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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my boss can’t ask for pictures of child’s injury

172 replies

Hurtburt · 10/10/2021 18:19

My little boy has just started walking, he hit his eye on a table Sad This happened yesterday and it wasn’t too bad. Today I was due into work but his eye was blood shot, he had a massive black eye and he just looked awful. I told work I needed to take him to the hospital to be checked over. Work at first said okay. Then my boss text to say do I have any pictures of his eye? I feel like that is crossing the line, I’ve been here 5 years. Am I being unreasonable to think they can’t ask this of me?
My manager has now said we will have a meeting tomorrow for a chat

OP posts:
devildeepbluesea · 10/10/2021 18:20

Unless there's a massive back story of your being untrustworthy, that's completely unreasonable.

Lightswitch123 · 10/10/2021 18:21

Sounds like there must be more to this story... do you take much time off OP?

insancerre · 10/10/2021 18:22

That’s outrageous
You are entitled to take your child to hospital in an emergency

TheAverageUser · 10/10/2021 18:22

Do you take a lot of days off? If there's no backstory then it's not reasonable.

XenoBitch · 10/10/2021 18:23

Totally unreasonable.
If you have had to take your little boy to hospital, then surely you would have either been given medication, or a leaflet on aftercare... anything like that. You can show that to your boss if he keeps pushing the matter.
It is totally inappropriate for him to ask for photos. What if your lad had problems with a different body part?

Original poster
Hurtburt · 10/10/2021 18:23

I was signed off during my pregnancy but that couldn’t be helped. I haven’t had a lot of time off. I do think they’re a bit annoyed I took my full maternity leave. When my baby was about 6 weeks old they called to ask me when I will be back in as they are really busy. We already had a meeting to discuss my return date and they knew I would be taking the full 9 months

OP posts:
WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 10/10/2021 18:23

If he doesn’t believe you asking for a picture is not the way to go about it. It seems weird.

RedMarauder · 10/10/2021 18:25

It is completely unreasonable and over stepping.

Your child isn't her employee so apart from you needing unpaid leave everything else about him is none of her business.

LawnFever · 10/10/2021 18:25

That’s completely out of order, do you have a HR policy about time off for child care emergencies that you can refer to?

Viviennemary · 10/10/2021 18:26

They obviously suspect you're swinging it. Have they any reason to think this.

Original poster
Hurtburt · 10/10/2021 18:26

Our company is a very small company, we don’t have a HR department. They didn’t even know basic maternity rules. I had to send links about pay etc. I do absolutely hate it there so wasn’t sure if I was overreacting. I think this may be the final straw for me

OP posts:
LubaLuca · 10/10/2021 18:27

Take the photo and show the manager the injury. Ask them why they wanted to see it though, and make sure they don't fob you off with some non-answer. Push them into admitting it's because they didn't believe you.

Was it the manager that you spoke to when you first called?

FelicityPike · 10/10/2021 18:31

Are you the first employee to take maternity?
Are you the only mum in their employ? (I would say parent, but it doesn’t sound like that would matter).

shouldistop · 10/10/2021 18:31

They sound awful. 9 months isn't even the whole time off you're entitled to, it's 52 weeks - did they not tell you that?

Original poster
Hurtburt · 10/10/2021 18:32

I was the first employee to have maternity so it was a shit show. We do have other parents but I’m the only one with a young baby, his dad would normally help but he’s away with work.

OP posts:
alwayswrighty · 10/10/2021 18:32

I think its time to get legal advice and start logging everything to be safe. I hate thinking like that but my husband has just been through something similar and it's made me cynical.

Original poster
Hurtburt · 10/10/2021 18:33

I mean 9 months with statutory maternity pay. They didn’t even pay me for my midwife appointments until I told they should!

OP posts:
jesscakess · 10/10/2021 18:35

If they want to verify your absence they can request a medical certificate/letter be completed by your GP to verify, based on medical records, that your child attended x hospital on y date. No details about your child's health are relevant, therefore non disclosable. They will have to pay your GP's private rate for this letter and most GP's do it in about 2 weeks, but might be longer now with Covid.

And your boss can't ask, or see it, only HR can ask you, you then request from the GP who will invoice your company and write the letter once invoice is paid.

Yes it's a big faff. I've had to do this as a manager (with HR) multiple times and only when there is a massive back story where no other form of evidence was available. I.e. very sick child with multiple parental absences but no appointment letters/prescription dated/diagnosis letter/DLA/other assessment of any kind that verifies the child has an ongoing medical condition that will require frequent absences. I usually start asking for evidence of ongoing child sickness once someone has been off for more than 2 weeks at a time or 5 instances in 12 months of dependency leave. Covid excluded.

skodadoda · 10/10/2021 18:50

@Hurtburt

I was signed off during my pregnancy but that couldn’t be helped. I haven’t had a lot of time off. I do think they’re a bit annoyed I took my full maternity leave. When my baby was about 6 weeks old they called to ask me when I will be back in as they are really busy. We already had a meeting to discuss my return date and they knew I would be taking the full 9 months
Employers are not supposed to ask when you are coming back.
RedMarauder · 10/10/2021 18:58

@LubaLuca

Take the photo and show the manager the injury. Ask them why they wanted to see it though, and make sure they don't fob you off with some non-answer. Push them into admitting it's because they didn't believe you.

Was it the manager that you spoke to when you first called?

If you are going to do this the photo should be sent by email and you should ensure you have a copy of the email you send.

This is so when they deny asking for it you have proof.

gardeninggirl68 · 10/10/2021 19:01

No, no photo

You would get Carers leave at our place. Normally unpaid

Is this not a legal entitlement?

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 19:03

@LubaLuca

Take the photo and show the manager the injury. Ask them why they wanted to see it though, and make sure they don't fob you off with some non-answer. Push them into admitting it's because they didn't believe you.

Was it the manager that you spoke to when you first called?

I'd do this. But I wouldn't sent it to him for privacy reasons.
3scape · 10/10/2021 19:04

On that note stay very calm. Submit nothing. When they ask again, say you need the request in writing as it is unusual.

jagoda · 10/10/2021 19:06

I would respond with

"To be clear - you want me to send you a photograph of my child? Are you serious?"

Hopefully that will make them realise what wankbadgers they are being.

Happyfeet1972 · 10/10/2021 19:08

There is no obligation for employees to provide proof of dependents' medical needs @jesscakess.

If an employee is having excessive time off then you can talk to them about this - the legal position is that time off needs to be 'reasonable'. If the business can't support the time off anymore that's the conversation to be having. Employers have no right to request medical records of 3rd parties.