and people won’t want to associate with you.

Annie is in the right. If you’re a good friend you back her up. If Paula complains tell her not to be a dick.

This is not your rift. If you try and undermine Annie’s boundaries you’ll lose her as a friend too.

You can help by respecting Annie’s feelings, not trying to suppress them to meet your own goal.

@Michaelangelo467

Why are you trying to make Annie be friends with such a nasty person? Paula wrote that comment intentionally to hurt Annie. You should be supporting Annie and cutting out Paula.

This!

Maybe, as others have said, Paula has a small life & is miserable because she's not a nice person...

Paula sounds miserable and draining. If you cant say anything nice springs to mind

Paula is a bitch. She's jealous of her friend and is trying to bring her down. I don't blame Annie for not wanting anything to do with her.

I know how awful a comment it was and believe me I have told Paula that.

We do usually socialise as a three because Paula has few other friends and I feel sorry for her, as did Annie.

I know that I can't really resolve the issue but I wanted to see what others would do, if anything.

Paula was extremely rude. Why is it your job to smooth things over?

I'd stay out of it, Paula did the wrong thing by posting a needlessly unkind remark.

Nasty comment. I'd stop bothering with the mean friend. It's not your problem if others see her for what she is and don't want to know.

Why do you feel you need to ‘help’?

Paula is nasty, Annie has understandably had enough.

Why exactly do you feel you have to get involved and smooth things over? You should be respecting Annie’s decision - if you want to remain friends with both of them, keep your beak out of it.

Not sure I'd be THAT bothered if someone said they didn't like my hat? As long as I liked it, and my daughter the bride liked it... Does Paula do this deliberately or unthinkingly?

Paula has few other friends

I'm not surprised if she makes comments like that!

Well there’s a reason Paula doesn’t have many friends isn’t there? She’s horrible.

Pity isn’t a good basis for friendship and no one is obliged to put up with shoddy behaviour.

If Paula turned nasty on you would you appreciate Annie backing you up or trying to undermine you and try to make you overlook it?

Her actions show Paula doesn’t care about Annie, her feelings or her friendship. So what’s there to fight for?

Does Paula do this deliberately or unthinkingly?

If it was unthinking she’d apologise. Instead she’s defending it.

Paula was extremely rude to make a comment on social media like that, its no wonder she has few friends. It's not your problem, just keep out of it.

Methinks Paula has few friends for a reason...