Page 7 | To have a 10 month old baby in a nursery 5 days a week?

Toomuchworkon · 2021-10-06T05:58:53+00:00

Just been reading another thread where it’s generally agreed this is a lot / potentially too much and I’m all worried now. Honestly, would you be judging me harshly?

Cam2020 · 06/10/2021 13:01

It's really common where I am and no-one would bat an eyelid let alone judge you!

There are some who are rather vocal on MN, but that also applies to any topic on here! I think some SAHMs feel judged or got at and like to get in first with the nastiness. Likewise, there are working parents who feel the same way, and behave just as horribly towards SAHMs. In the real world, I don't thibk people are that bothered about other people's life choices!

SkinnyMirror · 06/10/2021 13:02

Why is that rude? I'm just giving my point of view, grow up a bit

It's incredibly rude. If you can't understand that, then I would suggest it's not me that needs to 'grow up'. I'll hazard a guess that you don't question why men bothered to have a baby when they typically return to work two weeks after it's been born?

Have a baby and seeing it grow everyday it a wonder, I just dont see the point in having one them missing all the good bits

People who use childcare ( including full time childcare) generally still see their child everyday. They still get to see the 'good bits'.
I'm assuming you home school your children? Otherwise you're missing out on the good bits while they're at school.

SkinnyMirror · 06/10/2021 13:04

You mean while they are asleep?!

That definitely counts as a good bit in my book!! I had a baby that refused to nap and hardly slept so sleep was the goal!

HandScreen · 06/10/2021 13:04

Yep, we put both of our children in full time from 7 months. They were delighted and formed strong bonds with their care givers there. Very happy, secure children (now 7 and 4).

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 06/10/2021 13:04

I agree very much with posters saying it’s not just about being around all the time for the first few years. Parenting is about the long haul. Older children need their parents around too. Sometimes more so. And my own experience with my teenage daughters, who endured some significant challenges (a life threatening illness for one of them) is that actually when they were very young other people were able to fulfil many of their needs as well as I could, but that when DD1 was hospitalised, aged 16, for weeks it really was only me she wanted with her (despite having a really good relationship with her dad and grandparents). Similarly there have been some things for DD2 and for DS that they look to me exclusively for now they are older.

So, having come back to this thread, despite my view that both parents working full time with a 10 month old is a bit of a tough gig for you all, if you are still reading OP I suppose it’s worth saying, don’t panic, you don’t have to fit all your “best” parenting into these short pre-school years. Some of the stuff I’m most glad of having done for my children is around the support I have given them in their teenage years.

scully29 · 06/10/2021 13:06

Im surprised about all the anger against those of us who make the choice to stay at home with our little ones? Why is that? I chose to take a career break and stay as to me it feels right. There is no way id put a child in that much that young, but everyone is different and I dont judge so didnt expect so many people to be judging this life choice. For me it is a time with them you will never get back and I want to be there for as much as I can be. Everyone is different though and have different views, different circumstances, different career etc so its not a straight comparing of life choices.
People have raised the very valid point of the dads career - has he been in his role long enough to negotiate part time hours? Could that work?

HandScreen · 06/10/2021 13:06

I totally wouldn't go part time if I were you, either. Why on earth would you? A sense of guilt? Enjoy your job and let your kids enjoy nursery.

RobinPenguins · 06/10/2021 13:07

@scully29

Im surprised about all the anger against those of us who make the choice to stay at home with our little ones? Why is that? I chose to take a career break and stay as to me it feels right. There is no way id put a child in that much that young, but everyone is different and I dont judge so didnt expect so many people to be judging this life choice. For me it is a time with them you will never get back and I want to be there for as much as I can be. Everyone is different though and have different views, different circumstances, different career etc so its not a straight comparing of life choices. People have raised the very valid point of the dads career - has he been in his role long enough to negotiate part time hours? Could that work?

I don’t see any anger at those who chose to stay at home or go part time. But I think anger at people who spout things like “why bother having a child” is justified.

toolazytothinkofausername · 06/10/2021 13:08

Depends on the nursery. Does it have a high turn over of staff? What is the size of the garden? Is it have a stimulating curriculum?

I think it is fine if it is a good nursery :)

bowlingalleyblues · 06/10/2021 13:08

I think it’s better for young children to be cared for by their family. But YANBU to do it if it works for you and I wouldn’t judge you for it because it’s none of my business, and not exactly unusual. YABU to expect mumsnetters to all agree with you.

RobinPenguins · 06/10/2021 13:10

Speaking of being bizarre and bitter.

About what? I didn’t use full time childcare. I just don’t feel the need to criticise others who do.

RevolvingPivot · 06/10/2021 13:14

Mine were both home with me until they were 3 and and then they went 3 hours a day.

I preferred that. Some would hate it or don't have that choice.

Anordinarymum · 06/10/2021 13:15

Skinnymirror

'Do you say this about men who have had children?'

I was answering the OP not you

TheVeryHungryTortoise · 06/10/2021 13:17

My now three year old started nursery full time at 9 months old. We didn't have family nearby to help and both had to get back to work. I felt a fair amount of Mum guilt initially, but he absolutely thrived there and I would do it all over again given the choice. He's such a happy, social little man now who will interact with everyone. Also, as he is currently an only child (and probably will remain so) it has helped him learn how to share and take turns in a way that would have been much more difficult to teach at home. He has a great relationship with me and my husband and we get to enjoy fun weekend adventures together without being burnout out from parenting all week!

1forAll74 · 06/10/2021 13:17

I would not be happy about it, having said that. my children were never put into any nurseries at all.

pointythings · 06/10/2021 13:17

@OrganicBagel

You don't miss all the good bits. What nonsense. You're still with them 128 hours a week.

You mean while they are asleep?!

Yes, actually. The night feeds were pretty precious in terms of baby time. Also being there for them when they were unwell, teething etc. - when they needed me most. Cuddling the 3yo after nightmares, that sort of thing. Things working parents actually do too.

Ohpulltheotherone · 06/10/2021 13:19

Firstly no I wouldn’t judge you.
Secondly it is NOTHING to do with anyone else.

Here’s a little exercise -

Write down a list of the people you who you really value their opinion and whom matters to you.

Those are the people who you may wish to consult for an opinion. I shouldn’t imagine anyone you highly respect is going to tell you that your choices are wrong. As they will know what YOUR situation is. And that’s all that matters.

I bet strangers MN or school gate mums are not on that list. Therefore = they do not matter

SkinnyMirror · 06/10/2021 13:19

@scully29

Im surprised about all the anger against those of us who make the choice to stay at home with our little ones? Why is that? I chose to take a career break and stay as to me it feels right. There is no way id put a child in that much that young, but everyone is different and I dont judge so didnt expect so many people to be judging this life choice. For me it is a time with them you will never get back and I want to be there for as much as I can be. Everyone is different though and have different views, different circumstances, different career etc so its not a straight comparing of life choices. People have raised the very valid point of the dads career - has he been in his role long enough to negotiate part time hours? Could that work?

I'm not seeing nay anger aimed at parents who have chosen to stay at home.

What I am seeing ( as per usual) are some very insulting comments aimed at women, and it most definitely is aimed at women, who have chosen to work full time.

I may have missed it, but has anyone suggested women cut back on luxuries yet? Because we all know men work to provide for their family but women work for cars, shoes, handbags and holidays......

SkinnyMirror · 06/10/2021 13:21

@Anordinarymum

*Skinnymirror*

'Do you say this about men who have had children?'

I was answering the OP not you

I'll take that as a no then!

If you're going to make comments like that on a public forum then don't be surprised when that gets challenged.

pointythings · 06/10/2021 13:21

40 hours in nursery is almost 50% of a baby's time out of their daytime hours. It's not a trivial amount.

You do know they also nap in nursery, don't you? If you're going to be persnickety about sleep time, be consistent about it.

Ideally I'd have worked part time. But that wasn't available when mine were little, and we needed two incomes for those trivial luxuries like heat, food, a roof over our head. That didn't make us worse parents. Nor does staying at home make anyone a worse parent.

I notice the ones judging OP on this thread are the SAHM brigade, not those of us who put our DC in nursery.

Heronwatcher · 06/10/2021 13:26

I think that personally it is a lot and amongst my friends and family (largely working professionals) I don’t know anyone who has done it. But it depends on the hours, the setting and the child. My kids have always benefitted from more time with me or my partner where possible- and for us both of us went part time so that the kids were only ever in nursery for 3 days a week, but this was 3 long days (9-6pm). We managed with a bit less money but it was the best decision for us and I loved having the kids at home. From what you’ve said it sounds as though this isn’t long term plan anyway? I think short term if you have to it I wouldn’t worry, but maybe plan for something that’s going to work long term (for example, will you want a child in wrap care every day when they start school- because that’s truly brutal).

SkinnyMirror · 06/10/2021 13:31

I think short term if you have to it I wouldn’t worry, but maybe plan for something that’s going to work long term (for example, will you want a child in wrap care every day when they start school- because that’s truly brutal)

It really isn't!
We don't use wrap around care everyday but i know those that do and there's nothing brutal about it! They bloody love it. I keep joking to my DS should get commission because he's always trying to get more people to attend because he loves it so much.

Incidentally, one of the reasons we only use it 2/3 days a week is because i went back to work full time, got promoted and can now work very flexibly at an age when my DS really needs that.

LaProcureure · 06/10/2021 13:36

My youngest two were in full time from 6/7 months. My youngest is the most confident, agreeable, pleasant child imaginable. He quite genuinely loved the entertainment of it from the start!

My daughter I was less sure about, I hated sending her and she seemed less naturally enthusiastic about it. But has it done her any harm? I really don’t think so. She is again, very self-confident, very close to me and her dad and but very independent and absolutely LOVES school. So whilst the emotional part of me feel a bit sad at the thought of my little babies in nursery, the rational part knows it was fine!

Anordinarymum · 06/10/2021 13:43

@SkinnyMirror

I think short term if you have to it I wouldn’t worry, but maybe plan for something that’s going to work long term (for example, will you want a child in wrap care every day when they start school- because that’s truly brutal)

It really isn't!
We don't use wrap around care everyday but i know those that do and there's nothing brutal about it! They bloody love it. I keep joking to my DS should get commission because he's always trying to get more people to attend because he loves it so much.

Incidentally, one of the reasons we only use it 2/3 days a week is because i went back to work full time, got promoted and can now work very flexibly at an age when my DS really needs that.

Seriously - you are overinvesting in this thread. There is always one

SkinnyMirror · 06/10/2021 13:49

Seriously - you are overinvesting in this thread. There is always one

Haha you don't even know me.
Are you pissed off because I called out your disgusting comment?

I do take an interest in these types of threads because this topic links directly to an area I teach, research and write about. So I'll stay invested thanks very much.