what to do to mend rift?

[CheltenhamLady]

Two old friends of mine, one let's call her Paula, is always given leeway because she doesn't have much of a life, and she can be notoriously difficult and insensitive. The other (Annie) has a great life, but is very sensitive to the other friends' situation.

Annie posted photos of her daughter's wedding. She looked really lovely, very elegant and MOB.

Paula posted on Facebook 'quite a nice outfit, but don't like the hat'

Annie was very upset and has almost cut her off, saying she is sick of making allowances for her and that she was very rude and unthinking to post something like that on social media.

I have tried to smooth things over but Annie has gone silent on the subject and won't be drawn into a discussion about it. Paula has said she was just being honest and can't really see the issue.

How can I help?

Paula is a rude dick head and doesn't deserve to have friends.

Paula is a twat. That is why she has no friends. If she wants to save the friendship she should be apologising.

Paula is being really rude, she could easily have kept that to herself. I dont blame Annie for having had enough.

I think it is odd for her to comment so publicly on Facebook about a joyous event in her life. This for me would be the issue. Your true friends could possibly get away with that comment but in different circumstances. Is she known for speaking her mind?

I think the only way you can “help” is to stop being an enabler for Paula. When she mentions the Christmas thing, you can reply “I don’t think there’s really an appetite for it this year, you really offended Annie”. If she chooses not to apologise, she chooses a lonely life

You need to stop enabling the bad behaviour.

If Annie had said do you prefer outfit A or B? Then the comment would be fine but Paula has shat on a special day which is plain horrid. I would do something with Annie and give Paula a wide berth. If she asks why then tell her - as a person who allegedly likes honesty, she should know that her behaviour is plain nasty.

I am just going to see them separately and tell Paula why.

I know she won't understand why Annie is offended, and will simply say she was being honest. I don't think she will care enough to do more.

That is why she has so few friends, is single and lives with her elderly mum at 49. She is actually quite happy with her life, and on reflection, it is correct that the few friends she does have engage with her on unequal terms. That is, they feel sorry for her when they compare her life to their own and include her in events because of that.

It isn't a great basis for a friendship. Although, as I said previously, she can be kind and thoughtful when she wants to be. It just doesn't happen that often!!