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Original poster

Big row about expensive belt

456 replies

PegorySpeck · 05/10/2021 20:31

DS 17 loves expensive clothes and designer labels. He currently wants a Louis Vuitton belt which costs £400. His Dad and I think it’s ridiculous to spend this amount of money on a belt. He asked us if he could have it for Christmas we said no. He knows our budget for him and his brother is £500 each so he has asked why as it’s within budget. We have responded because it’s a ridiculous waste of money.

He has a part time job and earns about £150 per week. He has just taken on an extra shift because he wants extra money for the belt. His Dad is going mad at him saying how stupid it is, but I guess it’s his money and therefore his choice.

He has now said we are completely unreasonable and have no right to tell him what he can do with his money. It’s all blown up into a massive argument and no-one is talking. He is now saying we are favouring his brother as we have already got his Christmas present which cost £500 which he saw arrive in the post a few days ago.

I don’t know how I can fix this? What should I do?

OP posts:
willithappen · 05/10/2021 21:39

@ViceLikeBlip

I 100% would not spend that sort of money on a belt as a present, no matter how much he thought he wanted it.

You can't stop him spending his own wages on it though. But I think you're fully entitled to tell him you think it's ridiculous.

£500 seems like an enormous present budget to me anyway though. He doesn't seem to have much idea of the value of money, or that presents are a luxury not a right.

I disagree. Offering to do EXTRA shifts to purchase the belt himself shows a much larger sense of money than asking for as a present. However if I saw my brother/sister getting a PlayStation and know the price of this/the price parents were telling me then of course I'd ask for something I actually wanted if it seemed in the price range they were paying
ViceLikeBlip · 05/10/2021 21:39

@TatianaBis

I've just remembered that my first car cost £400 in 1989.
My most recent car cost £800 in 2021 🤣🤣
SnoopyLights · 05/10/2021 21:40

I think you are being unreasonable to some extent.

You have a budget for presents and this one is within it. It might be impractical and feel like a waste of money to you, but it's what he wants and if he's going to wear it often it's better than spending £500 on something he doesn't want and might not use. It's his present, better to get him a present he will love than something he doesn't want.

I can see your point about him spending money he's supposed to be saving from his job. But that is a separate issue, and if you've agreed not to charge him rent so he can save, and he's not saving, you need to reestablish that boundary with him, but keep it separate from his Christmas present and accept that even if you are charging him rent, he might not save the rest of his wages and buy the belt or anything else he wants anyway.

MrsRobbieHart · 05/10/2021 21:40

He'll learn soon enough he won't be able to have a car won't he.

Why won’t he? He’s earning £250 a week.

ViceLikeBlip · 05/10/2021 21:41

@willithappen there's a big difference between asking and demanding (and/or throwing a strop when told "no") though.

PinkiOcelot · 05/10/2021 21:42

Let him buy it himself. Let him think about the 2+ weeks he’s worked to buy it. Hopefully one of these days he’ll realise how absolutely ridiculous that was.

Practicebeingpatient · 05/10/2021 21:42

We bit our tongues and let our daughters make some expensive mistakes with their pt job money when they were that age. Better they learn their lesson when still young than when they have financial responsibilities.

Of course it might be that buying the belt or having it as his main present won't be an expensive lesson for your DS. It might end up being the perfect purchase he thinks it will be. It could cement his taste for designer items and he could continue to value them and purchase them all his life. If that's the case you will have to accept that your son has different tastes to you - something my own mum still struggles with even though I am now in my sixties.

Knittedfairies · 05/10/2021 21:42

I wouldn't spend that much money on a belt but you gave him a budget and he asked for what he wanted within it. If he'd asked for cash you might well be annoyed if he 'wasted' it on a designer item, but he'd have his belt.

FreedomFaith · 05/10/2021 21:42

@Orangejuicemarathoner

I would suggest you apologise to him, and say you have taken on board his point of view - you dont agree its worth it, but you DO agree its his money and his choice.

I would suggest you offer him a proportion of his Christmas budget towards the belt. Is there something else you want to give him? How about if you spend £300 on other gifts, and give him £200 cash? and say it can go on the belt if that is what he wants to do

This. Yes it's a waste of money, but if he wants to make stupid choices, let him. He'll learn eventually. Don't subsidise him though, if he comes to you asking for money because he bought it, that's his issue and he needs to sell stuff.
elfycat · 05/10/2021 21:43

I'd get him the belt. It's what he wants and it's within budget. My DDs are younger and are just beginning to spend their own money (GoHenry cards) and one thing they've worked out already is that money can only be spent once and when it's gone it's gone, even if you want the next thing more than the item you already own.

Why is your opinion on what's worth spending money on more valid than his?

But if you aren't getting it, and he's saving for it then that is none of your business. He'll be a fully fledged adult withing the year - long past time to let HIM cut the apron strings.

DD1 wants $1500 mechanical angel wings for Xmas - that is over budget, but will discuss with DH (engineer) if we might be able to make a pair within budget

Lou98 · 05/10/2021 21:43

@GetMeOut22

Your last post is quite important, that should be in the OP. So he's supposed to be saving for a car- why? Is the consequence of not buying a car that you still need to drive him around? If so, you absolutely have a say in how he spends his money. He can't blow his money on a belt and expect his mummy to chauffeur him around.

She still shouldn't get a say - if that was the case then of course they could tell him they won't be driving him around anymore (and following through) - but they still can't tell him he needs to buy a car instead of a belt, that's still his choice as it's his earned money

Valenciaoranges · 05/10/2021 21:45

I bought my daughter a Gucci belt and it has lasted far longer than any other belt - it’s still like new over 4 years later. She has two designer bags, shoes etc. I don’t see the problem if you can afford it.

martingrowler · 05/10/2021 21:45

I'd get him the belt. What does it matter what it is if it makes him happy. My friend's son is in to models like Star Wars etc. And spends a bloody fortune on them. I'd rather a belt as at least it has a use but who cares really. My kids think my puzzles and casserole dishes are a waste of money 👵🏼

Be pleased he's nit spinning all his money at the pub (or far worse!)

nameswap48 · 05/10/2021 21:45

I wouldn't buy it for him for Christmas, I just couldnt bring myself to. But if he wants to earn the money himself and buy it then good for him, I wonder if he will actually want it after all those shifts but either way that's the best way for him to understand the value of money and it's true cost.

FreedomFaith · 05/10/2021 21:45

Also if he is saving for a car, are you driving him places or letting him borrow your car? If so, stop doing that. He needs to start taking some responsibility.

Moonshine5 · 05/10/2021 21:45

Have purchased said belt, more than once.
I think it's a great gift, it won't date or age. It's not about buying "just a leather belt".
You can buy a quality steak from Lidl so why do people go to restaurants? You can watch movies at home, why go to the cinema?
Likely he will remember forever that his parents got it for him.

ViceLikeBlip · 05/10/2021 21:47

The whole thing feels a bit Dudley Dursley ("36? But last year there were 37 presents!!") I always thought that if someone buys you a present, you take what you're given, and you pretend to be grateful for it 🤷‍♀️

DeadButDelicious · 05/10/2021 21:47

If he's working extra shifts in order to buy it for himself and it won't mean he has to borrow money to get through the month or whatever then I don't think you or your DH gets to tell him what to spend his money on. It may not be what you would do, you can think it's a waste but if it's what he wants and he's willing to work for it and not let other things slide, I'd let him be. Designer items are an investment to some people and as others have said Louis Vuitton tends to increase in value.

That said, if it's what he really wanted I'd buy it as his Christmas present. Why is him wanting an expensive belt a waste but spending a similar amount on a games console not? Both are luxury items. Why is one more worthy than the other?

QuestionEverythingBaby · 05/10/2021 21:47

Of course it matters what it's on: laptop for school, accessories for a productive hobby like sport/art/culture etc - fine.

Tacky belt - hell no.

So you dictate what gift you would buy someone, it's not their choice? Wow Hmm

Rosebel · 05/10/2021 21:48

@PegorySpeck

I think we are just a bit miffed as he is supposed to be saving for a car and he just spends all his money on take aways, Budweiser and expensive clothes and accessories. We purposely don’t charge him any rent to save and he just spends - with these extra shifts he’ll be bringing home over £250 per wk
When you say he's supposed to be saving for a car is that what he wants or what you and your husband want? I'm pretty sure if he really wanted a car he'd save for it. The fact he isn't suggests he doesn't want a car, he wants the belt. I'd have got it for him for Xmas and I certainly wouldn't be telling him how to spend his money, unless he tells you how to spend yours.
flippertyop · 05/10/2021 21:50

Jeez - get him the belt

hippychick10 · 05/10/2021 21:50

@HappyDays101010

Are you scared he’s gay. Is that why your DH has over reacted to this?
Huh? Where on earth did that come from?
WhoWearsShortShorts · 05/10/2021 21:50

@WormYourHonour

Where has he learnt these expensive tastes? And of he wants to keep them up, he must earn them. Then it's time to teach him the value of money, not the cost of things. he's old enough to pay rent, pay toward bills like electric, gas, water, council tax, internet. So on and so on.
Absolutely joyless response
PaperhouseLegs · 05/10/2021 21:51

My 18 year old niece only wears designer (funded by her job in a designer clothes store) and sells clothes and accessories on Depop when she fancies a change or funds to buy something new. She very rarely loses money on anything -usually makes a profit. Buying designer isn't the "waste" some are seeing it as. Surely a quality leather belt he could potentially still be wearing in 25 years is better than a PS5 that will be out of date tech in a few years? I have a tan leather belt inherited from my grandmother...I wear it frequently and it still looks fantastic 50 years on!

thenightsky · 05/10/2021 21:51

So what are you planning to get him if not the belt??

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