Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Your thoughts on naming child after deceased relative

150 replies

PatButchersEarring23 · 09/10/2021 08:29

Firstly I can definitely understand why people do this. It's a nice tribute and can be a way to carry on family names through generations.

But my personal opinion is that a child is a new entity and deserves their own individual name. And it should be a name both parents like.

My dp has mentioned using his fathers name as a middle name for our baby due in February. But it's very much an old fashioned name and not one that is ever going to come back into popularity. I won't say the actual name but think along the lines of Colin, Barry, Gary, Trevor, Keith, Roger...that sort of thing. I just don't like the name, it doesn't go with any of the first names I like and don't think it would suit a baby.

Fwiw I've lost my dad too and I wouldn't use his name for the exact same reason.

Aibu to feel like this? I realise it's a sensitive subject and don't want to discount Dp's wishes but also don't want my child to end up with a name I don't like!

OP posts:
mumofmunchkin · 09/10/2021 08:43

The bigger issue, obviously!

sessell · 09/10/2021 08:43

My daughter is named after my grandmother. I'm named after an aunt. They are nice names and have been passed through the family. I like the rooted-ness of it. There's never any thought we should be remotely like our namesakes, we're not! As for middle names, you can have several and no-one pays any attention to them. If it's important to your DP then why not do it. It would be important to me. I understand where he's coming from.

confuseddotcom1234 · 09/10/2021 08:44

Both my sons have family middle names, either are names I would choose as names but have meaning so are important to us. Eldest is my DH grandfather who he never met and youngest is my great grandfather. I don't think middle names have to be names you love, the first name should be.

lynntheyresexpeople · 09/10/2021 08:44

It's a middle name. He won't ever go by it, barely anyone will even know it. If it's that important to him, does it really matter?

sbhydrogen · 09/10/2021 08:44

Our DDs are named after deceased members of the family (one has it as a middle name, the other as a first name).

If it's a middle name then that would be fine, surely? I think it would be lovely. Plus who doesn't love a Colin or Roger?

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 09/10/2021 08:46

My DSS did this with his dad's name to my DGS.. His name isn't likely to return, and it doesn't suit 2021. Also it's very weird holding such a tiny baby and calling it by my DHs name

Original poster
PatButchersEarring23 · 09/10/2021 08:47

I also think if we used FIL name and not my own dad my family might be a bit Hmm and so would I actually. It feels like it should be both or neither.

But then it gets silly. A child with a string of middle names that I don't even like.

There are some lovely stories of people using their relatives names but presumably you all actually liked the names to begin with?!

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 09/10/2021 08:48

Thank I wouldn’t mind as a middle name. I allowed my DH to give DC a middle name as a tribute to a deceased relative

DoraMaude · 09/10/2021 08:48

My late uncle was born in 1921. His name was Archie. That certainly came back into fashion!

HikingforScenery · 09/10/2021 08:50

@PatButchersEarring23

I also think if we used FIL name and not my own dad my family might be a bit Hmm and so would I actually. It feels like it should be both or neither.

But then it gets silly. A child with a string of middle names that I don't even like.

There are some lovely stories of people using their relatives names but presumably you all actually liked the names to begin with?!

I don’t like the name my DH used. I didn’t even consider the part about “liking” it, just the significance.
DeepaBeesKit · 09/10/2021 08:50

I think middle names are fine. My nephew has our grandfather's name as a middle name, it's was a very dated name when he was born but he couldnt care less and actually it's coming round into fashion again.

My kids have very unusual middle names, specific to something special to our family.

KingsleyShacklebolt · 09/10/2021 08:50

My kids all have family names as middle names. A mixture of surnames and given names. So for example things like John Alexander Simpson Wallace. The first name, the one they are known by is "new".

Giving your children names of relatives is nothing new and has been going on for centuries. Millennia, probably. Personally I think it's a lovely things to do, linking the child in to the wider family. If you don't like the first name then use the surname, or middle name or whatever.

Original poster
PatButchersEarring23 · 09/10/2021 08:50

There are lots of old names that I like...Archie, Stanley, Charlie, Bert, Bill. Even Reg is quite sweet.

But this name is not in the same league.

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 09/10/2021 08:50

I think you should both agree on your child's name.
I strongly approve of middle names being family names. It roots one and is interesting. It can be difficult because of family politics and this applied to us so we didn't . I regret it though.
Think of all the Someone-May or Somebody Rose and how lacking in thought that is and then the sentiment attached to Trevor, Terence, Peregrine or Kevin. A middle name is very rarely used in everyday life so being unfashionable is irrelevant.As a pp said, in 20 years time the old fashioned of now will be the fresh and appealing 'new' names in any case.

ThirdElephant · 09/10/2021 08:53

I agree with you, OP. Besides which, if you don't like the name it's a total non-starter regardless of who had it first.

Just veto it and move on.

IWantT0BreakFree · 09/10/2021 08:54

We are going to be using my grandad's name as a middle name for our son who is due before long. It's exactly the kind of name you describe. My grandad was more like my father really; he and my grandma were the stable, safe, nurturing influence in my life as a child (and into adulthood) that my parents failed to be. I don't care that his name isn't trendy or cool. I desperately want my child, who will sadly never know him, to have a connection with him. It may seem silly or unnecessary or whatever to some, but it brings me a lot of comfort. My DH doesn't love the name itself but he recognises that him not particularly liking a middle name isn't as significant as my very strong feelings about using it.

Is it very important to your DP to use the name? Is it honestly equally as important to you that your child has a trendy name?

peoniesandpastels · 09/10/2021 08:54

I think it can be a perfectly lovely way to honour someone, but you need to like the name. I would've loved to use my dad's name for my son, but it's so old fashioned (and not in the trendy revival way). He's getting a different family name, because my husband and I both agreed it was our favourite option.

RandomWordGenerator · 09/10/2021 08:55

Definitely not first names.

But I personally think that middle names should be family names, there’s no point to just having a random pretty name. They’re never used, they don’t even go on the majority of forms.

Named after dead people is better than naming after living people, who might turn out to have a hidden unsavoury side.

My DS has my late dad’s name as a second middle name (but it’s also a name massively associated with DH’s family and home town), but he also has a first middle name which was our runner up for first name choice. I realise now that the first middle name is completely pointless.

Shmithecat2 · 09/10/2021 08:55

YABVU. My ds has dh's grandad's name as a middle name. It's a lovely nod to a man my dh adored, and no one in my family has the hump about it. Hmm How childish would that be?

MrsToadflax · 09/10/2021 08:55

@yikesanotherbooboo

I think you should both agree on your child's name. I strongly approve of middle names being family names. It roots one and is interesting. It can be difficult because of family politics and this applied to us so we didn't . I regret it though. Think of all the Someone-May or Somebody Rose and how lacking in thought that is and then the sentiment attached to Trevor, Terence, Peregrine or Kevin. A middle name is very rarely used in everyday life so being unfashionable is irrelevant.As a pp said, in 20 years time the old fashioned of now will be the fresh and appealing 'new' names in any case.
My DD's middle name is Rose - it really annoys me when people say it's 'lacking in thought' and too common. It was my beloved grandma's name and means so much too me.
MindyStClaire · 09/10/2021 08:55

Is there no name that can be made up from syllables of both of your fathers' names or something? Or more modern versions?

MrsToadflax · 09/10/2021 08:56

*to

roarfeckingroarr · 09/10/2021 08:57

Is it Graham?

Strugglingtodomybest · 09/10/2021 09:01

DH chose his deceased uncle's name as a middle name for DS1. It's not a name I would ever have chosen myself, but it meant a lot to him.

It doesn't matter that I don't like it, it's not my name and it's not like DS1 ever gets called by it, so I am happy that DH got to honour his uncle's name.

I chose DS2's middle name, and I chose my grandad's name. I didn't particularly like that name either, but it's grown on me and remembering grandad was more important to me than whether or not I particularly liked the name.

noblegreenk · 09/10/2021 09:05

I wouldn't do it for a first name but I think it's nice for a middle name. My dd's middle name is a family name. My mum, grandmother and Great grandmother all had the same middle name as well. I thought it was nice to keep the tradition and we did like the name even though its old fashioned. We also couldn't think of any other middle names that we particularly liked. So decided that at least we'd be following a tradition if we used the family name.