To intervene with someone's parenting skills?

[parentinghelp1]

Has anyone ever had a situation where they think someone close to them is failing as a parent?

Do you intervene when you feel the children are at risk of having poor outcomes when they're older (they aren't in danger but I feel they could have issues as adults)

I don't have kids so I know mentioning anything is going to lead to 'you don't know anything because you haven't got kids'

What do you do? Just let people carry on potentially hurting their children and them growing up hurt because of their childhood?

I'm no way is this a judgmental post - I am just worried for the children.

It makes me sad.

Also very scared of ruining relationships by intervening.

What’s making you ask this? I’m guessing there’s a specific situation.

Theres so many situations - I don't want to go into specifics incase outing but they are damaging

What type of poor outcome? Not being on the path to university or not being able to write their own name?

I wouldn't get involved in parenting choices unless there was neglect or abuse.

How do you know they’re damaging? Without any sort of indication what you’re actually observing, it’s impossible to know whether you should keep your nose out or not.

Can you give some examples OP?

Does the parent think they are doing ok or do you think they are struggling and they know they are struggling?
You will ruin the relationship if you criticise their parenting, especially if you don’t have kids (what makes you such an expert?springs to mind).
If you have genuine concerns and think the mum needs help you could ring the GP and speak to the health visitor or speak to the school nurse if they are older kids. They obviously won’t tell you anything, but you can just call and say I have these concerns can someone check it out.

I don't think I would intervene unless the child is being abused or neglected.

Depends if I felt that there was real danger. I did interfere or rather offer firm advice when I saw an acquaintance's grandchild being neglected, I pushed for them to contact the health visitor and they ended up have parenting classes, the child isn't quite where they should be for 7 but has caught up from where they were (I discovered my change that the grandmother was sitting the child in front of the tv from 8-5 each day rather than taking him to nursery even, food was crisps and cans of coke, grandmother has lmild learning difficulties. )

Ok I think I'll just keep out - as there isn't abuse or neglect. Not extreme enough to intervene anyway.

I just know the kids aren't happy - and I think it's the parents as to why.

It depends what it is.

If it is actually dangerous and damaging then you need to consider whether speaking to them will have any chance of success or whether speaking to SS is a better way round.

If it's simply a parenting choice, then you need to be careful. It's unlikely that coming in telling them it's wrong you're very unlikely to get anything other than a breakdown in relationship.
What you can do is ask questions about parts you're concerned about? You may find their answers reassure you, and change your mind. Otoh you may plant a seed of doubt in their mind that may make them think twice about it.

There’a so many situations

Unless your friends are very unusual, this implies seeing situations where you think you’d parent in a different way rather than anything genuinely dangerous

I just know the kids aren't happy - and I think it's the parents as to why.

What is the cause you’ve identified?

@PurpleDaisies it's not dangerous physically but perhaps emotionally could create issues later in life

It’s impossible to advise without any context. Not having children could be relevant - we all probably renege on some of the ways we thought we’d parent. But if you are taking emotional abuse, I’d want to understand what is informing it and consider how to best help. Generally telling people they are parenting badly never ends well, but depends on the severity of the situation whether that is warranted.

[quote parentinghelp1]@PurpleDaisies it's not dangerous physically but perhaps emotionally could create issues later in life [/quote]
What is it?

Could you give an example op?

You're going to need to give some specific examples.... 10 year old playing CoD - meh butt out. 3 year playing in road unsupervised - phone SS.

I'm really sorry I didn't realise I would need to give examples - I completely see why it's hard without them so perhaps I shouldn't have posted. Because examples are too outing.

Sorry I know I'm not helping at all!

I agree with above, without giving any specifics we have no idea if your concerns are justified or not.
Tread very carefully. If I was genuinely concerned about a child’s safeguarding then I speak to my friend openly and honestly or report it depending on the situation. Parenting advice is only welcome when asked for and without having children, unless you know a massive amount about the subject you are discussing, your opinion may be deemed irrelevant.

Ok an examples - constant shouting and I have seen physical situations, never an actual punch or slap but just unnecessary physical force.

Sorry I don't mean 'just' but I hope you understand

A lot of this depends on what you think an
intervention is likely to achieve.

@BiscuitKitten

A lot of this depends on what you think an intervention is likely to achieve.

Massive issues and unlikely a change - but I still feel morally obligated

Verbal abuse? How old is the child? Children?

The children are under 8