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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to offer DH no sympathy

132 replies

Coffee2sugarss · 04/10/2021 21:20

I’m so fucking mad.

DH went out all day to football and then a gig, caught the wrong train home and then got into an argument with some lads on the train. A British Transport Police person seems to have intervened and DH stepped away.

On the train platform (trying to work out a way home) one of the men from the altercation spotted him and punched DH. DH swears he didn’t throw any punches but he now has a fat lip and keeps getting upset that he is going to get arrested or called in for questioning or lose his job.

He says police intervened, took his details and shoved him towards the taxi rank.

AIBU to offer no sympathy at all. DH was stupid enough to get hammered and into these situation he should live with the consequences.

OP posts:

GoodnightGrandma · 04/10/2021 21:22

How much do you believe his story ?

MurielSpriggs · 04/10/2021 21:26

Sounds like victim blaming.

Unanananana · 04/10/2021 21:28

Sounds like there is more to it tbh. If he didn't throw any punches, what is he worried about? Although if he had been witnessed hitting someone, I assume he would have been arrested then and there.

YANBU, hopefully it just a one off and he should have to live with the consequences of his actions. Maybe next time he won't get himself in such a state.

IF its a regular thing, I'd also be reconsidering the relationship. A drunken thug is not attractive.

PlanDeRaccordement · 04/10/2021 21:29

AIBU to offer no sympathy at all. DH was stupid enough to get hammered and into these situation he should live with the consequences.

On the premise that he is not lying.....

Being drunk doesn’t mean you’re at fault if you get assaulted. If your DH were a woman, and instead of being followed and punched after an argument in the train, she were followed and groped, would you be smugly sitting there saying, “Sorry babes, you were stupid enough to get hammered so it’s your fault you were assaulted.”

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2021 21:29

Sounds like bullshit to me.

BurntO · 04/10/2021 21:30

If he’s telling the truth YABU. You know your OH best. Would you feel the same if your child told you this?

Original poster

Coffee2sugarss · 04/10/2021 21:32

I believe him 80-90% - he has always been gobby but I’ve never known him be violent (been together 20 years)
He has never been arrested for anything which is why he is upset.

I wondered why he hadn’t been arrested - I would have thought any stuff like this would mean arrest? Wouldn’t it have been disturbing the peace or something?

OP posts:

Polmuggle · 04/10/2021 21:33

If he's telling the truth then you're being grossly unfair. He was attacked.

You'll be able to tell if he's not by the state of his knuckles

Original poster

Coffee2sugarss · 04/10/2021 21:35

I get you @PlanDeRaccordement - I think I’m so mad because the consequences could have been so much worse - you hear all the time of that one punch being fatal.

And he had been mouthy on the train - he could have stfu and not got into the argument. He wouldn’t have got involved so we would he?

OP posts:

WorriedGiraffe · 04/10/2021 21:36

He IS living with the consequences, and he’s your partner and hopefully friend, why wouldn’t you be capable of sympathy for him? Must be rubbish making a few mistakes, worrying about the consequences and then having your own partner be horrible about it.

Original poster

Coffee2sugarss · 04/10/2021 21:36

@Polmuggle He’s asleep in the armchair (not been able to sleep for 2 nights apparently) I’ll go look

OP posts:

RoseRedRoseBlue · 04/10/2021 21:39

Wow, what a cold hearted and nasty post.

Original poster

Coffee2sugarss · 04/10/2021 21:40

No marks on his knuckles, nothing on his arms either.

OP posts:

Lou98 · 04/10/2021 21:40

DH was stupid enough to get hammered and into these situation he should live with the consequences.

Presuming he's not lying, YABU - would you say that about a woman that had been attacked?

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2021 21:44

@Coffee2sugarss

I believe him 80-90% - he has always been gobby but I’ve never known him be violent (been together 20 years) He has never been arrested for anything which is why he is upset.

I wondered why he hadn’t been arrested - I would have thought any stuff like this would mean arrest? Wouldn’t it have been disturbing the peace or something?

Then you're 10-20% victim blaming.

If someone punched you in the face, would you expect to be arrested for disturbing the peace?

Unanananana · 04/10/2021 21:44

@Lou98

DH was stupid enough to get hammered and into these situation he should live with the consequences.

Presuming he's not lying, YABU - would you say that about a woman that had been attacked?

Yes, I would if she 'had been mouthy on the train' like the OP said her husband had been. The same would apply.

If you are going to get so smashed that you are gobbing off at people on trains, then there will probably be consequences.

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2021 21:44

@RoseRedRoseBlue

Wow, what a cold hearted and nasty post.

Isn't it though.

Lou98 · 04/10/2021 21:47

@Unanananana she actually just said that he'd gotten in to an argument on the train - she never said how it started/what happened.

They were already off the train and argument left, the man then came and punched him. Him being drunk isn't an excuse to blame him.

She said in a comment after that he can sometimes be gobby but you have no idea if that was the case here

Original poster

Coffee2sugarss · 04/10/2021 21:48

I’m in a difficult position here how do I be supportive without looking like I condone it? (Getting hammered and being mouthy)

OP posts:

PlanDeRaccordement · 04/10/2021 21:48

And he had been mouthy on the train - he could have stfu and not got into the argument. He wouldn’t have got involved so we would he?

You’re assuming he started the argument? On what basis? And even if he did, how does that mean he deserved to be physically assaulted? And how do you know that him being silent would have prevented the assault? Has he said what started it all?

Sarahlou63 · 04/10/2021 21:48

Just wow. Hope you never need his support when you fall off your pedestal.

Holskey · 04/10/2021 21:49

@Coffee2sugarss

I get you *@PlanDeRaccordement* - I think I’m so mad because the consequences could have been so much worse - you hear all the time of that one punch being fatal.

And he had been mouthy on the train - he could have stfu and not got into the argument. He wouldn’t have got involved so we would he?

Your OP doesn't read like this at all. I would be mad at my dp if I felt he had put himself in danger too, even if he wasn't truly to blame. Just the upset of it all. Your OP reads like you don't care.

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2021 21:49

@Coffee2sugarss

I’m in a difficult position here how do I be supportive without looking like I condone it? (Getting hammered and being mouthy)

If you have to ask that question about a victim of assault, I wouldn't bother.

Save your fake sympathy for someone you actually care about.

Unanananana · 04/10/2021 21:53

[quote Lou98]@Unanananana she actually just said that he'd gotten in to an argument on the train - she never said how it started/what happened.

They were already off the train and argument left, the man then came and punched him. Him being drunk isn't an excuse to blame him.

She said in a comment after that he can sometimes be gobby but you have no idea if that was the case here [/quote]
She literally said this And he had been mouthy on the train - he could have stfu and not got into the argument. He wouldn’t have got involved so we would he?

Drunks are not known for their common sense. Of course some bloke he had been gobbing off at was going to come after him. Its a common scene in late evenings on many highstreets, train stations, and taxi ranks. A man in my area killed another man with one punch in such a situation.

He was mouthy because he was drunk. Maybe next time he'll think again before getting so pissed.

Original poster

Coffee2sugarss · 04/10/2021 21:53

Save your fake sympathy for someone you actually care about.

Obviously I do care about him he’s my DH of many years

OP posts:

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