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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To just ask for support from you all

450 replies

marthasGinyard · 04/10/2021 17:30

My previous names are only1scoop and MarthasGinYard I've been around years.

I suffered from anxiety for a while and was in a very unhappy relationship which ticked on for the sake of our daughter I guess.

In Feb/March this year I became ill with gastro issues and ended up having an awful time I had a breakdown. I vomited blood was losing blood ended to with scan after test a week in hospital all the time being scorned by my partner of 13 years. "I'll be glad when you have cancer" was among one of the things he said to me. I spent a night in a mental facility just to get away. He told me continually he didn't love me, was abusive in front of our daughter. I was struck with a horrid post nasal drip never encountered before and awful pains. More tests scans. Was left with a nasal voice but it went away. I was left with premature cataracts which I believe can be caused by oxidative stress. I spent 2 months with zero sleep in a continuous state of hyperventilation.

June I started to get better. Symptoms abetted and I wanted to leave. I calmly asked for my share of equity and the abuse flooded out. I was cabin crew for almost 23 years and always worked. After abuse I called police and came to a refuge where I have been since the beginning of July.

I started to get positive for mine and DD's new life and solicitor was handling the other stuff. I have some good friends but no family that can help much.

The only medical issue I still had was a strange vibration still in chest and a pressing feeling had started on throat. Gp puts everything down to anxiety and I wasn't worried about these symptoms but wasn't anxious at the time quite the very opposite.

Mid august I had a tremor start in my left thumb. The twitching then became bodywide. The GP did basic bloods which were ok and it didn't go. I went to see a neurologist privately but I felt all was put down to anxiety. I had an EMG test performed which was clear but very early on only 2 weeks following twitching,

The ladies at refuge have heard how I have been spoken to by old GP's and sent me to a new one. She saw the fasiculatiions and my scalloped swollen tongue twitching I explained my speech has changed and she has tried to expodite my neurology appointment with NHS. She took me seriously and examined me thoroughly.

I'm terrified this is MND bulbar palsy. I am woke with involuntary swallowing and throat feels all odd.

Benign fasiculation syndrome was suggested by Neuro but he didn't even look at the fasics. I've looked into this and it seems common amongst the young and fit sports type with big thumping twitches. Mine are tiny ripples some I barely feel but only see.

I'm terrified I will leave my Dd without her mum and with the horrible father we left.

I don't even know why I'm posting I just after being on here for so long wanted some MN support. I'm so lonely and frightened in this nitemare.

If anyone remembers me and can just offer support I'd be so grateful.

OP posts:
SleekMamma · 18/03/2023 22:52

Thinking of you X

wizzler · 19/03/2023 19:34

Think about you often. Must be so hard when no one can figure it out. Love to you and your dd

marthasGinyard · 20/03/2023 10:00

Mysa

Yes more tests including another lumbar puncture EMG and further scans

Hate existing in this way

Thanks for message 🙏🏻

OP posts:
marthasGinyard · 20/03/2023 10:01

Thank you wizzler and sleek 🙏🏻

OP posts:
Mysa74 · 08/05/2023 22:11

Hi Martha, I hope you managed to do something nice with your daughter this coronation weekend? Even if it was just an extra day together... I trailed round London with my 6yo DD on the Saturday in the pouring rain and helped to organise a big lunch with my 11yo DD's scout group. The weather yesterday was lovely and everyone enjoyed the dressing up, cake decorating, and axe throwing. The bouncy castle was very popular with all 3 of my girls, especially the 2yo 😀.

blackforestcherrychoc · 09/05/2023 20:47

Thinking of you and sending strength and love ❤️

Mysa74 · 04/06/2023 10:23

Checking in again @marthasGinyard , we haven't heard from you in a while. Really hope you're "okay"...

Mysa74 · 04/06/2023 10:31

Actually, I really hope you're all better, are swanning round Disney/the med/new York in your favourite 80s outfits cracking jokes with your daughter...

marthasGinyard · 05/06/2023 07:33

Hey Mysa

Thank you for lovely posts.

I would adore to tell you that I am indeed skipping around New York worh F giggling our heads off but sadly not.

Things worsen
They watch
They confer 'apparently' 🙄
They eliminate

Rinse repeat

Since I posted last time I now have developed severe sleep apnea very quickly. Have a breathing machine thing at night.

Another coincidence I don't think so

I day without fasiculations and feeling like I've run a marathon walking up the stairs would be

Fecking amazing

F has just turned 13 she had an amazing birthday I made sure of that.

I daren't think to far to her next birthday

Her Dad still makes me suffer as much as humanly possible well inhumanely

In court for next battle later in month.

Still trying to get equity out of house

But it's the lowest on my list of priorities.

Thank you for checking in with us

Hope you all doing good and you enjoying the sun.

ML H xx

OP posts:
marthasGinyard · 05/06/2023 07:34

Thank you black 🙏

OP posts:
Outofthepark · 05/06/2023 07:44

OP so sorry you're going through this. You certainly didn't do this to yourself, your H did it to you.

I think it's definitely stress, your body finally getting the chance to end emergency coping mode now the immediate danger (H) is finally gone. It's healing itself I think, and expressing out all the stress that was being held in. That's ultimately a good thing. I think you need to do every bit of self care you can, every day, light exercise, vitamins, good sleep if you can, affirmations, deep breathing, meditation, everything to look after yourself.

Plus your so used to having a threat to be hypervigilant about, your mind might be trying to manufacture another (health anxiety) to keep that familiar state going.

wizzler · 05/06/2023 09:23

Hi @marthasGinyard another one checking in. Glad your Dd had a good birthday.
It sounds so hard for you but read this thread back to your early posts ... it's months and months and you've come so far.
Next month will soon be just another hurdle you have overcome

marthasGinyard · 05/06/2023 10:05

Thanks Wizzler

OP posts:
Nearlyshitmypantsthere · 05/06/2023 10:20

@marthasGinyard much love sent your way ❤️ Keep on keeping on, it's all you can do! Good luck for court 🤞

marthasGinyard · 05/06/2023 10:28

Bless you nearly ❤️

OP posts:
NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 05/06/2023 13:14

@marthasGinyard

I've just caught up on your thread again.
I'm so pleased it was bumped.

F cannot be 13. She just can't... that would make me, let's see..... bloody hell! I was 40 just before you had her...

How are things working out in the house?

How are your parents doing? (Always nervous to ask)

I rarely use this word, but can't get enough venom in anything else, F's Dad, he really is a cunt isn't he.

((Hugs)))

marthasGinyard · 05/06/2023 14:35

Hey November,

yes he is an utter complete TOTPC

I barely see parents both almost 88 mums Alzheimer’s very severe.

House is lovely but just can’t get into the spirit only for F etc.

Thank you for the very much needed hug 🤗

OP posts:
Mysa74 · 05/06/2023 18:25

So glad you're back, I was starting to worry...
I read back over all of your posts earlier and noticed that you spent 23 years flying as cabin crew, my sister did too so not sure how I missed it before... Do any of your doctor's/consultants/specialists know that you flew for so long? Quite a few of your symptoms match up with

Mysa74 · 24/11/2023 21:34

How are you @marthasGinyard ?
We haven't heard from you in ages. I hope things have improved for you...
((Hugs))

marthasGinyard · 24/11/2023 23:01

Hey Mysa

thank you for message so lovely to remember. My health deteriorates and undiagnosed but still under neurology. Further tests including another lumbar puncture coming up. Unable to work. Hard existing like this but DD amazing and I am better when she’s around.

court 7/8th Dec trial just be glad when it’s over. It’s only money just trying to safeguard it for dd.

after 18 months child maint are finally getting somewhere and hoping first payment comes before Christmas.

how you?

Hoping for miracle
sending hugs
H xx

OP posts:
Mysa74 · 25/11/2023 09:15

I often think of you... I can't believe they've not managed to label your condition after so long, there must be an answer in someone's head, you're a real lady of mystery Grin.
It's a shame you not in an episode of "house" you've had the standard misdiagnoses and be well on the way to a cure by now...
Let us know how court goes, at least with the money sorted you'll have one lass thing to worry about...
How old is you daughter now, is she still enjoying her new room and school?
I'm off to take mine to her ballet class now but hope to hear from you again.
My fingers and toes are crossed praying for a Christmas miracle xx

marthasGinyard · 06/12/2023 17:33

Bless you Mysa

Indeed a medical challenge

She's 13 now and we love it here

Hope work and family all well with you guys

court in morning 😔

OP posts:
ilovemyspace · 06/12/2023 19:08

Best of luck at court tomorrow! Go, girl! - it'll all be sorted soon (sending a big hug) xx

Duckeggbluebutton · 06/12/2023 20:19

I am so sorry to hear about all you have been through. You are an amazing woman and such a brilliant role model for your daughter ❤️