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Original poster

Big row about expensive belt

456 replies

PegorySpeck · 05/10/2021 20:31

DS 17 loves expensive clothes and designer labels. He currently wants a Louis Vuitton belt which costs £400. His Dad and I think it’s ridiculous to spend this amount of money on a belt. He asked us if he could have it for Christmas we said no. He knows our budget for him and his brother is £500 each so he has asked why as it’s within budget. We have responded because it’s a ridiculous waste of money.

He has a part time job and earns about £150 per week. He has just taken on an extra shift because he wants extra money for the belt. His Dad is going mad at him saying how stupid it is, but I guess it’s his money and therefore his choice.

He has now said we are completely unreasonable and have no right to tell him what he can do with his money. It’s all blown up into a massive argument and no-one is talking. He is now saying we are favouring his brother as we have already got his Christmas present which cost £500 which he saw arrive in the post a few days ago.

I don’t know how I can fix this? What should I do?

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 05/10/2021 22:14

A PS 5 is more of a waste in a way. Obsolete in a couple of years time while your son might be wearing the belt in 10 years.

Though if it is the one a PP posted earlier on, he may grow out of it. I think most of us realised at a fairly young age that designer items with logos splashed all over them don't look expensive, but quite the opposite.

MyDogLovesBiscuits · 05/10/2021 22:15

If he grows out of it or his tastes change he can sell it on in future, his brother wouldn't make nearly as much selling a used PS5 in as many years Wink

godmum56 · 05/10/2021 22:16

If that's what he REALLY wants, then why would you spend the money you would spend on him on something he doesn't really want because you think its better value? I could get it if it was more than you would spend but honestly it seems to me to be getting a bit overblown....
When I was 11, the only thing I wanted for christmas was a bureau type desk...the kind with a drop leaf front. My parents thought I was crazy but I convinced them I was serious so they said that I could have it but it would be the ONLY christmas present I had from them because it was such an expensive thing. Anyway I went window shopping with Mum and we found the one I wanted...tat's more or less 55 years ago and I have still got the bureau and I still use it. Its not some great antique, its basically stained plywood with some veneer but i love it....so maybe I am biased.

RussianSpy101 · 05/10/2021 22:16

YABU. He has asked for a particular gift within the budget you have set. Why buy him cheaper things to make up the budget when you already know what he wants? Just because he has different taste to you, doesn’t mean you can disregard them.

Bounce55 · 05/10/2021 22:17

If you can't physically bring yourself to buy it then give him the money so that he can buy it.
It's what he wants, his brother has got what he asked for so why can't he have what he's asked for?
I'm sure you and your H wouldn't take too kindly to someone asking you what you would like and then retracting it because they don't agree with the cost.
Either compromise and give him half toward it or just buy it for him
He's 17, if he's that much into his designer stuff he's going to take pride in wearing it and will look after it
And his wages are his to spend how he wishesnot for you to dictate on what he buys__

sjxoxo · 05/10/2021 22:17

I agree you aren’t obliged to buy it for him if you think it’s a daft gift… however.. he should be able to buy it for himself if he has earnt that money. I think there are two sides to this:

  1. you are reasonable in that he needs to understand the value of money- if he has rent/food etc to pay for as an adult for example obviously he needs to carefully consider his purchases! I understand this as a worry for the future.
  2. a controversial one here- yes it’s expensive. But- it’s a high quality purchase that will hold its value. If you spent £400 on adidas/ASOS/jd sports or another cheap/high street brand; it might last a few years, and also ethically perhaps not as solid.. This is the sort of item that is designed last a lifetime, and will hold value very well. Some might see designer purchases as shallow; but there is also a ‘longevity’ element which I increasingly think is not silly- items to last, in a world of fast cheap fashion & labour; pieces from brands like LV are often handmade and keep skill sets alive in acceptable conditions rather than in sweatshops. I think that’s worth considering! As long as he is not forcing you to buy him a new school bag every month out of vanity Xo
Cornettoninja · 05/10/2021 22:18

You told him the budget and he told you what he’d like within that - I’d get it and not offer the option of choosing himself in the future if it causes such issues.

Tbh, it’s a Christmas gift, gifts are meant to be a treat and if you can’t be frivolous with a gift what can you be frivolous with?

Start charging him housekeeping though.

Viviennemary · 05/10/2021 22:18

I agred with you. Its a ridiculous extravagance for a 17 year old. But earning £150 a week is a lot for a part-time job at 17 with nothing better to do with the money but spend it like this. I wouldn't be happy either.

Bluntness100 · 05/10/2021 22:19

Personally I think if you set a budget for Xmas it’s a bit cunty to then say what that can anc cannot be spent on.

If you want to charge him rent do so, but if it’s a summer job that isn’t great isn’t it. You may not approve of his choices but you don’t get to control how he spends his money. He’s not five,

Cornettoninja · 05/10/2021 22:19

Just to add I would also be inclined to take the piss out of him wearing a £400 belt and having to get the bus…

toocold54 · 05/10/2021 22:20

No way would I spend that kind of money on a belt!
But I’d absolutely let him buy it with his own money - you could even offer to put half towards it as part of his Xmas present.

Part of growing up is making these decisions about money and how to budget. If he wants to waste his money then let him, it will make him happy for a while and teach him a valuable lesson on how trying to impress other people will eventually leave you broke.

SoftSheen · 05/10/2021 22:23

You don't need to buy him the belt if you don't want to.

You can't dictate to him how to spend money he's earned himself.

Original poster
PegorySpeck · 05/10/2021 22:23

@thenightsky

So what are you planning to get him if not the belt??
There’s loads of other stuff he’d like, I’d already bought him a tracksuit he really wanted (£180), bottle of expensive vodka, he wanted a pair of trainers which are about £150, there’s loads of other stuff I can and have bought him which I know he’ll like so that’s not really an issue
OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 05/10/2021 22:24

Hang on, you’d rather buy him vodka than a belt??

Abigail12345654321 · 05/10/2021 22:25

@Hugoslavia

I would explain to him the true cost of the belt. Break down the cost in terms of marketing, experience shop rents and fittings, staff wages etc and production costs. Also how he is being manipulated into advertising another companies goods for free. And then harp on about being a sheep and not defining himself by labels. If he still wants it and saves up for it himself, then fine, but definitely don't buy it for him. It's a ridiculous waste of your hard earned money.
Yes and every time he spots a new item of branded food in your kitchen, linen on your beds, cars in your driveway, plants in your garden - he should do the same and compare it to the cheapest alternative you could have purchased instead!

What a fun household that would be……

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 05/10/2021 22:25

@MrsRobbieHart

Hang on, you’d rather buy him vodka than a belt??
And a tracksuit rather than a belt??
StoneofDestiny · 05/10/2021 22:26

Parallel universe.
I'd not buy the belt. I'd spend a lot of time telling him why and hope he saw sense. If he still did it I'd cut the budget for Christmas (which seems huge to me) and leave him to use his own money on such trivial extravagances.
I'd also tell him that when he is just a few years older he will be embarrassed to be flaunting labels so obviously and he'd be annoyed that he will see so many indistinguishable fakes about.

PaperhouseLegs · 05/10/2021 22:26

So you object to a belt...but not expensive vodka at 17?! Is this a wind up post?

Abigail12345654321 · 05/10/2021 22:26

@PegorySpeck

Ah so you’ve already used a lot of the Christmas gift budget? Does he know that?

Beautiful3 · 05/10/2021 22:27

Let him have it. Its within budget. Its no different to.buying a daughter a designer handbag. Who's to decide thagsbits waste full? It might last him the next 10 years. I would get it a bit bigger so it lasts him years. Can always punch extra holes in it, but cannot make it bigger!

MyCatIsAFuckwit · 05/10/2021 22:29

25 years ago I spent £90 on a Lacoste, black, long sleeve polo shirt that I thought was the dogs bollocks.
4x through the wash and it looked like a rag and an expensive life lesson was had.
Best these lessons are learned in relative youth.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 05/10/2021 22:29

I would get it a bit bigger so it lasts him years

Surely a 17 year old is the size he should remain for the rest of his life?

tigger1001 · 05/10/2021 22:30

@CrazylazyJane

Completely understand you not wanting to buy him it for Christmas but I think you're bang out of order for telling him what he can and can't spend his wages on. You said he's taken on extra work to afford it, so clearly he thinks the belt is worth it and has put a lot of thought in to it.
Completely agree with this.

I wouldn't buy the belt for my kids, but if it was important enough to them to take on extra shifts to save for it, I would be proud of them. It shows that they appreciate the cost of it, and the amount of hours needed to work to pay for it.

TheOriginalMrsMoss · 05/10/2021 22:30

Buy him the belt he loves that will make him happy, is within your stated budget and is something he will keep for a long time.

What is the alternative? Buy him lots of stuff he doesn't want?

I have bought my sons expensive items in similar circumstances that I would not have chosen myself but they were gifts for them not me. In every case when it was something they really liked and longed for it made them happy.

LynetteScavo · 05/10/2021 22:30

I wouldn't buy him the belt, but then I wouldn't buy him vodka either.

If he didn't have a part time job I might consider it, but he's able to earn the money for it, so if he really wants the belt he'll buy it with money he's earned.

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