‘Never get another animal’ - AIBU?

[Gettingpets]

I see this on here all the time.

Fair enough if it is ‘we got a puppy last year but we both work full time and the kids aren’t interested and walking him at weekends gets in the way of all the non dog friendly activities we like to do …’

But AIBU to think this just gets trotted out completely meaninglessly? I’ve twice been in the horrible position where I’ve had to rehome a much loved pet and I did so very responsibly but in any event, one instance was in 2004 and the other in 2012. In both cases I am light years from the person I was then!

AIBU to think it’s a daft thing to say?

@LeaveYourHatOn

Actually I think in your case OP it's exactly the right advice.

Neither of your circumstances was permanent! That's just completely normal stuff that happens in life and yes, you have to factor that things might change when you get a pet and how will you deal with it. If the answer is "rehome" twice then yeah "never get another animal" seems entirely appropriate advice imo.

I tend to agree, TBH. Both circumstances, though unfortunate, were temporary. Why didn't you find kennels/a chattery while you were incapacitated/sofa surfing?

The guilt at knowing an animal who loved me unconditionally would then be upset at why they were suddenly taken from their home

Hmm, I’d say it took my dog about 10 minutes to decide that the unfamiliar emergency dog sitter was her Best Friend Ever.

Couple of sausages, and her heartache was completely assuaged.

This might be a bit controversial to say but I think it’s always a choice… for example the accident you had that led to you not being able to care for your dog- I don’t know a great deal obviously apart from the info in your post but a few things I’d have done instead of rehoming- a paid dog Walker, family/friends, a temporary foster family through a charity for example. The rehoming for me is absolute last last resort. I think the key is having enough stability that you can find a way through emergencies- eg using savings to pay for temporary care or unseen circumstance. I think if you’ve rehomed twice in 8 years, IMO it’s too much and you aren’t stable enough for a pet. Its expensive to be ‘stable at all costs’ but to be that’s part of the commitment when I take on a pet. Xo

@621CustardCream438

I find it really interesting that if my circumstances change and my cat goes to live with my mother, that’s regarded as rehoming and awful and I should never get another cat because I didn’t treat it as the equivalent of adopting out my human child.

If my children (entirely predictably when I got the pony) outgrow their pony after a few years, it’s completely normal for me to sell that pony to another family for money. If it’s a nice quiet pony quite possibly a lot of money. No one would call it “rehoming” and no one would say I shouldn’t get my children a bigger pony.

I don’t get it. I’ve never quite understood which animals I’m supposed to be sentimental about and why it’s ok to eat a regular farm pig, but if I kept the pig as a pet and rehomed it I’d be awful. Do people think animals understand the idea of a human making a commitment to them?

All horses and ponies have stayed in the family until they have passed on because they are family members to us. We are not competition riders as a group though and mostly waited until late teens/early adulthood to buy our own.

There seem to be two camps in the horse world about this. I'm not saying you are wrong, just the selling on bit wasn't for our family, even the ones with children. Sadly I lost my horse in an accident and the trauma put me off having another horse of my own.

It took me a long time to recover enough to have DDog who was already a multiple house rehome by the time he came to me, poor little love.
It would be over my dead body that he will ever be rehomed again tbh.

I would sell my possessions, beg, borrow or steal to keep him with me but if the worst happened I'd find someone to take him for a short while and I would be visiting so much they'd be sick of me!

He'll be with me till he dies, or I do if I can help it.

*Really don't get why the op is getting a hard time

Because she’s dumped two pets for inexcusable reasons, and has started a thread looking for validation that she’s special, and her reasons for abandoning animals don’t mean that she shouldn’t be trusted with pets again.*

Nice selective quoting of my post there. I said "and RickJames isn't when they both did the same thing". Clearly you are incapable of a proper debate.

I would say to think carefully when you decide to get another pet.

I see so many people get a large dog breed that truly needs a lot of open space and keep it locked up in their small flat all day while they work or aggressive breeds they're unwilling to train properly.

Do you have enough money to pay for 4 or 6 weeks at a kennel if needed? Money for unexpected vet bills. Money for proper training.

@Kk789

If you've had to rehome pets twice, I personally think you should stop getting pets, yes. You have been unable to commit to the lifetime of a pet twice already. You don't need a pet, just stay without.

Unless I've misunderstood the question here?

I agree with this actually

I have re-homed a foster cat. I was clear with the adoption group that I would not accept toileting issues - the cat was then weeing everywhere which was unpleasant so I returned her to the breed specific charity in a matter of weeks.

My other cats have lived with me for their full lives and I took one all around the world with me as I lived abroad.

So no, I don't discount circumstances in needing to re-home a pet. However, I decided that I would only get kittens after that incident, so I could deal with behaviours before they got habitual.

You seem to have a more settled existence now, so I don't see why you shouldn't have pets - but perhaps go for low maintenance ones like cats.

@vivainsomnia

Then in 2012 I had a horrible accident when out hiking and I couldn’t exercise or care for my dog For how long? That alone would certainly not see me getting rid of my dog. I would pay for a dog walker, and whatever I could do for myself I'd do for my dog, so not sure.

Exactly- I smashed my ankle really badly and couldn't walk or exercise my dog for for a while - I made other arrangements until I was well enough and the thought of rehoming never even crossed my mind

I do feel people are a bit over-dramatic on here. Shit happens in life and in the end we're talking about animals not children. In 2001 when I was 22 I left a partner and had to move back in with my parents. My parents wouldn't have the cats as well so they were rehomed. I was sad but trust me, I needed to prioritise myself at that time. In 2014 I got another rescue cat when I was happily married and he's curled up next to me now and is adored by me, my husband and three kids. There are lots of circumstances where it's necessary to re-home...clearly don't buy a new dog every year in the hope that it's less hard work than the last, but there are shades of grey in life.

@Feelslikealot you’re either hard of understanding, or being purposefully obtuse. My answer was because OP STARTED THE THREAD looking for validation. The OP almost always gets the hardest time on AIBU.

RickJames not so much because she didn’t start the thread? Do you understand? Or do you need it spelt out? You seem to be struggling with a simple concept.

You seem to be struggling to be a decent human being but we all have our problems

@Feelslikealot ah, the lowest form of wankery. Well done

Sometimes rehoming, hard as it might be for the owner, is the best thing for the animal.
The issue is HOW the Rehoming is done - Rehoming to someone you know and trust vs relying on the generosity of charities vs selling your animal to some random on gumtree
Circumstances do change, and if the animal is unhappy Rehoming can be the right thing to do, for its sake. As long as you are sure the animal is definitely going to a better life.
I'm a vet, and have in the past advised and encouraged (and aided) Rehoming, for the animal's' sake. But I have once told someone " do not get any more animals! " when they wanted a dog euthanized for having fleas!
There are circumstances, and then there are some people who are just unsuited to having animals! There isn't a blanket rule

@MistandMud

The guilt at knowing an animal who loved me unconditionally would then be upset at why they were suddenly taken from their home

Hmm, I’d say it took my dog about 10 minutes to decide that the unfamiliar emergency dog sitter was her Best Friend Ever.

Couple of sausages, and her heartache was completely assuaged.

That's your dog then.

That is definitely not my pet. She isn't like anyone else the way she is with me. I will never rehome her. She is family and I am in it thick and thin. When I was in hospital for an extended period, my mum had her. If I hadn't had my mum around, I would have found a friend to take her in, or paid whoever I needed to. I know she missed me when I was gone and that a bit of food from someone new could never replace her mum.

I'm sorry if you don't have a bond like that. It is the best, most unconditional love.

If I ever had to rehome her, I wouldn't be able to just get a new pet a few years. I'd feel too guilty for letting my lifetime commitment to her as my dependent.

A pet is a luxury and massive commitment. If you've been unable to fulfil this commitment repeatedly, stop taking on dependents you can't look after.

Just my personal opinion.

I’d say that sentiment is correct in a lot of the posts I’ve seen. More so when it comes to cats, rather than dogs. The posts re cats often come across as them being far more disposable.

The fact that you had a 6 week gap makes me feel a bit sick. I’d have moved heaven and earth to find a way around this.

I'm glad people are more responsible about pets these days, but I think things have swung too far the other way. Pets are not kids, and rehousing them does not have to be traumatic. They can adjust very easily. I have inherited a number of dogs over the years. All of them could have conceivably stayed with the original owners, but for various reasons I was able to offer them a better quality of life, and I don't think less of the original owners for it.

@RantyAunty

I would say to think carefully when you decide to get another pet.

I see so many people get a large dog breed that truly needs a lot of open space and keep it locked up in their small flat all day while they work or aggressive breeds they're unwilling to train properly.

Do you have enough money to pay for 4 or 6 weeks at a kennel if needed? Money for unexpected vet bills. Money for proper training.

See, this type of post annoys me re large breeds. It’s a misconception that, the larger the dog, the more exercise they need.

People in a flat/small house might think it’s better to get a small dog rather than a larger dog.

When choosing a dog, it’s never just about the size. You need to look at what the breed is “designed” to do. And does that breed, with its inherent characteristics, fit in with your lifestyle?

Smaller dog breeds often need way more exercise than giant breeds. And, often need more training re manners. I tend to find that owners of larger breeds have taught manners much more than those with smaller dogs.

@freelions

In both scenarios you have taken on a pet in circumstances where you have no 'back up' for situations where you are incapacitated, once is perhaps unlucky but I would say twice is poor judgement

I would love a dog but do not have one for a number or reasons, one being that I would struggle to find someone to look after a dog for me at short notice if I had an emergency to deal with

I agree that it is better to rehome an animal if you are no longer in a situation to care for it but I would say that having this happen to you more than once in a lifetime is careless at best

This for me. Once could happen to anyone, twice feels like poor judgement. Do you currently have back up if something happens or would you have to rehome your pet again?

Our dogs died, I'd love another one, but I recognise where I am right now I don't have the ability to give a dog or cat the proper care and love it deserves, so we don't have pets.

@Furries

I’d say that sentiment is correct in a lot of the posts I’ve seen. More so when it comes to cats, rather than dogs. The posts re cats often come across as them being far more disposable.

The fact that you had a 6 week gap makes me feel a bit sick. I’d have moved heaven and earth to find a way around this.

Me too. I couldn't imagine rehoming our dogs over a 6 week gap, I wouldn't compare them to our DC, but I'd have moved heaven and earth in both OPs situations not to rehome my pets.

Tbh I think not getting another pet should be everyone’s default. It should take a lot of thought before bringing a pet into a family including insurance and contingencies if things go wrong… I mean obviously easier with a goldfish than a horse but the same principle applies. I have a family member who got a dog saying their parents would look after it if they were away but they always holiday together and end up trying to guilt other family members into house sitting and looking after the dog which is ridiculous to me. Others got guinea pigs and then had to rehome them 6 months later when they were TTC as apparently they did no research before hand and didn’t realize pregnant women were meant to avoid them

@Gettingpets

If that’s what you think, then it is what you think. I can’t personally think of anyone else that was possible or practical given I didn’t have the available finances for a cattery.

I think the point is as a responsible owner you should have a fund set away for pet emergencies. So if we were to get another dog I would want to have a good amount of money set away in case we flooded and needed to use a kennel/unexpected vet bills/behavioural issues necessitating specialist advice or training.

So yes perhaps in that situation there was nothing you could have done, but you shouldn’t have been in that situation. In my opinion it’s a little irresponsible to get a pet in the first place when you’re in rented accommodation and planning to move with no set out plan for the pet in between.

Kk789 well, I assumed we had that bond and that she’d be desperately unhappy without me.

Humph.

I think the point is as a responsible owner you should have a fund set away for pet emergencies

A lot of these people who dump animals at the drop of a hat, don’t have proper, or any insurance which would cover them in a lot of situations with emergency boarding fees etc.

The thought that a 6 week period of inconvenience makes a pet disposable, is exactly the problem