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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To just ask for support from you all

450 replies

marthasGinyard · 04/10/2021 17:30

My previous names are only1scoop and MarthasGinYard I've been around years.

I suffered from anxiety for a while and was in a very unhappy relationship which ticked on for the sake of our daughter I guess.

In Feb/March this year I became ill with gastro issues and ended up having an awful time I had a breakdown. I vomited blood was losing blood ended to with scan after test a week in hospital all the time being scorned by my partner of 13 years. "I'll be glad when you have cancer" was among one of the things he said to me. I spent a night in a mental facility just to get away. He told me continually he didn't love me, was abusive in front of our daughter. I was struck with a horrid post nasal drip never encountered before and awful pains. More tests scans. Was left with a nasal voice but it went away. I was left with premature cataracts which I believe can be caused by oxidative stress. I spent 2 months with zero sleep in a continuous state of hyperventilation.

June I started to get better. Symptoms abetted and I wanted to leave. I calmly asked for my share of equity and the abuse flooded out. I was cabin crew for almost 23 years and always worked. After abuse I called police and came to a refuge where I have been since the beginning of July.

I started to get positive for mine and DD's new life and solicitor was handling the other stuff. I have some good friends but no family that can help much.

The only medical issue I still had was a strange vibration still in chest and a pressing feeling had started on throat. Gp puts everything down to anxiety and I wasn't worried about these symptoms but wasn't anxious at the time quite the very opposite.

Mid august I had a tremor start in my left thumb. The twitching then became bodywide. The GP did basic bloods which were ok and it didn't go. I went to see a neurologist privately but I felt all was put down to anxiety. I had an EMG test performed which was clear but very early on only 2 weeks following twitching,

The ladies at refuge have heard how I have been spoken to by old GP's and sent me to a new one. She saw the fasiculatiions and my scalloped swollen tongue twitching I explained my speech has changed and she has tried to expodite my neurology appointment with NHS. She took me seriously and examined me thoroughly.

I'm terrified this is MND bulbar palsy. I am woke with involuntary swallowing and throat feels all odd.

Benign fasiculation syndrome was suggested by Neuro but he didn't even look at the fasics. I've looked into this and it seems common amongst the young and fit sports type with big thumping twitches. Mine are tiny ripples some I barely feel but only see.

I'm terrified I will leave my Dd without her mum and with the horrible father we left.

I don't even know why I'm posting I just after being on here for so long wanted some MN support. I'm so lonely and frightened in this nitemare.

If anyone remembers me and can just offer support I'd be so grateful.

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marthasGinyard · 31/03/2022 14:27

I've had a lovely local MN send me a lovely message and I'm hoping to meet her soon.

I saw ENT last night who was concerned re tongue fasiculations and had contacted MND centre to try and bring apt fwd.

Need some answers now

Met my new official GP today who actually put her arms around me and insured me that if it is what we suspect I won't lose my dd. She was amazing. If my old GP had been her I would be sitting here a fasiculating wreck, peeing myself and tumbling over.

Thanks for thinking of me

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Mysa74 · 31/03/2022 20:54

So pleased you're new GP is a good one, just hearing her say that must have been a huge relief. I'm really glad you've found a local mumsnetter hopefully you'll be great friends and able to help each other and have fun for many, many years to come. Dig out the pixie boots and the random jokes Martha, spring is coming and things will look brighter, even the wriggly bits ((hugs))

marthasGinyard · 23/04/2022 23:18

Thanks Mysa

We haven't met up yet but I sense we share the same humour

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marthasGinyard · 23/04/2022 23:22

I was fast tracked to mnd Neuro who wants to see me again

Told me new GP 'I'm worried'

She said 'so am I'

Feel like I'm a man actress who gets through entertaining my wonderful girl.

Love a musical me, and perhaps should just burst into slightly slurred song instead of tears.

Thank you

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marthasGinyard · 23/04/2022 23:28

Mumsnet

Why has my other thread been deleted?

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Mysa74 · 25/04/2022 04:57

Hi Martha, just checking in... Bursting into song might not be a bad idea you know. I'm sure we could help you come up with some appropriate numbers! My hospital trust formed a choir a couple of years before covid and I went along to find out why I couldn't sing. Turns out most songs are too high for me and I'm great at the low bits, so I've joined 3 other lovely ladies and we sing the tenor line (or drop an octave) it's done wonders for my confidence and makes me so happy. We've been taken part in some variety shows at a couple of local theatres and people have bought tickets! My voice has improved a lot with the exercises and practice, still wouldn't sing solo though Grin
What's your favourite musical, I have a soft spot for calamity Jane and love sunset boulevard and Les mis. Seasons of love from rent is a lovely song... And the kings song from Hamilton is hysterical. Jonathan Groff is brilliant.

marthasGinyard · 25/04/2022 09:34

Mysa thank you

That's great to hear you've set up a chorus.

You sound baritone a bit like me Grin

You know at the moment I can't even watch tv or listen to music just makes me so emotional.

Love a bit of Phantom seen it 5 times. When I watch it I AM "Christine'

Really want to see Hamilton

I guess my life has become rather more Evita lately

Another suitcase in another hall and all that....

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marthasGinyard · 25/04/2022 10:44

"On my own, pretending he's beside me"

My Dad my wonderful 86 year old gentleman and wonderful grandad.

Mysa respect for the wonderful position you have, did you earlier in thread say it was working with chemo patients?

I think you should sing them through their recoveries.

Dd loves mus

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marthasGinyard · 25/04/2022 10:48

Whoops apols I'm so clumsy.

Age 3 in the car signing 'magical Mr mastofolees'

I know Cats is quite 'marmite' but she loves him.

When I was at school Early 80'sBlush Julian Lloyd Webber came to our school and played his Cello.

Amazing.

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Mysa74 · 26/04/2022 13:18

I love the original conjuring cat too, lol. I've only seen phantom once but have listened to Michael Crawford's original cast recording soundtrack so many times that tape won't last much longer... Everything he sings is full of emotion, he's brilliant.
Ifvyou have Disney plus you could watch the full Hamilton stage show, if not I think it's on pay per view on "the shows must go on" YouTube channel. AL-W set it up during lockdown and played loads of his shows for free. There's still a lot on there that you could watch snippets of, there are some great songs from Joseph your daughter might like.
I'm deeply impress that you got to hear JL-W play live. They must've been a pretty good school. Far more inspiring than someone tootling Frere Jacque on a recorder Grin.
Yep, I'm the one that makes the chemotherapy. I don't see as many patients as I'd like since covid. I spend most of the time locked up in my suite of rooms in the bowels of the hospital out of sight though, maybe that's why I like the phantom so much? 🤣🤣

marthasGinyard · 27/04/2022 03:43

Thank you

I've just bought Dd Disney plus with my Clubcard vouchers. She is excited to watch Hamilton.

You do an amazing job wow, I can only imagine some of the cases you've seen.

I've been for a CT scan this eve, they only called me yesterday.

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marthasGinyard · 27/04/2022 03:45

I spend most of the time locked up in my suite of rooms in the bowels of the hospital out of sight though, maybe that's why I like the phantom so much? 🤣🤣

GrinGrin

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Ohdofuckofdear · 27/04/2022 08:10

Has your Dr mentioned FND? That's what I have and it can cause all-sorts of issues and it's generally different for every person that has it.

Mine has caused Tics,loss of signal on the right side of my body(so my leg,arm,hand will stop working)I had to relearn how to walk,speak,feed myself,brush my teeth(pretty much everything) it's caused facial blindness and short term and long term memory loss.
I have to use a wheelchair now.

If FND hasn't been looked at please look it up Martha's vineyard so many people have been overlooked when it comes to this condition and the Neurologists,Drs and hospitals are still playing catch up with this condition.

I hope you get some awnsers soon.
I

marthasGinyard · 27/04/2022 15:34

Thank you so much for your kind Message

It was mentioned in the earlier stages but the symptoms are different.

I hope you are doing ok.

Thinking of you

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Ishacoco · 17/05/2022 23:27

How are you doing Martha? Do you have a garden to sit out in and enjoy the sun? However transient it's going to be!

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/05/2022 00:35

I have only just seen this thread but I live near to you I think (in one of the places you mentioned in your earlier posts) so I would be happy to meet up for a chat. I have a DD too, she is 10 (and other older children) so a playdate could work if you would prefer that. PM me if you want to chat anytime x

ThePoorWeeDonkey · 18/05/2022 04:25

Thinking of you and DD Martha xxx

marthasGinyard · 19/05/2022 10:55

Things not good

Barium swallow showed up some findings in oesophagus.

Things seem to be worsening.

Thanks for the posts and thinking of me Flowers

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marthasGinyard · 19/05/2022 10:57

@PyongyangKipperbang

Thank you I would like that very much

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Nearlyshitmypantsthere · 20/05/2022 00:28

@marthasGinyard 💐

Zemw · 20/05/2022 01:17

I'm so sorry you are going through this Martha. Hopefully you will get your dx soon, it take such along time doesn't it ❤

Mysa74 · 20/05/2022 07:56

Hi Martha, I'm sorry you test result wasn't so great, does it help confirm a diagnosis or has muddied the waters again?
I hope you and your daughter get as much pleasure from Disney+ as we do. Fascinating fact for you daughter; the king in Hamilton (Jonathan Groff) voices kristoff and Sven in frozen!

marthasGinyard · 21/05/2022 02:08

Thanks all Gin

Mysa so lovely to hear from you. I'm not sure....barium showed mild changes but fasiculations awful. Neuro again end of next month.

Was meant to go to a BBQ at school with DD tonight but I just couldn't go I look and am so different. The went instead with her. Felt awful.

Need answers abs this is very drawn out.

Disney+ is fab

We are also glued to this glass blowing series on Netflix

Mesmerised

Spoke to my wonderful work coach today he's so supportive. It would be an absolute dream to get back to work. I don't even care what I do now anything would be amazing just need to know what's going on.

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marthasGinyard · 21/05/2022 02:09

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

marthasGinyard · 23/05/2022 00:20

Sorry I hadn't realised

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