Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Never get another animal’ - AIBU?

130 replies

Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 14:25

I see this on here all the time.

Fair enough if it is ‘we got a puppy last year but we both work full time and the kids aren’t interested and walking him at weekends gets in the way of all the non dog friendly activities we like to do …’

But AIBU to think this just gets trotted out completely meaninglessly? I’ve twice been in the horrible position where I’ve had to rehome a much loved pet and I did so very responsibly but in any event, one instance was in 2004 and the other in 2012. In both cases I am light years from the person I was then!

AIBU to think it’s a daft thing to say?

OP posts:
YerWanIsGettinNotions · 08/10/2021 14:30

Yes I agree. Sometimes circumstances change and as long as you do your best by your animals, it shouldn't preclude you from pet ownership if circumstances were to change in the future (eg having to rehome through long term illness and then recovering).

I was in a living situation that was difficult and uncomfortable for my pets and us living with them. They were toileting in inappropriate places and shedding hair everywhere. I tried to rehome them and failed, I wouldn't let them go into rescue kennels as they've only ever been in-home pets so I kept them with me. Circumstances changed, we moved, the pressure eased massively overnight and the cats are much happier and so are we. And now the only inappropriate peeing comes from my son!

icedcoffees · 08/10/2021 14:32

I agree.

Not all pets suit all situations, and I would argue that it's FAR more responsible to re-home a pet that's not suitable for you than it is to persevere and keep it just so you can say you "never gave up".

PineappleTart · 08/10/2021 14:32

There's a difference in getting a puppy during lockdown then realising it needs care when you return to the office and having a change in circumstances/ finances that mean you need to rehome

SameToo · 08/10/2021 14:45

I dunno. I think the majority of people really don’t think about how much owing a pet can impact your life style or the costs associated with them. A lot of people shouldn’t own pets.

Kk789 · 08/10/2021 14:47

If you've had to rehome pets twice, I personally think you should stop getting pets, yes. You have been unable to commit to the lifetime of a pet twice already. You don't need a pet, just stay without.

Unless I've misunderstood the question here?

PinkFootstool · 08/10/2021 14:51

My neighbour got puppy to fix their horrific marriage. It didn't work, fortunately for the dog she was rehomed at about 7mths old. It was never walked, the house was covered in piss, they didn't train her, and she was such a lovely girl.

They absolutely should not ever get a another dog.

I'm considering leaving my DH. We have 2 dogs. I'm probably mostly staying for them as I can't rent anywhere with them. I'm not prepared to rehome them. If, however, things worsen, I might have no choice and I'd never get another dog - what if I had to make that decision again? How dreadful for all involved including the dogs.

SoupDragon · 08/10/2021 14:51

I think it is often true as the person hasn't thought through the full reality of having a pet.

bloodywhitecat · 08/10/2021 14:51

I rehomed my much loved cats because my very young daughter was so allergic to them she was spending a lot of time in hospital and needing an awful lot of oral steroids to manage her asthma. It was a very upsetting time as I had had the cats before DD was born but I had absolutely no choice. 25 years on I now own a dog who I love to bits.

Rehoming a pet does not automatically make you an unfit pet owner.

picklemewalnuts · 08/10/2021 14:51

It depends- many people get a pet despite their circumstances not being very stable.
In a rented home for example you are much more likely to have issues if you need to move.
Some situations arise out of the blue and can't be imagined or predicted. Not many.

Original poster
Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 14:53

This is exactly what I mean. It is absolutely crazy to claim I should never get another animal when my cat (sadly died in 2020) lived for thirteen very happy years with me.

In 2004, I was 23 and had been renting a flat with my cat for a year. I bought a house but then the flat was sold before the sale went through, so I had six weeks where I was technically homeless. I had to sofa surf and spend time in cheap hotels and rent rooms. I couldn’t take my cat. Maybe now with social media I would have been able to get someone to have had her but then it wasn’t a thing.

Then in 2012 I had a horrible accident when out hiking and I couldn’t exercise or care for my dog.

So - seriously, I should never have a dog or cat again?

This is what I mean about people trotting it out as a line without actually thinking that the 41 year old I am is light years from the 23 year old I was then and even the 32 year old.

OP posts:
FlowerArranger · 08/10/2021 14:55

There is a difference between rehousing 2 pets over a long lifetime, and doing so twice within just 8 years.

I know shit can and does happen, but you need to consider carefully whether your circumstances and lifestyle choices are stable enough for this not to happen again. I know there are no guarantees in life, but please do think ahead.

Perhaps consider an older pet - the ones that are not easily adoptable. A 10 year old lab or a 14 year old cat, say. (Assuming you have the funds to pay for potentially high veterinary costs, particularly with dogs!!) Or join a foster programme.

Imatwinmum · 08/10/2021 14:55

Is there anyone you know who is actually saying this to you? I don’t think anyone in real life would judge, given the circumstances you’ve describe!

Kk789 · 08/10/2021 14:56

@Gettingpets

This is exactly what I mean. It is absolutely crazy to claim I should never get another animal when my cat (sadly died in 2020) lived for thirteen very happy years with me.

In 2004, I was 23 and had been renting a flat with my cat for a year. I bought a house but then the flat was sold before the sale went through, so I had six weeks where I was technically homeless. I had to sofa surf and spend time in cheap hotels and rent rooms. I couldn’t take my cat. Maybe now with social media I would have been able to get someone to have had her but then it wasn’t a thing.

Then in 2012 I had a horrible accident when out hiking and I couldn’t exercise or care for my dog.

So - seriously, I should never have a dog or cat again?

This is what I mean about people trotting it out as a line without actually thinking that the 41 year old I am is light years from the 23 year old I was then and even the 32 year old.

People aren't trotting it out as a line to your circumstances though - they are responding to threads where people are saying they've got a pet in lockdown, didn't think it through, didn't train it, then got pregnant/got a new job/cba to walk their dog.

But personally for me, as a general rule, if you keep having to rehome pets and you're quite unlucky with your circumstances, probably best to stop getting them. Doesn't apply to everyone, but maybe to a lot!

Feelslikealot · 08/10/2021 14:57

Totally agree, especially when people are told they should only consider rescuing animals. Sometimes someone might rescue an animal, and it turns out to be a bad match despite the person going above and beyond to try and solve the problem. Or circumstances can change. Rehoming an animal doesn't make someone the devil but you wouldn't think so reading the threads on here.

Original poster
Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 14:58

I don’t think they are - I see loads of ‘should I rehome my cat’ and people just trot it out as a stock line.

Of course sometimes it is justified but other times it just isn’t. And there is a world of difference between a cat and a dog, say (I was able to keep my cat but not my dog, for instance) and a cat and a hamster!

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 08/10/2021 14:58

Then in 2012 I had a horrible accident when out hiking and I couldn’t exercise or care for my dog
For how long? That alone would certainly not see me getting rid of my dog. I would pay for a dog walker, and whatever I could do for myself I'd do for my dog, so not sure.

Original poster
Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 15:02

@vivainsomnia

Then in 2012 I had a horrible accident when out hiking and I couldn’t exercise or care for my dog For how long? That alone would certainly not see me getting rid of my dog. I would pay for a dog walker, and whatever I could do for myself I'd do for my dog, so not sure.
In the circumstances I’m confident it was the right thing. She was bored, restless, started to lose recall and show signs of stress.

It wasn’t as simple as a dog walker. This was a dog used to coming out and about and joining in daily life with me or my dad. Then my dad died and I was injured.

Life changes, sometimes suddenly and dramatically. Of course you may well have made a different choice but I do feel my choice was the best in the circumstances.

OP posts:
Derbee · 08/10/2021 15:03

I think both of your reasons for rehoming your pets make you unsuitable to have a pet. The correct thing is to have a pet and commit to caring for it for life, not rehome when it doesn’t suit you anymore.

So I’d say YABU, and you’re trying to justify why you’ve given up on your pets. You’re also taking the “never have another pet” personally because you feel that people are making a judgment on you. Which they probably are.

Original poster
Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 15:06

It’s only on here which I’ve never mentioned before.

So you really think I should have never had my cat, who lived with me happily for thirteen years, or get another cat, because in 2004 I was homeless?

See that’s just bonkers to me.

OP posts:
Worldwide2 · 08/10/2021 15:08

Personally if I had to re home 2 pets at different stages of my life I would feel too guilty to get a 3rd because clearly anything can happen and I wouldn't want to have to rehome another pet.

Worldwide2 · 08/10/2021 15:10

Just to add I'm talking about the emotional turmoil of having to give away a beloveds pet, I'd be heartbroken. I wouldn't risk going through it again a 3rd time. Plus not to mention the stress and upheaval for the animal.

Original poster
Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 15:15

@Worldwide2

Personally if I had to re home 2 pets at different stages of my life I would feel too guilty to get a 3rd because clearly anything can happen and I wouldn't want to have to rehome another pet.
I don’t feel guilty because I did the best I could in the situation I could. I would feel far guiltier knowing cats were in pens when I could offer a loving home to them.
OP posts:
1forAll74 · 08/10/2021 15:17

Basically a bit cruel and thoughtless to get a puppy or any dog, if the family all work or go out all the time. Dogs are great pets, but like attention and company, and exercise. Cats are not usually a problem, except for those who are really neglected.

freelions · 08/10/2021 15:17

In both scenarios you have taken on a pet in circumstances where you have no 'back up' for situations where you are incapacitated, once is perhaps unlucky but I would say twice is poor judgement

I would love a dog but do not have one for a number or reasons, one being that I would struggle to find someone to look after a dog for me at short notice if I had an emergency to deal with

I agree that it is better to rehome an animal if you are no longer in a situation to care for it but I would say that having this happen to you more than once in a lifetime is careless at best

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 08/10/2021 15:18

It's a bit like the "leave your relationship" people on here. Who seem to think that a woman with kids, a house, person and a life with her partner of however long can juts leave at any argument.

Obviously if it's something serious or abusive she needs to. But it's the -
"DP told me the piss off. This is the first time hes said that in twenty years what should I do?"
"I wouldn't ever let a man speak to me like that you need to leave him, theres no excuse, he doesnt respect you." people that think theres no middle bit between something being wrong in a relations and needing looking at, and the OP needing to divorce.