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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To just ask for support from you all

450 replies

marthasGinyard · 04/10/2021 17:30

My previous names are only1scoop and MarthasGinYard I've been around years.

I suffered from anxiety for a while and was in a very unhappy relationship which ticked on for the sake of our daughter I guess.

In Feb/March this year I became ill with gastro issues and ended up having an awful time I had a breakdown. I vomited blood was losing blood ended to with scan after test a week in hospital all the time being scorned by my partner of 13 years. "I'll be glad when you have cancer" was among one of the things he said to me. I spent a night in a mental facility just to get away. He told me continually he didn't love me, was abusive in front of our daughter. I was struck with a horrid post nasal drip never encountered before and awful pains. More tests scans. Was left with a nasal voice but it went away. I was left with premature cataracts which I believe can be caused by oxidative stress. I spent 2 months with zero sleep in a continuous state of hyperventilation.

June I started to get better. Symptoms abetted and I wanted to leave. I calmly asked for my share of equity and the abuse flooded out. I was cabin crew for almost 23 years and always worked. After abuse I called police and came to a refuge where I have been since the beginning of July.

I started to get positive for mine and DD's new life and solicitor was handling the other stuff. I have some good friends but no family that can help much.

The only medical issue I still had was a strange vibration still in chest and a pressing feeling had started on throat. Gp puts everything down to anxiety and I wasn't worried about these symptoms but wasn't anxious at the time quite the very opposite.

Mid august I had a tremor start in my left thumb. The twitching then became bodywide. The GP did basic bloods which were ok and it didn't go. I went to see a neurologist privately but I felt all was put down to anxiety. I had an EMG test performed which was clear but very early on only 2 weeks following twitching,

The ladies at refuge have heard how I have been spoken to by old GP's and sent me to a new one. She saw the fasiculatiions and my scalloped swollen tongue twitching I explained my speech has changed and she has tried to expodite my neurology appointment with NHS. She took me seriously and examined me thoroughly.

I'm terrified this is MND bulbar palsy. I am woke with involuntary swallowing and throat feels all odd.

Benign fasiculation syndrome was suggested by Neuro but he didn't even look at the fasics. I've looked into this and it seems common amongst the young and fit sports type with big thumping twitches. Mine are tiny ripples some I barely feel but only see.

I'm terrified I will leave my Dd without her mum and with the horrible father we left.

I don't even know why I'm posting I just after being on here for so long wanted some MN support. I'm so lonely and frightened in this nitemare.

If anyone remembers me and can just offer support I'd be so grateful.

OP posts:
marthasGinyard · 19/09/2022 19:53

Jesus, Abc

Thank you so much

OP posts:
Nearlyshitmypantsthere · 19/09/2022 21:07

@marthasGinyard do you know something? I've obviously never met you, but u give me a kick up the bum every time I read your posts! I'm truly in awe of your strength and attitude 💪 You've got this girl!!! Much love sent your way ❤

marthasGinyard · 19/09/2022 21:48

Bless you

I have wobbles daily I'm not strong at all. I manage though not sure if that makes sense

OP posts:
wizzler · 26/10/2022 23:12

@marthasGinyard just checking in to see how you are getting on. Often think about you and your dd ... hope you are both ok

marthasGinyard · 07/11/2022 09:53

Hi Wizzler

Sorry nothing good to report

Further apts

Lumbar puncture came back with findings.

Watch and wait

Still no equity from our house. We don't even have our belongings.

OP posts:
ilovemyspace · 13/11/2022 00:10

@marthasGinyard you are coping so well in such a shit situation - even though you don't think you are! I can't even imagine how you're managing to get through this - but you are, my lovely.
And remember you're not on your own - we're here for you xx

marthasGinyard · 13/11/2022 14:38

Not really coping
Just exist

Thank you

OP posts:
ilovemyspace · 13/11/2022 19:49

Sometimes that's all you can do - just exist! And sometimes, it's enough for now.
I wish there were some magic words to take away all of your sadness and fear and frustration, but all I can offer is a really big hug xx

marthasGinyard · 14/11/2022 21:36

Bless you x

OP posts:
wizzler · 15/11/2022 09:13

Was thinking that it's over a year since your first post and you've achieved a lot through the hardest of times. Keep going

marthasGinyard · 15/11/2022 10:09

Thanks Wizzler

OP posts:
Nearlyshitmypantsthere · 05/01/2023 01:24

@marthasGinyard just checking in, how's things? Hope you and your DD had a lovely Christmas 🥰

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 05/01/2023 12:43

Same, hope you both had some good times together over Christmas and New year Flowers

wizzler · 08/01/2023 18:48

Think of you and your dd often @marthasGinyard . Hope you are doing ok

marthasGinyard · 08/01/2023 19:10

Thank you all for checking in

I'm sad to say the diagnosis continues as symptoms worsen

We had a wonderful Christmas in our new little home.

Sending love to all of you.

Need MN positivity

OP posts:
marthasGinyard · 08/01/2023 19:17

We are smiling I promise

Luv H

To just ask for support from you all
OP posts:
Nearlyshitmypantsthere · 08/01/2023 19:56

Very un-mumsnetty but sending you both some ❤️

marthasGinyard · 13/01/2023 20:45

Thank you lovely x

OP posts:
Mysa74 · 10/03/2023 06:10

Hi Martha. How are you doing? I think of you often and really hope that no news is good news?

winewolfhowls · 10/03/2023 07:16

I'm more of a lurker than a poster but I have crept out of my bush to send you my most sincere best wishes and crossings of everythings that you got some answers and a path forward

marthasGinyard · 18/03/2023 10:57

I worsen and tests show findings with no full explanations.

Breathing has now become a concern

Feel like just watched every 3-4 months until something fails.

I've been referred to my neurologists colleague for second opinion

7 diagnosis up to now none fit my symptoms.

My dd keeps me going be it slowly these days.

Thank you both for checking in

OP posts:
Adarajames · 18/03/2023 18:36

Oh op, that is so awful and scary and frustrating for you. I do hope they can give you an answer soon, it’s so hard not knowing or having any idea of a prognosis. Thinking of you x

Nearlyshitmypantsthere · 18/03/2023 20:39

@marthasGinyard Aw Martha that's not so good to hear, my heart goes out to you ❤️ I hope they get to the bottom of this soon. Take care x

marthasGinyard · 18/03/2023 21:33

Thank you 🙏🏻

OP posts:
Mysa74 · 18/03/2023 21:48

So sorry to hear that Martha. 7 failed diagnosis? That's awful, that must make you a very worried, scared medical mystery... Stay strong Martha, I'm sure they must come up with something soon. So you have more consultant appointments or tests due?
Big (((hugs))) for you both xx