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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Christmas Eve-how important is it to you?

174 replies

Boredofthinkingofaname · 06/10/2021 18:21

Sorry to be bringing up the C word this early.

I live abroad with Dp and toddler. Due to covid etc, we won’t be returning to the U.K. for Xmas, didn’t last year either.
Dp’s workplace last year worked until 1 on Christmas eve and then went for Christmas lunch etc and ended up getting home around 6 pm.
Christmas eve is my favourite time and v exciting for our Dd. Last year, we waited for him to get home to eat and it was all a bit rushed and really not special at all.
His boss is older with no children
Aibu in thinking the workplace could finish the day before and have their special lunch then, even if it meant coming back to work a day earlier after Xmas (they take two weeks off)
It’s not a profession that *Has to work on Xmas eve for any reason at all

OP posts:
Natsku · 07/10/2021 08:32

@Nightbringer

Also not sure how ots the 'main day' in ops country and yet also an official working day.

In countries where it is the main day for everyone, is it not usually classed as a non working day?

Might not be. In Finland Christmas Eve is the main day but its not an official public holiday but will often be a day off according to work agreements in sectors where they don't need to work that day.

OP, the British boss might not understand how important Christmas Eve is in the country you're living, people need to explain it to him, and perhaps check if its normal in the sector to work on Christmas Eve or not - if its usually a day off or a half day in that sector that could help the boss understand.

Darceyhemingway · 07/10/2021 08:48

My fave day of the year. It's so exciting!! I'm pregnant with our first but I'd be annoyed if my husband did this even without kids, 100x more so with them!

Darceyhemingway · 07/10/2021 08:49

Also I think it's really selfish of the boss to make the employees go to this Xmas even meal and give out bonuses. Xmas Eve should be spent with family and friends not your boss

Nightbringer · 07/10/2021 09:45

@Natsku thank you. Seems odd ita the main day but not a public holiday.

I suppose you have to pick your job carefully if that's the case and you definitely want it off.

I am guess the ops dh didn't consider this.

BiddyPop · 07/10/2021 10:16

DH and I live away from our families, although not abroad. Until recently, it was only my job that insisted on an appearance on Christmas Eve (well, turn up for an hour or so on 24th in the morning, or take the full day off as leave - building closes by about 12.30pm in city centre) - but DCs are welcome to come in and we tended to join DH after he'd had a coffee and wander locally for lunch, last minute shopping and travel home together again. In 2019, his company changed their normal and also opened on 24th, UK HQ were demanding full working day until 5pm but DH (as the most senior) took an executive decision on his office (geographically same time zone but not in UK) that it was only until lunch.

But when I went into work, DD enjoyed coming to see my colleagues (and getting to raid biscuit tins and chocolates boxes all over the building!). We had a nice lunch in town with DH, and made a last visit of the season to the Live Crib outside the Lord Mayor's House, got a few bits and pieces shopping (including DD picking her birthday cake in M&S for 26th).

We try to get a walk in if the weather is ok - often the woods near home. Some years if we have not been at work (taken leave or weekend days), we have done the Christmas Eve swim for a homeless charity in the local sailing club and enjoyed meeting friends there (for the swim, and a warming drink afterwards) before it closed for a few days.

Our afternoon has always been working together in the kitchen with the radio going for festive cheer - DH, DD and I - to prepare for turkey dinner. Peeling and chopping veg, making stuffing, playing tetris with the fridge to make everything fit etc. DD has always baked cookies to leave out for Santa as part of that - some years from scratch, but there is always a half a batch of dough in the freezer from an earlier baking in Nov/Dec that we can slice and bake if proper baking is too much for us that day.

Our dinner is a selection of lovely things laid out on the table for everyone to help themselves. Mostly cold, although there might be some hot sausage rolls or 1 other hot thing some years.

After dinner, DD lights the Christmas Candle - an Irish tradition that shows that there is room in our "Inn" for any weary travellers needing shelter. In our case, we take the time to reflect on the good and bad of the year that is finishing, and remember those no longer with us, and say a family prayer.

Then the Christmas Eve hamper comes out - with DD's plastic plate and glass with Santa on (from being a toddler), her stocking, her snowman covered hot water bottle (that's in use all winter), the family edition of "Twas the Night before Christmas", new PJs for everyone for winter, hot choc for all and a christmas craft beer for DH, and lush festive bath bombs for DD and I.

It's the signal to her to lay out the milk and cookies along with the stocking, before going up for a relaxing bath. Into new pjs, comes back down for hot choc and a cookie, before we read her the book as a bedtime story all snuggled up.

Of course, if we are having a travelling year, we are either doing a lot of driving to get home and visiting both houses before bedtime, or doing things with various family members all day and making sure to visit both houses before hopefully getting to where we're staying at a reasonable hour.

Both of our work gatherings are before 24th. It's varied over the years between a lunch and a dinner, and what date it might happen, but I think the 22nd was the latest ever. 24th is a day when everyone wants to do family things or travel.

But if you know that it's likely to happen again, plan on what you want to happen with DD generally as solo activities and keep something special to do with DP in the evening but assume he won't be around until then. THere are lots of crafts or baking or festive walks or wrapping special presents that you could do together, listen to Santa's phone-in on the radio in the afternoon, look at the Santa trackers (Norad, Santa Update etc), make a paper chain to decorate her room, get her to help clean up as an especially "Good list" thing, dance around to Christmas songs, watch a Christmas movie and have a carpet picnic instead of lunch/dinner.....

If DP will have a large meal with work, maybe get something that DD and you would really love and is easy, and have some snacks or party food bits to have later with DP in case he is peckish. Or have your large meal during the day also, and have your family meal being smaller and under less pressure of time - especially if it's more snacky bits if DP gets delayed that DD can have some carrot sticks and cheese and ham, but might still have some more when he gets home. Rather than trying to rush a proper dinner together.

What I love about 24th is that it is a day where we start to slow down (as we race around far too much in our house always), we wander in town as we generally have everything except DD's cake bought by then so it's bonus things but we don't need to do lots of queuing (and M&S queues generally disappear very early in the city centre once the pre-orders are collected). We like to get some fresh air either with a walk or swim, but by early afternoon at the latest. We don't have that much to do in the kitchen but we are doing it together and chatting and spending time hanging out together. Dinner is open things and put them on the table, no rushing to cook complicated dishes, and we enjoy sitting over a long relaxed meal. And we keep slowing it down afterwards with the candle and fun but gentle times towards bedtime.

If DP's job has a certain way of doing it, then you probably have to adapt to that. But there are lots of ways you can adapt, still have fun with DD and later DP. And also, while you might not get to do some pre-Christmas fun stuff with him on 24th, if he has the following 2 weeks off, there can be lots and lots of family fun in that time!!

dryasaboner · 07/10/2021 10:30

@Darceyhemingway

Also I think it's really selfish of the boss to make the employees go to this Xmas even meal and give out bonuses. Xmas Eve should be spent with family and friends not your boss
Not if it's a day you are being paid to work- like most people in the world. You'd be annoyed if your partner had to work on a day he's paid to be there?
maofteens · 07/10/2021 10:33

I'd prefer to have Christmas Eve off and go back a day early - in fact I think it's the run up to Christmas that's the best bit so I'd have a week off before and go back to work right after New Years, by then I'm getting a bit bored.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 07/10/2021 10:41

If the boss is usually nice and is being generous then he probably doesn't realise how much of an imposition his generous meal out actually is. Think your husband may have to take a deep breath and talk to his boss and ask that the work christmas party be moved forward a day

dryasaboner · 07/10/2021 10:44

I seriously feel like I must be living in a parallel universe. An imposition. Ask him to move it. It's a working day and he's being paid to be in work. Instead of actually working he's being paid to attend a meal. Why would he otherwise be at home?

starrynight87 · 07/10/2021 11:10

Can he take the day off?

ilovesooty · 07/10/2021 11:11

@dryasaboner

I seriously feel like I must be living in a parallel universe. An imposition. Ask him to move it. It's a working day and he's being paid to be in work. Instead of actually working he's being paid to attend a meal. Why would he otherwise be at home?
I agree. Christmas Eve is a normal working day, not a bank holiday or some kind of working day you should expect to be able to take off automatically as a family day. Most people either go to work or take the day as annual leave if their manager and the business need allows it. Most jobs wouldn't allow someone to have an entitlement to book it off every year either, but you'd have to take your turn.
gannett · 07/10/2021 11:21

You seem a bit stuck on declaring that this is inherently unjust and the boss should change the way he runs his business just because you feel he should. What can you actually do about it?

  • Your DH can approach his boss and talk about Christmas Eve being an unfortunate date to have a big work lunch. It'll be more effective if he has the support of his colleagues. But whether this will go down well (or actually result in change) will differ between workplaces.
  • Your DH can just take an annual leave day on Christmas Eve.
  • If either of the above go down badly or harm your DH's prospects at work, then he's probably not in a great workplace. The answer to this is to look for another job.
  • In the meantime there are ways you can still have a special family Christmas Eve. In a lot of families where one or both parent has to work over Christmas they simply shift the date and have their big Christmas lunch a day or two earlier or later. It doesn't make it any less special. The calendar is a human construct, there's nothing that makes a set of 24 hours any more special than another. Do all your lovely Christmas Eve traditions on another day, one which works for the whole family.
Blondeshavemorefun · 07/10/2021 11:45

Christmas Eve isn’t a bank holiday

But agree nice to finish early esp have kids

Anyone else in company have kids

Dh could go for the meal and be sober and drive home

If Xmas eve is that important to him

Liverbird77 · 08/10/2021 20:34

Fine, Christmas Eve isn't a bank holiday but most workplaces do an early finish, if not a half day.
It's one thing working and another having to eat a massive meal which impacts on the rest of the day. At best it's insensitive.

Vulpius · 08/10/2021 21:03

Very important due to the various cathedral services that day/night.

dryasaboner · 08/10/2021 21:18

lol insensitive

NearlyNearlyThere · 08/10/2021 21:37

@dryasaboner
Try looking at it from the point of view of the owner of the business. No work is being done from lunchtime onwards, and a substantial amount of company money is being spent on food and drink but instead of making everyone happy it’s making the workers and their families miserable and resentful.
Frankly, it doesn’t even matter if the workers’ and their families’ reactions are right or rational. The boss is wasting company time and money - even if it’s his bloody company, which seems unlikely. Insensitive doesn’t seem a bad description.

LittleMysSister · 08/10/2021 21:51

I love Christmas Eve but have always worked for some, if not all, of the day. Very usual in the UK.

However, I do think since you're located elsewhere your DH's boss should be more understanding of local custom, if Christmas Eve is the main day to celebrate? But then I guess that is more likely down to the company than the individual.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 08/10/2021 21:52

Love Christmas eve, almost more than Christmas day. In the past we have both had to work but I never do now and DH tried not to. I wouldn't be impressed him spending so long socialising instead of coming home.

Asthenia · 08/10/2021 23:19

YANBU OP I’d feel the same. Xmas eve is my favourite day of the year and I’m lucky enough to never have been in a job where I’ve had to work on it! Not really sure what you can do about it though unfortunately…your husband might just have to either suck it up or say that he has family plans?

dryasaboner · 08/10/2021 23:41

[quote NearlyNearlyThere]@dryasaboner
Try looking at it from the point of view of the owner of the business. No work is being done from lunchtime onwards, and a substantial amount of company money is being spent on food and drink but instead of making everyone happy it’s making the workers and their families miserable and resentful.
Frankly, it doesn’t even matter if the workers’ and their families’ reactions are right or rational. The boss is wasting company time and money - even if it’s his bloody company, which seems unlikely. Insensitive doesn’t seem a bad description.[/quote]
Well put them back in the office/shop floor if being paid to have a meal when they would otherwise be working is making them so miserable. I've heard it all

Kingsmead · 09/10/2021 00:08

This happened once - I was thoroughly miserable and following that dh took it off. It’s my favourite day.

FangsForTheMemory · 09/10/2021 00:19

Christmas Eve is the only bit of Christmas I enjoy. It’s magical.

Holothane · 09/10/2021 00:33

I love Christmas Eve, Christmas Day bit of come down it’s the present buying and stuff I love ,this year though can’t be bothered.

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