what to do to mend rift?

[CheltenhamLady]

Two old friends of mine, one let's call her Paula, is always given leeway because she doesn't have much of a life, and she can be notoriously difficult and insensitive. The other (Annie) has a great life, but is very sensitive to the other friends' situation.

Annie posted photos of her daughter's wedding. She looked really lovely, very elegant and MOB.

Paula posted on Facebook 'quite a nice outfit, but don't like the hat'

Annie was very upset and has almost cut her off, saying she is sick of making allowances for her and that she was very rude and unthinking to post something like that on social media.

I have tried to smooth things over but Annie has gone silent on the subject and won't be drawn into a discussion about it. Paula has said she was just being honest and can't really see the issue.

How can I help?

I think it is a nasty comment. Why would you feel the need to post that on a friend’s social media. It would only make her second guess whether she looked bad, and take the gloss off her daughter’s wedding day memories. Paula is mean and wanted to upset Annie. I imagine she is jealous.

Paula sounds like she has a big issue and just says whatever pops into her head without thinking. Don't blame the other friend for having had enough of her. Just stay out of it and let them sort it out between themselves as nothing more you can do. She sounds downright rude.

You are enabling Paula’s unpleasant behaviour.

If she wants friends then she needs to learn
How to treat them.

Dislike when people use the just been honest thing, she was just been a biatch. Does she take pleasure out of putting others down.

Paula is rude. There are loads of brazen Paulas passing off bitchy comments as honesty. I steer clear of them. As now is Annie. Good for her.

You'll have to have two Christmas meet ups this year. One with each friend.

I think you need to be blunt with Paula, @CheltenhamLady - “Paula - I won’t be organising a Christmas do this year because your comment really upset Annie, and she doesn’t want to socialise with you. It is up to you to try to repair the friendship, by apologising and making amends.”

People who use "only being honest" as an excuse for nasty comments are contemptible.

I would stop feeling sorry for her OP.

If you haven’t asked for an opinion, don’t give it. I was always taught if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. It’s just rude and unecessary. Especially if opinions weren’t sought. I wouldn’t do anything. If Paula asks about Christmas, I’d be honest with her and say how she treated Annie wasn’t kind and unfortunately the xmas get together isn’t happening this year. Unless she apologies to Annie and Annie accepts the apology and is happy to move on.

It's not that it's a nasty comment, it's that she's undermining a very happy moment for Anne and now that photo that she probably loved will be tainted by that comment.

I don't have any time for people like this, who pull others down and then do the wide eyed execuse of ' I was only being honest'. It's passive aggressive and is designed to undermine the happiness of others.

Posting a picture on social media to celebrate her daughter's wedding doesn't give people license to pick someone apart. Its a sad side effect of social media that people think that they have the right to do this trolling of each other.

@CheltenhamLady

I know how awful a comment it was and believe me I have told Paula that.

We do usually socialise as a three because Paula has few other friends and I feel sorry for her, as did Annie.

I know that I can't really resolve the issue but I wanted to see what others would do, if anything.

Being friends with her because you feel sorry for her is not being a friend. There's clearly a reason Paula has no friends and she has shown that by being mean to Annie. If I were Annie I'd be done too. It's up to you if you want to remain friends with and socialise with Paula but it's not up to you to put pressure on Annie to do the same.

I can't stand the "just being honest/no offence but/I just tell it how it is" crowd.

Nobody bloody well asked!

Go and have a nice Christmas outing with Annie and let Paula have a think about how well her unsolicited, mean "honesty" is going for her.

Paula has fucked it. She might think it is a storm in a tea cup and you will be having an Xmas meet up but I bet you can think of many times Paula said something mean or nasty taking to wind out of your sails. She has no friends as it seems everyone around you does not want someone making comments and likes fun, nice people.
It’s not the comment, as some people have said it is uncalled for and a little mean but the fact it is so public and picks on Anne in a group photo specifically on a very special day-is Anne not allowed to feel fab at her daughters wedding or did Paula get jealous. I know women who have done similar things-they don’t have friends ether.

Paula is a cow, completely out of order and needs to apologise

I know there is the expectation (from Paula, as she has little else going on in her life) of the Xmas get together looming

I think you mentioned she's fond of "just 'giving her opinion and being honest'" ... in which case she shouldn't mind being told exactly why a Christmas meet-up isn't happening

Except of course she will; she may even kick up a stink about it, which could be handy in giving you the ideal excuse to drop her (not that you need one)

Paula's a rude cow.

Paula is a cow and maybe has a shit life because she is such a cow.

Paula sounds like my mother. She doesn't have any friends or family members who talk to her anymore. She doesn't care because "she's right"

Be friends with both and respect Annie’s wishes to disconnect with Paula as Paula sounds like a nasty piece of work.

I can see why Paula is a Larry loner

I know you want to heal the rift out of kindness to Paula op but the problem is that by forcing it, you are doing Annie an injustice by saying she's not entitled to her feelings.

It's so ridiculously rude to post that on SM. Annie's reaction is warranted.

Annie is right.

Paula will never change.

It was hurtful to say that, about something so personal, so Annie is quite rightly cutting her losses.

You'll be next.

Paula was honest in her views on the hat.

Annie has been honest that she’s no longer putting up with nasty barbs.

Sounds like you need to be honest that the Christmas thing is a non starter and that’s what happens when people act like arseholes.

Oh well.

No wonder Paula doesn’t have many friends. She should of just kept her opinion to herself. I really don’t blame Annie for reacting as she has. I would just leave it if I was you.

Has anyone asked if she has ASD yet?

It's a very stupid situation, and adults should grow up, as they Are grown up, and should not be so petty about small things. Glad I don't know any of these kind of humans. !

Just dump Paula and enjoy being friends with Annie.