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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shit scared of childbirth

128 replies

jezzy56 · 04/10/2021 14:47

I have a dc already who was born by emergency c-section.

Pregnant again and hoping for a vaginal delivery this time but I'm so scared. I guess it's maybe fear of the unknown. I had contractions with my ds for several hours but never experienced the pain of a vaginal birth. The thought of tearing and having stitches down there makes me cringe.

Can anyone offer any positive stories or experience please? I'm feeling so anxious that I'm considering requesting an elective section but I know the risks and recovery for that are tough too and I would like to do it naturally if I can.

OP posts:
Cupidity · 04/10/2021 14:55

I was very lucky. 2 quick, easy and simple births. One water birth, one where the pool didn't even have time to fill up. One I needed some stitches, it was uncomfortable to sit down for a couple of days but then all healed with no issues.I was able to walk/drive the next day with both.

Could you sign up for some pregnancy yoga or pilates lessons? I felt a bit more prepared for labour because I'd gone to lots of classes when they'd taught us various positions for different phases of labour, things we could try to help with contractions, breathing techniques, etc. And the whole class was taught by a lovely calm lady who explained all the different phases, what we could expect, etc.

EatYourVegetables · 04/10/2021 14:57

I had two vaginal births (one very difficult and complicated, and one induced but took off and ended up quick and easy). I found them both really empowering experiences. The pain was strong but completely manageable - it’s very different from eg an injury or toothache - and the drugs your body makes naturally are amazing. Good luck!

tigerbreadandtea · 04/10/2021 15:00

Do the course by the positive birth company. I was exactly like you and it really helped. Ended up having a great birth.

nahnahna · 04/10/2021 15:03

I had three vaginal births, I think you can't underestimate the value of the moment taking you over ! Honestly I was so unprepared mentally for mine, I just went with it and perhaps that can help.

Gas and air is wonderful btw

SherryPalmer · 04/10/2021 15:04

Birth is different for everyone but I tore badly and didn’t feel it at all despite only having gas and air as pain relief. It was the thing I was most scared about but actually for me once I got to the pushing stage the worst was over. I had stitches too but they gave me some local anaesthetic for those and they weren’t bad either.

Lavender24 · 04/10/2021 15:05

I went into labour naturally at 35 weeks. The contractions were excruciating, so much worse than I was expecting so I had an epidural when I reached 5cm. It was fine after that as I couldn't feel the contractions or the ring of fire when the head started to crown. I could still feel the pressure of the head though which felt odd and uncomfortable. Ended up needing an episiotomy and ventouse to get her out but felt none of it. I was up and about fairly quickly after having the epidural taken out. It was pretty sore down there for a few days but the recovery was easier than I thought it would be. I was just so glad I didn't have to have a c section and could pick up my baby, do housework etc.

Just remember if the pain gets too much there are plenty of pain relief options and they gave me codeine and ibuprofen in the post natal ward too. I think I'd actually be less scared of childbirth after having experienced it purely because I'd have a realistic idea of what to expect.

SherryPalmer · 04/10/2021 15:07

I have to say, I didn’t find labour empowering at all and the contractions were excruciating but the fear of tearing was much worse than the reality and I had an extended second degree tear.

ViceLikeBlip · 04/10/2021 15:08

The contractions were by far and away the worst bit for me. The bit where the baby actually comes out is amazing (like the best poo ever, when you've been holding it in for hour on the way home 😉) I never knew with any of mine whether I'd torn or not until the midwife told me, I didn't have any sort of burning pain while crowning. And mine shot out pretty quick- head and shoulders both out in one contraction.

But then again, maybe I've just got a great big bucket fanny 🤷‍♀️

Balonzette · 04/10/2021 15:18

I was SO scared about childbirth that it gave me severe anxiety all through my pregnancies. The first time around I had an epidural and couldn't feel a thing in the end. Honestly not a thing. It was great! I mean, I felt contractions before the epidural but I have never found contractions to be painful. Uncomfortable at worst. The first pregnancy I even needed forceps, an episiotomy, and whatever that suction thing is called - didn't feel a thing! Had no idea.

Didn't have an epidural for later births but again, it was fine. Contractions fine, and the birth itself was painful but for such a short time! It was all over so fast.

Both an episiotomy and tear were such huge worries for me! But had both and honestly, I wish I'd never even heard about them before, because I thought they'd be SO awful, the idea made me so anxious. In the end they really weren't bad - if everyone didn't go on about them so much, I'd not even have thought to mention them when discussing the births because they really weren't that noticably bad.

I wish I'd not been so anxious about it. I really ruined my pregnancies with worry, and for no reason. I actually weirdly enjoyed birth.

Crunchymum · 04/10/2021 15:20

I've had 3 vaginal deliveries.

One was an augmented labour (I stalled at 7cm so was put on drip and had my waters broken), one was a very simple and fast labour, one was an induction (22h of niggles but "labour proper" was less than an hour)

No tears or grazes, was all over physically wrecked after my augmented labour due to it being 50+ hours but was fine after a few days.

nanbread · 04/10/2021 15:24

Read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to childbirth, it helped me trust and have confidence in my body second time around. I had an incredible birth after a crap pregnancy.

XelaM · 04/10/2021 15:24

Very quick and easy birth with just gas and air and no tears. It's painful but it's over soon and afterwards you're on such a high

ChickPeaSalad · 04/10/2021 15:25

I had a really crap birth. Five day induction, ventouse, episiotomy, baby in distress, unmedicated contractions for 13hr without any pain relief at all (not my choice at all).

But you know what stopped me being scared of birth beforehand? The knowledge that you can opt for pain relief. Women throughout the ages who've had to cope with childbirth without medical assistance or pain relief would give their right arm for the options we have available to us. If you don't want to suffer, you don't have to.

I had an epidural as soon as I was allowed one and birthed with it working great the entire labour, I didn't feel a single thing! They told me when to push. Numb from the waist down. It was absolutely fantastic. It meant I was calm, collected, peaceful, fully mentally present, able to experience every moment of the birth without being in a haze or like a wild screaming animal (which is how I was when I was having the unmedicated induced contractions). The pushing was still hard work but not feeling it was such a gift.

After the birth the recovery was a lot longer and more painful than I expected but the epidural meant for me that I was numb for quite a while after I could walk fine, which protected me from some of the worst of the pain. It's a myth that baby comes out and you feel fine, most women experience a degree of pain for quite a while after the baby is actually born and it was good to feel numb for that.

Whatever you decide, just remember that how the birth goes on the day is out of your control, as seductive as it is to think that we have some control over the process. It depends on so many things out of your hands: your body, the baby, baby's positioning and so forth. You don't get a medal or a better baby for doing it one way over another and what matters is that you both come through it physically and emotionally well.

The options are there, use them. You can go through the process of birthing a baby without being in excruciating pain if you so wish. How incredible is that?

StevieNix · 04/10/2021 15:27

It is so normal to be scared! The contractions were the worst pain for me (and you’ve already experience those before) by the time it came to pushing it was a relief that it was almost over that it was honestly fine! I did tear badly but to be honest I found it more bearable than the contractions themselves. Also if your scared please don’t be afraid of asking for pain relief - epidural etc, there’s no prize for putting yourself through pain if you feel you need painkillers!

ChickPeaSalad · 04/10/2021 15:31

I also want to say: try follow your instincts. If you feel a caesarean is the better option for you then it's the better option for you. I found a lot was made about the risks and recovery from a caesarean, but not many people actually talked about the fact there are risks and recovery involved in a vaginal birth. Neither one guarantees you a smooth, simple process and good recovery.

Anecdotally, most of my friends who've had c sections have said their recoveries went a lot better than they expected and would happily have another. Personally I deliberated over it for a long time and ultimately decided to try birth vaginally. I did it, but I regret it deeply. There's no way of knowing how a c section would have gone, but at least I wouldn't have been through what I did and been left with lifelong birthing injuries (a rectocele in my case) that mean I can never use the bathroom the same way again for the rest of my life. It's tough. Birth is a risky process however you do it so don't be pushed into a vaginal birth if you're nervous of it unless you're sure that's what you want.

Notcontent · 04/10/2021 15:39

An elective c section is very, very different to an emergency one. Don’t feel like you have to have a vaginal birth simply because it’s the “natural” option. Do your research and don’t be bullied into doing something you don’t feel comfortable about.

LaRobeRouge · 04/10/2021 15:43

I had 2 vaginal births. Like you I was so scared but they were both fine. I had an epidural both times which was great for me, and a few internal stitches but didn't feel a thing. I had considered having an ECS as I was so scared, but I'm so pleased I didn't as I was up and about in no time.

FoilWrappedBiscuit · 04/10/2021 15:48

Honestly, try hypnobirthing! It's amazing. I have a very low tolerance for woo but it genuinely worked wonders for me. I didn't even do a course, just got a book and CD.

BringPizza · 04/10/2021 15:54

Fear of the unknown is quite sensible, but you have lots of options. Is it possible to request to try a vaginal delivery but have an elective section in reserve? Failing that just give it a whirl, it’s the one time you can take your picks of drugs- I got nothing because mine were fast, as yours might be. I second the suggestions for breathing, yoga or hypnobirthing classes just for the calm they help you to keep when it all starts building.

Hopefullysweatmightbewee · 04/10/2021 15:55

If I were you I would just have an elective c section. There’s no medal for birthing naturally and you would regret it forevermore if you ended up with a bad tear.

You know what to expect with c section recovery and no one apart from you will care how baby arrives.

ChimChimeny · 04/10/2021 15:57

I tried watching OBEm & freaked myself out so didn't watch it again 🤣

I was v scared too but actually it was ok just went on for ages so was boring for a long time. The contractions were excruciating but I had an episiotomy so didn't actually feel DD being born, the placenta being delivered or stitches (local anaesthetic).
I was also terrified of tearing after a friend told me about her experience so I'm glad I had intervention.

PurpleFlower1983 · 04/10/2021 16:00

Like others, the contractions were the worse part for me and those final ones can be very very painful but your body just does what it needs to (for some women). Mine were both very easy, one calm in the pool with gas and air, the other frenzied outside of the hospital standing by the bus stop, he just decided to come and pain relief obviously wasn’t an option. If it’s really worrying you I would elect for the selection as, as others have said, no one gets a medal for doing it ‘naturally’ but if you do decide to give vaginal delivery a go it’s not always bad. Good luck!

PurpleFlower1983 · 04/10/2021 16:02

*section

Blossomtoes · 04/10/2021 16:02

@ViceLikeBlip

The contractions were by far and away the worst bit for me. The bit where the baby actually comes out is amazing (like the best poo ever, when you've been holding it in for hour on the way home 😉) I never knew with any of mine whether I'd torn or not until the midwife told me, I didn't have any sort of burning pain while crowning. And mine shot out pretty quick- head and shoulders both out in one contraction.

But then again, maybe I've just got a great big bucket fanny 🤷‍♀️

Mine were like that too. I had an episiotomy and stitches with the first one. It was sore for a few days and then absolutely fine. Once the head and shoulders are out, the rest kind of slithers and it’s blissful.
Potterurotter · 04/10/2021 16:04

@ViceLikeBlip 🤣🤣🤣

I am 33 weeks and my biggest fear is tearing and feeling like my fanny will be forever destroyed!