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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Big row about expensive belt

456 replies

PegorySpeck · 05/10/2021 20:31

DS 17 loves expensive clothes and designer labels. He currently wants a Louis Vuitton belt which costs £400. His Dad and I think it’s ridiculous to spend this amount of money on a belt. He asked us if he could have it for Christmas we said no. He knows our budget for him and his brother is £500 each so he has asked why as it’s within budget. We have responded because it’s a ridiculous waste of money.

He has a part time job and earns about £150 per week. He has just taken on an extra shift because he wants extra money for the belt. His Dad is going mad at him saying how stupid it is, but I guess it’s his money and therefore his choice.

He has now said we are completely unreasonable and have no right to tell him what he can do with his money. It’s all blown up into a massive argument and no-one is talking. He is now saying we are favouring his brother as we have already got his Christmas present which cost £500 which he saw arrive in the post a few days ago.

I don’t know how I can fix this? What should I do?

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 05/10/2021 21:52

If he is meant to be saving but is blowing his money on alcohol and trying to create a designer label image then no wonder you're irritated by his decision to prioritise a £400 belt.

You can't tell him what to spend his wages on. If he chooses to spend his money on silly belts rather than save for a car, the natural consequence is he doesn't get to use mum as a taxi service. If h hasn't the money do to various things because he wanted alcohol, take aways and expensive clothes then I'd not be helping him out in this areas.

TractorAndHeadphones · 05/10/2021 21:52

Your Christmas budget is £500 per kid and you’re worried about wasting money?!?£?
Get a grip it’s you who have raised him like that

hippychick10 · 05/10/2021 21:54

@bravelittlepenguin

You spend £500 per child at Christmas?!
I easily spend that on each of my children! If we can afford it then why not? Doesn't make them any less hateful because of the amount of money we can afford
DukeofEarlGrey · 05/10/2021 21:54

The difference between saving for a car or spending on booze, belts etc. is that a car is usually another step towards independence.

spotcheck · 05/10/2021 21:54

OP
What are you hoping he'll learn about money?

He's offered to pay, you've said no. Even though it would teach him a valuable lesson either way.

You are prepared ( I assume) to buy him crap he's not interested in, just for the sake of it.

I'm flummoxed that you would spend so much on a game console, but not on something that will also bring your child happiness.

A lot of cost over value going on here.

Hugoslavia · 05/10/2021 21:54

I would explain to him the true cost of the belt. Break down the cost in terms of marketing, experience shop rents and fittings, staff wages etc and production costs. Also how he is being manipulated into advertising another companies goods for free. And then harp on about being a sheep and not defining himself by labels. If he still wants it and saves up for it himself, then fine, but definitely don't buy it for him. It's a ridiculous waste of your hard earned money.

LadyMuckington · 05/10/2021 21:54

YABU, it’s within budget so why not? My Mum bought me my first designer bag for my 21st birthday and I love it and still cherish it, more than anything else she has ever bought me.

ViceLikeBlip · 05/10/2021 21:56

@QuestionEverythingBaby

Of course it matters what it's on: laptop for school, accessories for a productive hobby like sport/art/culture etc - fine.

Tacky belt - hell no.

So you dictate what gift you would buy someone, it's not their choice? Wow Hmm

I absolutely 100% dictate the presents I buy people with my own money!! A gift is offered, not demanded.

I can't imagine how anyone could be happy or grateful to open a present that you knew your parents didn't want to buy.

maz82 · 05/10/2021 21:56

I has exactly the same with my dd. She wanted a gucci belt for Christmas and I refused. I did in the end give her a contribution to it. She bought it and has worn it so many times. She loves it! If uts what he has asked for then I would say get it for him or contribute. It's his Christmas present at the end of the day.

BurntO · 05/10/2021 21:57

I wouldn’t get it. YABU for getting angry over what he spends his own money on though

Sommernacht89 · 05/10/2021 21:57

Goodness, rich people and their money problems.....it always feels a bit sickly....

flippertyop · 05/10/2021 21:58

@FatBettyintheCoop I would be delighted if my kids invested in some lovely designer gear and aspires to buy more for themselves in the future. Different strokes eh?

TatianaBis · 05/10/2021 22:00

I easily spend that on each of my children! If we can afford it then why not?

That is so not the point. We could easily afford it, but my kids have 3 houses, holidays, independent school fees, music lessons + instruments, there is no way on earth they are getting presents of £500. If they want that kind of money they have to earn it.

MyDogLovesBiscuits · 05/10/2021 22:01

Do you have a DH problem OP?

PS5 is equally frivolous to the designer belt - they'll probably get similar use out of them though at least and will probably hold similar value for at least a few years, then the belt will hold better value than the console after that. So belt is a better investment overall than a PS5.

So yes I can see your DS's point about you seeming to favour the other DC in relation to the presents this year.

As PP say if you are still subsidising his lifestyle by taxiing him around while he is supposed to be saving to drive and is spending his money then you have a slight point, but these issues with his priorities should have been addressed already.

If you haven't talked to him about it why not? If you are his taxi service, stop ferrying him around until he starts paying for lessons, he can walk/cycle/bus till then. I'm not sure the way you spend so much at Christmas doesn't play a part in an attitude like that though, sorry.

He won't see the budgeting and other financial considerations you do internally, he'll just see you dropping a tonne of cash on the holidays (birthdays too?), and just see frivolous spending I think. 17YO's are not the most financially responsible or observant and sometimes they have to just live in the real world and fall flat on their faces before it sinks in.

TatianaBis · 05/10/2021 22:02

@QuestionEverythingBaby

So you dictate what gift you would buy someone, it's not their choice? Wow Hmm

Damn right I do.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 05/10/2021 22:03

I don't think this is a hill to die on especially when you have wasted a small fortune on a computer game console for his brother. That will be outdated long before the belt will.

I agree that you either need to compromise or you need to swallow it and buy the belt.

Sorry

WhatAShilohPitt · 05/10/2021 22:03

@HappyDays101010

Are you scared he’s gay. Is that why your DH has over reacted to this?
What on earth are you on about?
HelloDulling · 05/10/2021 22:06

I can't imagine how anyone could be happy or grateful to open a present that you knew your parents didn't want to buy.

I can’t imagine watching my child opening a £500 present that I had bought, knowing that it was not what they had wanted. That is truly a waste of money.

PigletJohn · 05/10/2021 22:06

@Flavabobble

Whilst I think spending £400 on a belt is overkill - what are you buying his brother, and is he likely to still have it in 10 years? 'Cos I bet he'd still have the belt.
but he'll probably be too fat to buckle it.
QuestionEverythingBaby · 05/10/2021 22:10

[quote TatianaBis]@QuestionEverythingBaby

So you dictate what gift you would buy someone, it's not their choice? Wow Hmm

Damn right I do.[/quote]

So little children shouldn't write a list for Father Christmas of things they would like? They should just get what they're given?
Or a wish list for a wedding you ignore and get the married couple what you deem they should have?
OP's DS would get what YOU want not what he wants? Okaaaaay.

How miserable.

In4mation · 05/10/2021 22:11

Charge him rent and save it up for him.

Maybe tell him that whatever amount he manages to save for the car, you’ll match from the rent money.

Let him use/waste his own earning on what he wants. It’s his money, but give him the incentive above.

OnTheBoardwalk · 05/10/2021 22:12

Eh so he knows the Christmas budget for him is £500 and that’s what you’ve spent on his brother. He asks fir something within budget and you say no

In my family we’ve agreed to stop buying loads of cheap stuff fir Christmas and just buy one gift someone really wants. This fits in this category

So after you buy him something fir Christmas he really doesn’t want you then complain he’s working extra shifts to buy himself what he really wants?

Makes no sense

MrsRobbieHart · 05/10/2021 22:12

I would explain to him the true cost of the belt. Break down the cost in terms of marketing, experience shop rents and fittings, staff wages etc and production costs. Also how he is being manipulated into advertising another companies goods for free. And then harp on about being a sheep and not defining himself by labels.

😂😂😂

What a joyless life you must lead.

cakecakecheese · 05/10/2021 22:12

Buy him a PS5 and give him the receipt Wink

But yeah it does seem a bit unfair that a belt is deemed a waste of money over anything else that could also be considered frivolous.

BrainPotter · 05/10/2021 22:12

Ridiculous waste of money - yes.
Within budget for Xmas present - yes.

Buy him the belt! It would be more wasteful to buy him something for £500 that he doesn’t want.

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