Infidelity is abusive. AIBU?

[Infidelitydiscussion]

Given that cheating on your spouse/partner often includes gaslighting, causing emotional trauma and putting them at risk of sexually transmitted diseases - personally I would consider cheating to be abusive.

AIBU?

Interesting thread, I never thought about it before now but I think cheating can absolutely be classed as abuse when it’s ongoing, involves lying to your partner making them feel insecure etc…is it really much different from emotional abuse?

@PixieLaLa

Interesting thread, I never thought about it before now but I think cheating can absolutely be classed as abuse when it’s ongoing, involves lying to your partner making them feel insecure etc…is it really much different from emotional abuse?

You can lie to your partner and make them feel insecure in many other ways. That doesn't mean having sex with Mary is, in itself, an abusive act towards Jane.

@DrSbaitso
Not so much the act of cheating itself but situations where the cheaters denying something that is true and making their partner question their own thoughts are defined as emotional abuse. I know it’s not so black and white to say cheating is emotional abuse but I think some cheating can be classed as that.

[quote PixieLaLa]@DrSbaitso
Not so much the act of cheating itself but situations where the cheaters denying something that is true and making their partner question their own thoughts are defined as emotional abuse. I know it’s not so black and white to say cheating is emotional abuse but I think some cheating can be classed as that.[/quote]
I wouldn't say it's the cheating itself, though. More the mind games, if indeed those are played (plenty of people have no idea an affair is going on). And those mind games can be played in all sorts of situations that don't involve infidelity. They can be played for their own sake, for the fun of it.

There is no legal definition of "abuse" so in a sense it does not matter if one person thinks cheating is abuse or not. It is not against the law. We do have a new offence of coercive control but given most women and men who cheat try to hide it that is unlikely to be committed as they are not pushing it in the face of the other spouse.

At the end of the day in English law you can almost divorce if you want to as it is so easy to prove unreasonable behaviour so people who are fed up with a cheating spouse can leave. Behaviour in almost all cases however does not affect the financial settlement as we have "no fault" divorce in that sense in English law.

A single woman who has a relationship with a married man is not breaking any vows or cheating on anybody- as we often read here she is very likely not aware that he is married. Let's not blame women for men's behaviour.
Nothing on this thread is anti men, it's anti infidelity