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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Naked toddler in swimming pool showers

338 replies

Noodella18 · 08/10/2021 14:35

I take my 2 year old swimming on Fridays. After the session we take a shower in the communal showers, next to the lockers and by the entrance to the pool. I didn't think twice about stripping off her swimming costume to wash her but the lifeguard told me today that she wasn't allowed to be nude 'because it's a public area' and she had to keep it on. Am I being naive in thinking that a naked two year old is really no big deal?

Yanbu - no harm in a naked 2 year old
Yabu - keep the cossie on

OP posts:
ThirdElephant · 09/10/2021 12:22

[quote Lockdownbear]@somewhereoverthechipshop I don't so much think times have changed, I think normal people are just more aware.

Digital photos, and Internet make it very easy to share images but peados, have always been there. They were called other things, strange men, but people knew who not to trust.[/quote]
Of course they've always been there, but in the 70s, if one saw a naked kid at a pool or whatever, one saw a naked kid. Once. Now, if one sees a naked kid, they're fairly likely to be in possession of a device able to record or photograph them. If that happens, an untold number see the kid. As many times as they like. Forever.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 09/10/2021 12:23

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

I voted YABU not because of a naked toddler being 'wrong' but more that there can be a fine line between acceptable and not acceptable age wise so it can be more straightforward to have an absolute rule.
Agree with this. I don't think you were wrong, OP, but I can see that it's difficult to have a cut-off so easier to just say everyone has to have swimwear on at all times.

British people are such prudes though and I say that as a prude myself.

Pythonista · 09/10/2021 12:29

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

I do think we should preserve our children's autonomy where their bodies are concerned. Private parts have that name for a reason.

Take the man suing because his naked image was used on Nirvana's Nevermind album when he was a baby. He had no say it that. Same with your children. Would you be happy for someone else to decide that anyone who cares to gets to look at your genitals?

To be fair he did have a choice when he restaged it several times...
Ellarain · 09/10/2021 12:48

@Blossomtoes,its not about being ashamed of their body. Its about teaching them to have respect for their body and that its private. I'm not ashamed of my body but its also not on public display. Its also about protecting children from people who get a kick out of looking at young children's bodies.

HalzTangz · 09/10/2021 13:15

I agree with the lifeguard. For all they or you know there could be dirty perverts watching

moofolk · 09/10/2021 13:27

This reply has been deleted

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Pythonista · 09/10/2021 13:38

@moofolk

It's ridiculous.

And in response to a PP, I want to add that I am someone who loves seeing naked toddlers. Happy naked children are the best and it fills me with joy.

And no. That's not perverted. It's not sexual.

We need to stop confusing the two.

That is weird - why? I get it's not sexual but it isn't normal.
notacooldad · 09/10/2021 13:39

And in response to a PP, I want to add that I am someone who loves seeing naked toddlers. Happy naked children are the best and it fills me with joy.

And no. That's not perverted. It's not sexual

We need to stop confusing the two

You may be totally innocent and u have no reason to think otherwise but theres plenty if others out there that aren't.
The trouble is they dont come with a warning to tell them apart.
I'd rather not take my chances if I'm in charge of toddlers and keep them safe.

Pythonista · 09/10/2021 13:48

And surely most parents would find some random woman smiling at their naked toddler unpleasant

Pythonista · 09/10/2021 13:50

What is it about NAKED toddlers that makes you happy rather than just toddlers?

thebestnamesweregone · 09/10/2021 14:30

@Ellarain

The lifeguard was correct. Babies/toddlers young children should not be nude in public even if it is at a swimming pool shower.
Correct in my opinion, it's a sign of the times too, personally I'd give my child a once over their swim kit then they'd have their proper bath / shower in the peramaters and safety of home, Far too many weirdos and freaks around
YouTubeAddict · 09/10/2021 14:32

I don’t think it’s appropriate. I’m sure you’d be the first to complain if a picture of your naked child ended up on a porn site. Yes, the risk is small but why take it? This is your beloved child and also does she have a say as to whether she’s in the nude in front of strangers? Play it say and keep your child covered.

YouTubeAddict · 09/10/2021 14:33

*safe

Ellarain · 09/10/2021 16:19

@thebestnamesweregone, exactly, quick rinse and then proper wash at home.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 10/10/2021 00:57

@Pythonista did the man restaging the Nirvana cover album do it with his penis on display again or did he "choose" to keep his private parts private in the photoshoot? Not use of word "choose".

Do you see the difference?

Pythonista · 10/10/2021 01:09

Of course I can but the point being it has suited him to exploit his appearance on the album for years (because otherwise nobody would know who he was).

I didn't even know his private parts were on show on the album.

FlyingPandas · 10/10/2021 01:22

I think it’s entirely right that they have this policy - it’s about protecting the rights and privacy of the child. No parent should allow a toddler or baby to be naked in any public place and that includes a beach-they are so vulnerable as it is, why make them even more vulnerable?

Newmumatlast · 10/10/2021 01:25

Personally think you're being irresponsible having your child naked in a public area accessible by anyone. You don't know who they are. In a cubicle fine. Shared showers, why would you want to risk anyone inappropriate viewing your toddler? And yes on the beach too. Especially so as people can take photographs on the beach and you've no way of knowing who is and when. You have no control over any images. You'd have to be niave not to realise what people can be like and the risks they pose to children. Yes you shouldn't have to think that way but unfortunately to safeguard your child, you do

Lockdownbear · 10/10/2021 09:11

I can't even understand why people let toddlers be naked on the beach, surely it's easier to protect their skin with a sunsuit than sunscreen?

It's not just the photos that are taken and then passed around. The more photos and access these people get the more they want. The more likely they are too seek out children to physically abuse. It's all stepping stones.

rainbowmash · 10/10/2021 09:20

It's an area available to the public, just like a ladies' changing room in a shop. Would you have nude children there? Why is it ok just because everyone is a bit soggy?

For the record, I cringe when grown women walk around naked in the changing rooms. There are booths for showers and changing. There are so many reasons and opportunities NOT to be naked, yet here you are. Always struck me as a bit of a performance...

I think nude children at the beach is even worse - not because I'm overthinking about strangers having inappropriate ideas - but because I find it scruffy and horribly undignified.

Londonwriter · 10/10/2021 10:27

YANBU. Some people are writing as if the problem with naked toddlers is naked toddlers, not perverts sharing pictures on the internet.

Once you make a rule that everyone has to avoid doing anything that could lead to a weirdo taking and sharing sexualised pictures on the internet, then you’re also stopping women uncovered breastfeeding in cafes, stooping while wearing tight shorts, etc…

I, personally, wouldn’t have a toddler naked in the changing area of a swimming pool because I’d be horrifically embarrassed if they peed or pooed themselves. However, I think a pre-pubescent child naked in a swimming pool shower should be a… meh, whatever… situation.

Lockdownbear · 10/10/2021 10:46

I see a huge difference between naked toddlers and breastfeeding.
Most women who are breastfeeding are discreet, and ones baby is on there's nothing to see. If a woman wants to flaunt herself that is her choice. She will also be more able to handle sexually motivated advances.

Toddlers have no discretion, nor are they able to reject sexual advances they need protection.

Pythonista · 10/10/2021 10:46

@Londonwriter

YANBU. Some people are writing as if the problem with naked toddlers is naked toddlers, not perverts sharing pictures on the internet.

Once you make a rule that everyone has to avoid doing anything that could lead to a weirdo taking and sharing sexualised pictures on the internet, then you’re also stopping women uncovered breastfeeding in cafes, stooping while wearing tight shorts, etc…

I, personally, wouldn’t have a toddler naked in the changing area of a swimming pool because I’d be horrifically embarrassed if they peed or pooed themselves. However, I think a pre-pubescent child naked in a swimming pool shower should be a… meh, whatever… situation.

As a parent it's your job to protect your kid, you can't compare breastfeeding or bending over AS AN ADULT with leaving your child open to being photographed or leered at.
Londonwriter · 10/10/2021 12:34

@Pythonista, @Lockdownbear I genuinely don’t understand the ‘threat model’ here.

If I go to the swimming pool with a toddler, I stay with them 100% of the time. There are a tonne of potential hazards, all of which are much more common and obvious than a pervert. These include drowning, getting lost, and slipping on wet surfaces.

As a result, the only thing a pervert can do is a) take a photo from a distance to share on websites, and b) masturbate discretely while looking at naked body parts. Both of these things, a pervert can also do if you’re a breastfeeding mum in a cafe. In both cases, the revealed sexual parts aren’t being flaunted sexually - but there’s the potential for a pervert to discretely take and share photos.

I just don’t understand why a pervert would try to kidnap a temporarily naked toddler accompanied 100% of the time by a parent in a public swimming pool. Why not kidnap an unaccompanied or lost toddler? Or a toddler who is already neglected/at risk of abuse?

rrhuth · 10/10/2021 12:38

There are a tonne of potential hazards, all of which are much more common and obvious than a pervert. These include drowning, getting lost, and slipping on wet surfaces.

I think your statistics are wrong, I think it would more likely that a child were being observed by someone undesirable than that they would have a serious near-drowning incident.

The number of drowning deaths and near misses must be smaller than the number of sexual assaults on minors?

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