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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Never get another animal’ - AIBU?

130 replies

Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 14:25

I see this on here all the time.

Fair enough if it is ‘we got a puppy last year but we both work full time and the kids aren’t interested and walking him at weekends gets in the way of all the non dog friendly activities we like to do …’

But AIBU to think this just gets trotted out completely meaninglessly? I’ve twice been in the horrible position where I’ve had to rehome a much loved pet and I did so very responsibly but in any event, one instance was in 2004 and the other in 2012. In both cases I am light years from the person I was then!

AIBU to think it’s a daft thing to say?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 15:20

I think I did have back up when I had my dog. I didn’t predict my dad dying: only in his 60s and a very sudden and unexpected death.

With the cat fair enough but I would still say to hold me to a sentence of never having another animal because of this would be crazy.

OP posts:
LifesNotEnidBlyton · 08/10/2021 15:21

Excuse typos

ISpyCobraKai · 08/10/2021 15:24

I almost had to rehome my 4 cats when I broke my back.
I managed not to but it wasn't easy.

ISpyCobraKai · 08/10/2021 15:26

Sorry, I meant that it wouldn't make me a bad person if I had, nor would I judge anyone else who did.

vivainsomnia · 08/10/2021 15:26

Life changes, sometimes suddenly and dramatically. Of course you may well have made a different choice but I do feel my choice was the best in the circumstances
I could understand a permanent life change, not a temporary one, not in terms of months.

NoSquirrels · 08/10/2021 15:27

Sometimes it’s justified. Sometimes it’s not.

There are some people who feel very very strongly that no pet should ever be rehomed.

Most people feel what’s in the pet’s best interest is the right course - but feel frustrated that sometimes people haven’t made adequate provision to prevent needing to rehome.

Don’t take it personally.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/10/2021 15:28

Sometimes removing is the more responsible thing to do.
For example... one of my friends had a dog who became extremely stressed and unhappy after she had a baby. After long discussions with vet and behaviorist the decision was made for the dog to go to her brother. Dog now a lit happier. Her other dog was happy with the baby. She's still a good dog owner.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 08/10/2021 15:29

To clarify I was trying to show that some people on here do seem to tell people things they "must" and "mustn't" do without actually thinking peoples lives don't go like that. Obviously not all posters, but some dont want to help, they just want to be dramatic.

Original poster
Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 15:30

I’m not taking it personally. I just think it’s daft that I should ‘never get another animal’ because of something that happened nearly a decade ago.

OP posts:
blobby10 · 08/10/2021 15:33

Surely it depends on the reason for saying those words? I've had two dogs and two cats, one of which is still with me, as well as several rabbits, guinea pigs and hamsters when the children were young. Would never have a caged animal again after becoming much more informed and aware of their needs. After current cat dies, I won't get any more dogs or cats because 1. I hate being the only one who can make the decision about when is the right time to PTS (i'm single) and 2. I feel frustrated at the restrictions they place on me and need some pet free years! When we first had the dogs and cats it was in a happily married home but the children have now left home and marriage broken up and the cat is living longer than I expected (currently heading for 15 but getting frailer every day although still purring loudly whenever she's on my lap!)

nordica · 08/10/2021 15:34

I'm on the fence about this because yes, sometimes things can happen unexpectedly, but there is also usually an alternative solution. For example the period of time you were between properties - catteries are always an option. 6 weeks is a short time compared to how long many cats and dogs spend in rescue centres waiting for a new home when they have been given up.

There is a reason reputable breeders and rescue centres all ask prospective pet owners to think carefully about the long commitment and also may suggest an older rescue pet for someone who may be able to commit for a few years but not 20.

LeaveYourHatOn · 08/10/2021 15:34

Actually I think in your case OP it's exactly the right advice.

Neither of your circumstances was permanent! That's just completely normal stuff that happens in life and yes, you have to factor that things might change when you get a pet and how will you deal with it. If the answer is "rehome" twice then yeah "never get another animal" seems entirely appropriate advice imo.

NoSquirrels · 08/10/2021 15:36

@Gettingpets

I’m not taking it personally. I just think it’s daft that I should ‘never get another animal’ because of something that happened nearly a decade ago.
That IS you taking it personally, though?
Original poster
Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 15:38

Not really. It’s not exactly normal to be homeless!

Now I would go for a cattery. Then, I had no money. I’d just bought a house and was stony broke.

No it isn’t @NoSquirrels because no one was talking to me Confused

OP posts:
tickledtiger · 08/10/2021 15:38

I think the advice sometimes applies so it’s not always daft to say it. I knew someone growing up who had a string of impulsively bought pets which must have had quite shitty lives, I wish someone had made him stop. I only realise how bad it was now I’m an adult.

You are entitled to disagree with random strangers. I don’t think you need to justify yourself op.

PrincessPaws · 08/10/2021 15:39

I think it very much depends on circumstances.

Unfortunately I know several people that have rehomed a parade of cats and dogs because they get one, get bored after a couple of years, give it away, 6 months later they get a new one and the cycle continues.

Or those that give away pets because a cuter version comes along. Our cats were 2 when we got them from rescue, they were given up because the family got new kittens and didn't want 4 cats. Disgusting

People like that should absolutely not be allowed any more pets because they see them as disposable play things

Derbee · 08/10/2021 15:41

For goodness sake, your own justifications are actually ridiculous. You weren’t “homeless”. Homeless means you have nowhere to live. You had a six week period whilst waiting for your house sale to go through. In the grand scheme of things, a 6 week stay in a cattery would have been better than dumping an old cat who you’d had for years.

Don’t get another pet, you clearly don’t take the responsibility seriously. And you clearly take it personally that people feel that owners like you are not responsible openers and shouldn’t actually have pets

romdowa · 08/10/2021 15:41

It depends why you got rid of them. We had to rehome our two much loved cats as we had both lost our jobs due to the pandemic. I was pregnant and we had to move country and couldn't take the cats. Circumstances went against us, doesn't mean once we are settled that we shouldn't be allowed to have pets.

Original poster
Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 15:42

Definitely it sometimes applies. I think the problem is when someone says (say) they want a cat but rehomed one 17 years ago due to DDs allergies but DD has moved out now and her allergies aren’t as severe now. OK an extreme example but there can sometimes be a very definite attitude that rehoming in any circumstances is a bad thing and it isn’t. It’s best avoided if possible but sometimes it just isn’t.

OP posts:
Derbee · 08/10/2021 15:43

@romdowa and if/when you move country again?

Original poster
Gettingpets · 08/10/2021 15:43

I didn’t have anywhere to live @Derbee

I’d bought a house but couldn’t live in it. Six weeks is a very long time when you’ve nowhere to go.

I’d be interested to know what I should have done with my cat then? I couldn’t afford a cattery.

OP posts:
Derbee · 08/10/2021 15:43

@Gettingpets

Definitely it sometimes applies. I think the problem is when someone says (say) they want a cat but rehomed one 17 years ago due to DDs allergies but DD has moved out now and her allergies aren’t as severe now. OK an extreme example but there can sometimes be a very definite attitude that rehoming in any circumstances is a bad thing and it isn’t. It’s best avoided if possible but sometimes it just isn’t.
Yep. Too bad so sad. Just get another one
Derbee · 08/10/2021 15:45

You could afford to buy a flat, pay legal fees etc, presumably afford furniture, or paid for storage for furniture? But god forbid having to take the cat into consideration

Feelslikealot · 08/10/2021 15:46

Life changes, sometimes suddenly and dramatically. Of course you may well have made a different choice but I do feel my choice was the best in the circumstances.

You did what you felt was right for the dog at the time. Which is far better than giving an animal a substandard level of care for months or years because you can't bear to re-home it.

Likewise say you have a German shepherd or other energetic large breed with an iffy temperament who gets stressed around children then you get pregnant unexpectedly. I've actually seen this scenario on Mumsnet. The op was told by many many people that she should never "give up" on the dog because it was there first, and she must always keep the dog and child separated, and if she rehomed the dog it would make her a terrible person and she should never get another pet. I mean... How would it even be possible to keep a dog and a child apart every minute of the day without that translating in real terms to shutting the dog in another room alone.

I think it makes the person a far more terrible owner to keep a large breed energetic dog in a state of perpetual stress where there is a constant bite risk, than it would to re-home it to a quiet, adult only household. It doesn't mean that family couldn't get a small, laid back family dog when the child is older. It means the dog they had was not compatible with a baby and it wasn't fair to force a dog to live with permanent stress.

RickJames · 08/10/2021 15:46

I once gave a dog to my mum when my relationship broke down and I no longer had a garden. It did my mum the world of good, dog never looked back as she knew mum well anyway and I never had a moments regret.

I admit that as a 20 something I maybe didn't plan for all the possibilities (not married, not home owner) when I got my dog but I had the best of intentions and she had a great life with both me and mum. Mum got a lovely well-trained, healthy girl that loved her to death and protected her house/ safety. Also got her out of the house and got her meeting new people when she was a bit low after retiring.

But folks that get a cute puppy and then ditch it because they can't cope DO piss me off. I think there's a mindset that respects animals and sometimes things go wrong and a mindset that animals are accessories and can be picked up and dropped. When I see people who are clearly the second type then I think "yeah, please never get another pet, you don't deserve them". I particularly despise people who mistreat little things like rabbits and guinea pigs, thinking you can just keep them alone in a piss filled cage. Animals need to be played with, loved and nurtured. If they aren't front and centre in your life then you really shouldn't have them.