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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour seems to have an issue with me

131 replies

Waterloo555 · 08/10/2021 12:43

No idea why. We live in a block of small flats, my partner and I live on the floor above her but not directly above.
She looks in her early 20s and I think is Eastern European.
The first couple of times we saw her she just walked past us with a stormy look on her face, didn’t smile, say hi or anything. Thought maybe she was shy or a cultural thing.

She’s done this a few times.
This morning I had my bike repaired and a mobile company came to do it. I was sitting on the bottom steps next to the front door, the front door was slightly open whilst I was waiting for them to repair it.

I wasn’t making noise and it was 9:30am so not too early.
She came out of her room to use the communal toilet and peered her head over the bannister down at me. I said hi and she just looked at me.
She carried on so I asked if I could help her with anything. She just walked off, doing the loudest passive aggressive sigh ever, then did it again walking from the toilet back to her room.

Once we had no electricity in the flat. We had to charge our phones with a socket which was outside her flat. She came back from a night out after we had started charging them, and I could hear her doing the loudest possible sighs every minute.

She seems to have an issue with me but I’ve never spoken to her or done anything. We don’t invite anyone over really, I go to bed quite early, we don’t blast loud music or anything and we aren’t directly adjacent to her either.

The other day there was a massive spider so I screamed, maybe she heard that. Same once when my partner was tickling me, but it’s not constant.
Never had noise complaints from any neighbours or the agency.

So not really sure at all. I just ignore her, won’t be living near her forever but cannot understand what the issue is.

OP posts:
LaBellina · 08/10/2021 13:07

Look at it from the bright side OP.
She’s openly not giving a shit about what kind of impression she makes on you, so you can stop bothering and overthinking as well.
No need to waste your time and energy on this drama queen who probably has issues with a lot more people if she’s so sick easily offended and rude about it too.

Pythonista · 08/10/2021 13:08

Drama queen ? Grin

The poor woman probably just wants to get on with her life

Pythonista · 08/10/2021 13:10

If people just concentrated on their own lives, it would be so much easier Grin

Balonzette · 08/10/2021 13:10

@Pythonista

Not sure why it's relevant that she's Eastern European though,

Some people just won't like you!

Are you joking? Of COURSE it's relevant because of potential cultural issues. I hate this pedantic nonsense where it's suddenly offensive to notice literally anything about a person.
Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 08/10/2021 13:11

You were sitting with the front door open? That would be a problem for many people especially now the weather is cold enough to put the heating on. My guess is that you may be doing things which are actually really annoying in the communal space and are just unaware if it though she could of course just be grumpy with everyone!

Pythonista · 08/10/2021 13:12

But why does it matter whether it's cultural or she just finds the OP irritating? It's the same result

Hadalifeonce · 08/10/2021 13:13

Someone once told me that she wanted to hate me and was annoyed I was quite nice🥴 No chance of understanding that!

Lou98 · 08/10/2021 13:14

@Pythonista

But why does it matter whether it's cultural or she just finds the OP irritating? It's the same result

Because that's exactly what the OP is asking - whether it could be a cultural thing or if it isn't and she just doesn't like her

OP - she may not have heard you say hi, I'm partially deaf and I wouldn't have heard you say hi from another floor. Try take no notice, it could be you or that could just be what she's like, if you haven't done anything to upset her then there's not much you can do about it really

Waterloo555 · 08/10/2021 13:14

I left it slightly ajar for 10-15 minutes, it’s the main front door downstairs but we all have our own front doors to our flats, I had a repairman outside so I didn’t close it completely though maybe it annoyed her.

OP posts:
Waterloo555 · 08/10/2021 13:16

I will just take no notice of her, it’s her problem really, I’ll just get on with things

OP posts:
MattHancocksSexTape · 08/10/2021 13:17

Maybe she was pissed off that you were stealing from the communal electricity supply.

Notjustanymum · 08/10/2021 13:20

Maybe her Alma mater was Beauxbatons (from Harry Potter) - the sighing was a feature of theirs😂
People can be very odd, I’d ignore - you’ve tried to interact in a social way and her socialisation doesn’t match yours. Not worth getting upset over.

Ijustreallywantacat · 08/10/2021 13:21

Maybe she was pissed off that you were stealing from the communal electricity supply.

Very unnecessary. The OP didn't have a choice.

OP, you sound level headed. Just carry on being your pleasant self and she won't have an actual reason to huff. I guess we're always going to be somebody's bug bear! She might be sighing at the situation generally, not you personally.

Waterloo555 · 08/10/2021 13:25

Stealing from the communal electricity supply 😅😅 it gets better

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 08/10/2021 13:27

I suspect in a set up where she has to use a communal toilet she may have been wondering why the front door was open (where anyone might have been able to come in) hence she looked over to check someone was there.

Embroidery · 08/10/2021 13:29

Are you in the uk?
It could be a few things, all nothing for you to worry about.
Eg
She thinks youre too pretty / beautiful / well dressed (even if its charity shop if its put together nicely.)
She thinks you have a easy life compared to her.
She thinks you have a happy life compared to her.
Shes just naturally hostile to strangers
Shes brought up to be hostile to strangers.
Shes culturally hostile to strangers as strangers being nice are often con-people in her experience. I have relatives like this.
She feels threatened by you, by your happiness/ prettiness / worried husband.
Shes in an abusive relationship.

Im old now but in my heyday youth women often hated me.

Talking to her should break the ice and she'd deny all of above.

AutistAwayWithUrConditionalLuv · 08/10/2021 13:31

OP, it could be that she's easily irritated, so little things will annoy her and once she's pegged you as someone who always does things she finds annoying, that's it. There's no chance she'll see you differently. Some people are like that.

It can be unpleasant to live near someone you need to walk on eggshells around but as long as you know you're doing all you can to be a considerate neighbour, just live your life.

Some people will hate you for any reason, no matter what you do.

Pythonista · 08/10/2021 13:32

@Embroidery

Are you in the uk? It could be a few things, all nothing for you to worry about. Eg She thinks youre too pretty / beautiful / well dressed (even if its charity shop if its put together nicely.) She thinks you have a easy life compared to her. She thinks you have a happy life compared to her. Shes just naturally hostile to strangers Shes brought up to be hostile to strangers. Shes culturally hostile to strangers as strangers being nice are often con-people in her experience. I have relatives like this. She feels threatened by you, by your happiness/ prettiness / worried husband. Shes in an abusive relationship.

Im old now but in my heyday youth women often hated me.

Talking to her should break the ice and she'd deny all of above.

Are you Samantha Brick?

She clearly prefers to mind her own business.

Don't talk to her FFS. Whether it's personal or not she isn't interested. Maybe she's like that with everyone.

ChristmasFluff · 08/10/2021 13:50

I'd recommend being bloody nice to her. I do this all the time - if someone is horrible to me, I nice them to death. Not in a fawning way - but my latest was the grumpy chip shop lady.

Seemed to hate me in sight, nice to everyone else. I have been unfailingly nice to her, always ask about her day, make stupid jokes. And she still hated me. Granted, COVID shat on my strategy by shutting the chip shops for months. But recently, she's been lovely to me. My son even asked my why I call her 'the grumpy chip-shop lady', because she is so nice to me.

Some people will never be nice. It doesn't matter. I'm nice to them because it doesn't affect my life. Until it does.

I'm probably never gonna be her friend. But it makes getting chips much more pleasant. And we get more chips too.

Sometimes people are traumatised and their default is 'nasty'. It's a rare thing for a psychopath to act that way. So I generally assume I'm dealing with a hurt person and behave accordingly. It usually works out well.

I've never known it not to - but I'm boundaried, so if it didn't, if someone was a twat to me, I'd act accordingly anyway.

So I'd totally go against the 'don't talk to her' advice. I'd talk as I would with anyone else, any other neighbour I'd love to get to know., Because, fuck me, I like to get to know my neighbours and get on with them!

We are humans. We are social animals. Some of us have had that abused out of us, and some of us are total psychos. Friendliness plus boundaries is all that is needed.

Schhhteeevie · 08/10/2021 13:52

@Pythonista - “leave the poor woman alone”

Confused Maybe take your own advice and leave OP alone, you’re way too invested in this thread

midsomermurderess · 08/10/2021 13:54

What is this 'cultural thing' so many people on here have suddenly started to refer to? Oh, you know them, they have this thing for being very rude. Eh?

Bluesheep8 · 08/10/2021 14:02

She lives in a flat without a bathroom. She's probably pretty pissed off about that and it's actually nothing to do with you.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 08/10/2021 14:10

@Waterloo555

I left it slightly ajar for 10-15 minutes, it’s the main front door downstairs but we all have our own front doors to our flats, I had a repairman outside so I didn’t close it completely though maybe it annoyed her.
This would annoy me as despite having another door, you would have been letting some of the heat out.
Schhhteeevie · 08/10/2021 14:12

Cultural “things” exist @midsomermurderess

In Russian communication, a smile is not a signal of politeness. Russians consider a perpetual polite smile an “servant's smile.” It is considered a demonstration of insincerity, secretiveness and unwillingness to show one's true feelings. In Russian communication, it is not acceptable to smile at stranger

Blondiney · 08/10/2021 14:14

She doesn't owe you a smile or a 'hello' so stop expecting one. Maybe she's depressed and she the last thing she wants is some irritatingly chirpy neighbour demanding a response from her.