‘Never get another animal’ - AIBU?

[Gettingpets]

I see this on here all the time.

Fair enough if it is ‘we got a puppy last year but we both work full time and the kids aren’t interested and walking him at weekends gets in the way of all the non dog friendly activities we like to do …’

But AIBU to think this just gets trotted out completely meaninglessly? I’ve twice been in the horrible position where I’ve had to rehome a much loved pet and I did so very responsibly but in any event, one instance was in 2004 and the other in 2012. In both cases I am light years from the person I was then!

AIBU to think it’s a daft thing to say?

TBH it definitely does sound as if the OP views her animals as disposable given how quick she is to get rid of them.

@AlternativePerspective

Parrots are fascinating! I used to have a student (in her 50's) that had several parrots, including Macaws. She told me that they can live to 60 years old and you really have to think about getting one because of this. She has a couple of rescues and she can't take anymore because she knows she will die before some of them and they are so sensitive in the home environment that rehoming is a big strain on them. Although I imagine rehoming to a flock was probably quite nice for your bird. Lots of new friends.

She bought them those noisy children's electronic toys like V-tech and leapfrog. They'd play with them for a while and then just take them apart and destroy them. They roamed her house causing chaos but she loved them. Her husband was a Hells Angel. Fascinating woman, she was a chemist, no children, she was a great student!

To the posters who are saying to @ RickJames that she was in the wrong for letting her dog go to her mum,

I think you're talking to me, and i didn't say she was in the wrong. I said that what she did in rehoming her dog is exactly the same as what she is judging other people for in the same post. And I'm sure she's got her reasons but then she then completely fails to appreciate that other people have their reasons too. Her reasons aren't more valid because she got an old dog instead of a puppy. I don't care if she rehomed it. But she can't then turn round and judge someone for doing the same as she did. She even said she could have kept her dog but chose not to.

Assistance dogs should be rehomed by the organisation if they can't stay in their home. But yeah i think if you have room and the ability to keep an ex assistance dog, you owe it that much after you've had it's best years working for you. If you can't, you can't.

@ RickJames oh they are. Mine pretty much had the run of the house. He used to fly off of his cage on to my shoulder, used to call the cats and on one memorable occasion my DP and DS were trying to get him to go back into his cage and when they said “go back into your cage,” and he said, “why?”

A flock of other parrots is as close to a natural environment as he can get. Parrots are flock birds, and this place never rehomes them, they will be there now for life.

If I couldn’t have taken him there I would have tried to find a way to keep him, but it really was in his best interests to go and live there.

I still miss him.

@XelaM

Why couldn't you give the cat to your dad for 6 weeks?

My dad was in a relationship with another woman in 2004. I had very minimal contact with him between 1998 and 2008 and he didn’t live locally

I dont know. I know a couple of people who are fundamentally too selfish for pet ownership yet have repeatedly got animals and had to rehome. I can't see how they will ever change, they continually underestimate the sacrifices required.

@Feelslikealot

Yes, like I said, I could have buggered on with her in a flat but when there's someone who loves her in a country house who wants her, why not pass her on? It was about her welfare too. Sometimes rehoming can genuinely be about something being a better fit for the animal. Honestly, how can you piss all over a successful rehoming? I didn't try to flog her on gumtree ffs. She was absolutely beautiful, really a rar-ish status breed, but that was exactly what I didn't want. I just wanted her to be loved and my mum wanted her. My vet even said to me he wanted her and that was when she was presumed to be with me forever. I wanted the best for her and when I couldn't provide that, my mum stepped in happily.

How do you feel about in-family fostering? Would you berate a troubled mother in such a way?

It definitely deoends on the circumstances of giving the animal up.

You might not like hearing it OP but it does sound like you didn't try particularly hard to find a solution with your cat and that you gave it up a bit too easily.

If that’s what you think, then it is what you think. I can’t personally think of anyone else that was possible or practical given I didn’t have the available finances for a cattery.

Depends entirely on the circumstances. if someone cannot meet the needs of a pet they shouldn't have one.
But circumstances change all the time so if someone got back on their feet why wouldn't they get another pet? It doesn't matter what randoms on the internet say anyway.

If I had had to rehome two pets I wouldn’t be getting more.

I adopted two 14 year old black cats and the centre were absolutely thrilled because their chances of adoption were quite poor. My second pair of twelve year olds were also hard to place until we chose them.

Both sets of previous owners were going into homes themselves. THEY had no choice.

In fact, I volunteered in a cat shelter, and we would have supported an owner to keep their cat in your circumstances.

The thing is animal re homing centres are fit to burst because inevitably people's circumstances change.
Some pets are often re homed more than once, and although the rehoming centres do their best the environment is incredibly stressful, leaving the animals insecure.
Animals do really need a forever home, sadly some are passed from pillar to post, because circumstances change.

@CheshireChat

There's definitely a contingent on MN who believe that people should have pets only in ideal situations.

I've had to give away a young cat as he was utterly miserable and aggressive due to being in a house with another pet (his litter mate!) and my then baby son.

My mum also had to give away a cat due to relocating abroad and the vet said that the cat wouldn't survive the journey. It was the vet who took her in!

What’s ‘ideal’ depends on people as well. I think having pets in rented accommodation (unless a secure tenancy) is irresponsible. Having pets before kids? It depends, if you know you’ll be having kids in the near future get a kid friendly pet or wait, otherwise just get a pet as you can’t wait forever.

You did what you thought was best in those circumstances.
I would have done different, but as long as you can stand by those decisions without faltering, then more power to you.

As said upthread, in respect of the cat I wouldn’t have bought a house that didn’t suit mine and the cats needs. The 6 week delay would have been a dealbreaker and I’d have pulled out rather than rehome my cat.

The dog is trickier, but I’m surprised you couldn’t find a keen dog walker / local student to help you out for a few weeks! If you have such a lack of contingency you shouldn’t have pets.

Sure, you’d have done that. I didn’t. Maybe some people think that makes me cold and heartless but I think it was eminently more sensible than continuing to rent.

I still don’t think a decision I took some seventeen years ago makes me unsuitable as a pet owner now. I think it’s silly to claim that it does. In fact, it makes me even keener to adopt an animal because I know rescue centres are under pressure.

The issue is that lots of the pets in rehoming centres are older pets, those who have an illness which is expensive to treat or whose lack of appropriate training had made them problematic in some way. Though now we are into the post-lockdown situation when too many idiots have got a puppy without any thoughts if training/what they are going to do when/if they had to go back to work, there are a lot of younger animals too.

There are some genuinely unavoidable situations, of course- such as having a pet and then having a child who is severely allergic (there is simply no way of knowing in advance), or a fit and healthy person becoming permanently incapacitated (a friend of mine’s very fit father had a massive stroke in his early 60’s and ended up in 24 hour care, for example). Truthfully, though, many, many situations are actually all down lack of proper consideration as to whether a pet is genuinely compatible with your lifestyle and personal circumstances. Or whether you can afford them- pets can be expensive so you need to consider that. Or, in some cases, because rehoming is easier than making an alternative arrangements for the short-to-medium term. Most people will paint these situations as “unpredictable” or “unavoidable”. They aren’t- well, the immediate situation might not be avoidable or directly predictable- but the fact that the owner had got the pet without proper consideration/preparation/finances etc did place them at risk of this outcome.

If you have an unstable lifestyle/have had to rehome several pets already, then I personally think that you need to make very careful consideration as to whether you are likely to have another sudden change in circumstances, and do you have appropriate back up funds that make get you through a short-term issue.

Really don't get why the op is getting a hard time but RickJames isn't... They've both done the exact same thing. Both rehomed an animal that they could have kept. Im not judging your reasons for rehoming, or the way you went about it. It's none of my business. I don't care particularly. In fact, i totally agree with this:

Sometimes rehoming can genuinely be about something being a better fit for the animal. I actually said exactly that up thread.

It sounds like the dog ended up in a great home so i have no idea why you think I'm pissing all over it. What I'm objecting to is that you then go on to judge people that rehome their pets when you did the exact same thing. So don't then sit in judgement of other people who do what you did.

*I admit that as a 20 something I maybe didn't plan for all the possibilities (not married, not home owner) when I got my dog but I had the best of intentions...

But folks that get a cute puppy and then ditch it because they can't cope DO piss me off. *

Anyone looking at you could have said the exact same. Would you like it if someone said you ditched your dog because you didn't think it through and couldn't cope? How do you know those people who got a puppy didn't also get it with the best of intentions?

I would have thought your experience would have shown you that actually rehoming a dog can be a good thing. And that judging other people for doing exactly what you did is wrong. THATS my point, not how you went about doing it. You're not more noble or better than anyone else because you feel you had better reasons than the next person. The end result is still a rehomed dog. AND THAT'S FINE!!!

And I've never got rid of a pet, but if someone else did, i wouldn't judge them for it. Id assume if they are treating the animal like a throwaway object then the animal is better off out of it anyway. In any event, it's none of my business. I don't have the right to judge them. It's you judging other people for doing what you have done yourself i have a problem with. That's it.

Buying parrots that have been bred to live in a cage and "fly" around your house for 60 years is despicably cruel. I hope it is illegal to keep birds, especially large birds, as domestic pets one day.

It would break my heart to rehome my dog and I would exhaust every avenue before doing so.

The guilt at knowing an animal who loved me unconditionally would then be upset at why they were suddenly taken from their home and owner would actually stop me from getting another pet.

It is clear though that other people including the OP don't feel the same.

Really don't get why the op is getting a hard time

Because she’s dumped two pets for inexcusable reasons, and has started a thread looking for validation that she’s special, and her reasons for abandoning animals don’t mean that she shouldn’t be trusted with pets again.

@IWantT0BreakFree totally agree. I didn’t even want to get started on the moral aspect of owing an African grey

I find it really interesting that if my circumstances change and my cat goes to live with my mother, that’s regarded as rehoming and awful and I should never get another cat because I didn’t treat it as the equivalent of adopting out my human child.

If my children (entirely predictably when I got the pony) outgrow their pony after a few years, it’s completely normal for me to sell that pony to another family for money. If it’s a nice quiet pony quite possibly a lot of money. No one would call it “rehoming” and no one would say I shouldn’t get my children a bigger pony.

I don’t get it. I’ve never quite understood which animals I’m supposed to be sentimental about and why it’s ok to eat a regular farm pig, but if I kept the pig as a pet and rehomed it I’d be awful. Do people think animals understand the idea of a human making a commitment to them?

You were not homeless if you were waiting to move into the house that you’d bought! That is crap, whatever you tell yourself
And as for rehoming your dog in the circumstances you describe - that’s exactly why you shouldn’t get another animal: you appear to have absolutely no idea what commitment means.

Oh it didn’t feel good @BiteyShark but it felt far worse to realise how unhappy my dog was. I couldn’t walk her or train her. I had a dog walker come during the day but that was one hour and she was used to pretty much 24/7 company.

Life changes. My life has changed again now and while I don’t think I’d get another dog I’ll certainly never not have cats.