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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour seems to have an issue with me

131 replies

Waterloo555 · 08/10/2021 12:43

No idea why. We live in a block of small flats, my partner and I live on the floor above her but not directly above.
She looks in her early 20s and I think is Eastern European.
The first couple of times we saw her she just walked past us with a stormy look on her face, didn’t smile, say hi or anything. Thought maybe she was shy or a cultural thing.

She’s done this a few times.
This morning I had my bike repaired and a mobile company came to do it. I was sitting on the bottom steps next to the front door, the front door was slightly open whilst I was waiting for them to repair it.

I wasn’t making noise and it was 9:30am so not too early.
She came out of her room to use the communal toilet and peered her head over the bannister down at me. I said hi and she just looked at me.
She carried on so I asked if I could help her with anything. She just walked off, doing the loudest passive aggressive sigh ever, then did it again walking from the toilet back to her room.

Once we had no electricity in the flat. We had to charge our phones with a socket which was outside her flat. She came back from a night out after we had started charging them, and I could hear her doing the loudest possible sighs every minute.

She seems to have an issue with me but I’ve never spoken to her or done anything. We don’t invite anyone over really, I go to bed quite early, we don’t blast loud music or anything and we aren’t directly adjacent to her either.

The other day there was a massive spider so I screamed, maybe she heard that. Same once when my partner was tickling me, but it’s not constant.
Never had noise complaints from any neighbours or the agency.

So not really sure at all. I just ignore her, won’t be living near her forever but cannot understand what the issue is.

OP posts:

AutumnInBustletown · 08/10/2021 14:15

I think she's sighing because of her crappy living arrangements.... communal toilet, eww! That's pretty depressing.

SukiPook · 08/10/2021 14:16

@midsomermurderess

What is this 'cultural thing' so many people on here have suddenly started to refer to? Oh, you know them, they have this thing for being very rude. Eh?

It can be true though, cultural differences do make a difference in things like this. E.g. I had a friend from Ukraine,he made the comment that English people say hello too much (his view was,"I've seen you already today and we said hi, I'm not saying it again everytime I walk past you in the same day") He meant smiling too. He said that he found English people quite fake, all "Hello how are you" and smiles to your face and then"Fuck you" behind your back. I made the joke "Oh instead of saying hello do you Ukranians just give people the finger and say fuck you?" ... he thought this was hilarious and giving each other the finger became our running joke whenever we saw each other. (I'm not English myself but we Irish do the same thing of being polite to your face nomatter what.) Maybe this woman is actually annoyed at you even saying hi! Who knows but it is unsettling for us because we're used to the surface politeness at the very least.

ThreeYearsPastBestByDate · 08/10/2021 14:17

She may be like that with everyone, unless you know that she's friendlier to the other people in the building.

Some people are just moody with everyone. Even if it is directed at you, personally, there's not much you can do but ignore it.

EerieSilence · 08/10/2021 14:24

@Mistyplanet - wow, that's a lot of xenophobic bollocks.

EdgeOfTheSky · 08/10/2021 14:26

Just ask her?

Say hello and say you have noticed she sometimes sighs when you are around and you hope you haven't upset her.

midsomermurderess · 08/10/2021 14:27

But @SukiPook, it's meaningless to extrapolate from the myriad countries that 'Eastern European' once comprised (Central European countries, Balkan countries, Baltic countries) to an individual's behaviour. I have met gregarious right through to truculent/monosyllabic people from many of these countries. The OP finds 'this' person brusque, impatient with her etc. Nothing to do with their compatriots. 'It's cultural' lumps people onto undifferentiated groups and refuses to see their individuality.

ILoveJamaica · 08/10/2021 14:28

We and a few other flats have our own toilets but a couple of studios, including hers, share a toilet

Eh?

Jasmine11 · 08/10/2021 14:32

Sounds like she has become annoyed by you for some reason. Could be a misunderstanding or maybe you make more noise than you think. Not sure what her being Eastern European has got to do with anything though?

dworky · 08/10/2021 14:32

People have never heard of bedsits?

grapewine · 08/10/2021 14:34

@Blondiney

She doesn't owe you a smile or a 'hello' so stop expecting one. Maybe she's depressed and she the last thing she wants is some irritatingly chirpy neighbour demanding a response from her.

This would be me, I'm afraid. I just get on with my own life, and I'd probably be annoyed with the shared toilet situation as well. I've seen it in London, and it put me off living in that studio.

viques · 08/10/2021 14:35

Where do you keep your bike? do you carry it upstairs to your flat or leave it in a communal area for everyone to trip over?

Pythonista · 08/10/2021 14:37

[quote Schhhteeevie]@Pythonista - “leave the poor woman alone”

Maybe take your own advice and leave OP alone, you’re way too invested in this thread[/quote]
Actually no but thanks for the advice

The xenophobic shit on here is staggering.

But if OP wants to approach her, it's bound to go well

Pythonista · 08/10/2021 14:38

@Blondiney

She doesn't owe you a smile or a 'hello' so stop expecting one. Maybe she's depressed and she the last thing she wants is some irritatingly chirpy neighbour demanding a response from her.

This!

grapewine · 08/10/2021 14:38

I'd be annoyed at this too. I'm actually just grumpy, I guess.

midsomermurderess · 08/10/2021 14:41

It is possible to leave a bike in a communal area in such a way that people don't trip over it.

CustardySergeant · 08/10/2021 14:42

@ILoveJamaica

We and a few other flats have our own toilets but a couple of studios, including hers, share a toilet

Eh?

It sounds perfectly clear to me. What's confusing you?

fumfspos · 08/10/2021 14:43

I get annoyed about people in the block I live in using communal electricity to charge things - in the cellar for example. It's cheeky because the communal electricity charges for things like the lights in the stairwell and cellar are shared between all the flats. If others are charging their things from the communal sockets that's not on as we are then all having to pay for them to charge their phones.

She wasn't to know that you had no electricity in your flat and you were charging the phones as a one off.

viques · 08/10/2021 14:43

Yes, it is also possible to leave a bike in a communal area so that it causes your neighbours to hate you .

Flowiththego · 08/10/2021 14:55

She sounds as if she's grumpy in general. Probably nothing to do with you. You just don't know what's going on in her life. Sounds as if she doesn't want to interact so don't waste any more time worrying about what you've done wrong - if you had done something she would likely tell you.

Brefugee · 08/10/2021 14:58

why don't you get your DH to say "smile, luv, you look much prettier" or something.

Just get on with your life.

Brefugee · 08/10/2021 15:00

Ive experienced this kind of behaviour from Eastern Europeans. Obviously it goes without saying most are not like this but I think they have a particular way of expressing when they are irritated by someone with looks, sighing and huffing and puffing.

it makes a change from the ageism here anyway. Stop with the racism.

ravenmum · 08/10/2021 15:03

Could be any number of things. She might just not want to have to interact with you.

Then again, I used to live in a flat (not in the UK) where the toilets were in a separate area, and I'd look through the peephole first to see if I could spot anyone in the hall before going there. Sometimes you just want to go for a shit wearing your dressing gown or with no makeup without having to make small talk.

I now live in a small flat where the front door opens straight onto the staircase, and it can be annoying when someone leaves the door to the building open, as the cold air comes under my door. People also talk in the hall, and it echoes, and I'd have to shut another door in my flat to stop hearing them. I'm here for the long term so am polite to my neighbours as long as they don't take the piss, but this sounds like a place where people might be constantly coming and going without living there long?

You knew she was going to the toilet, so "Can I help you?" was presumably not a real question. Maybe she thinks you are not very friendly either?

Peoniesandpeaches · 08/10/2021 15:10

@grapewine

I'd be annoyed at this too. I'm actually just grumpy, I guess.

Yeah me too. This and someone leaving the door open in this weather would bother me especially if I have to go out into the hallway every time I need to go to the bathroom.

midsomermurderess · 08/10/2021 15:11

Yes, viques, there is a range, a spectrum. But you immediately go to one extreme.

Pythonista · 08/10/2021 15:22

We are humans. We are social animals. Some of us have had that abused out of us, and some of us are total psychos. Friendliness plus boundaries is all that is needed.

And some of us have hidden disabilities like autism and therefore don't want to get to know the neighbours

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