To be shit scared of childbirth

[jezzy56]

I have a dc already who was born by emergency c-section.

Pregnant again and hoping for a vaginal delivery this time but I'm so scared. I guess it's maybe fear of the unknown. I had contractions with my ds for several hours but never experienced the pain of a vaginal birth. The thought of tearing and having stitches down there makes me cringe.

Can anyone offer any positive stories or experience please? I'm feeling so anxious that I'm considering requesting an elective section but I know the risks and recovery for that are tough too and I would like to do it naturally if I can.

I had three vaginal deliveries. Things I think it is useful to know:

1. The pain at the beginning of labour was worse for me because there was nothing in the birth canal to push against.
2. In the transition phase when fully dilated I vomited first time and went a bit spaced out, then felt better for the pushing!
3. TEARING. I tore snd needed stitches with all three of mine. I realise that there can be complications from tearing that can be awful. BUT, I and many of my friends who tore had no really bad side effects. It was a bit uncomfortable but not a patch on a c section scar i should imagine. Also it tears at the back not the front, so it actually doesn't hurt at the time, it just feels hot. I didn't know I had torn any time until I was examined afterwards. They will do the stitches immediately after you deliver the placenta.
4. Afterbirth: you also have contractions to deliver this! Although after a baby's head it is quite nice and warm and squashy when it comes out. It is usually very quick.
5. Adrenaline crash. I don't know if this is the same after c section but after delivering my babies I was very shivery and a bit dizzy and cold. It didn't last too long.
6. Sex afterwards if you have scar tissue. Scar tissue is dry even in a vagina! Lube is your friend even many months later.

I was scared of tearing before my first kid but really in my experience it was not bad.

Congratulations OP!

I gave birth to my 2nd just 6 months ago. It was amazing. I did the positive birth company online course and I had a water birth. Honestly even after a 30+ hour labour, I enjoyed most of it and I found the pain of the labour or the birth isn't as bad as its hyped up to be. I'd do it again tomorrow. 🥰

I've had 3 and tore with all of them. No pain relief with the second 2 (not by choice) and an epidural that didn't work in time for the first so I felt everything the same as with the other 2. By the time I had the third I only had a tiny tear that I didn't even get stitch back up (couldn't take them filling around down there anymore. It was a difficult labour because she was so big). None of the actual births were any worse than the others. You won't know if or how much you have tore until they tell you.
I spent my whole third pregnancy panicking about giving birth. I used to cry about it sometimes. No idea why because I had done it twice before, I just didn't want to do it again 🤣.
Not going to lie, it's bloody painful, but the relief when they pop out is great.

I think you’ve answered your own question and know what feels safer and the best option for you.

Two vaginal births, honestly yes its painful, but by the time it's time to push its pretty much done, after it just feels like your a bit bruised and sore for a few days but that's it

2 vaginally births, no problems at all. Of course everyone is different

What you need to remember, is women do it again and again and again

The actual birth is not as painful as I expected, no way. I found the contractions to be more tolerable by just breathing deep and concentrating on it, they were the worst of it all

I blooming loved labour. Much better than pregnancy tbh. Pushing felt euphoric, the adrenaline took over. And yes I know this isn't everyone's experience but I have had two children with two straightforward deliveries so yes things can be shite but they don't always have to be.

Had 2 vaginal deliveries and yes, it's painful and traumatic at the time, but the thing I think is important to remember is, it's natural, it's for a fantastic reason, and it's over in a matter of hours. Recovery is quicker and more natural than c-section, and generally have less complications afterwards.
My second was awful (not trying to scare you) and Id do it all over again (maybe even more than once 😂) to have more children.

Have an elective c section.
Recovery is hard initially but better than my supposed natural birth.
I've had 2. Felt great after. No regrets.
Will advise any future grandkids to be born via section.

DS was an ELCS because he was breech. I was terrified of giving birth and it was a huge relief to have an ELCS. I absolutely loved it. I'm a massive wuss, but honestly, the recovery was far easier than having my wisdom teeth out. It was calm and relaxing and generally just amazing.

No way I'd give birth any other way. Vaginal birth is very much a "good for you, not for me" scenario.

My first (after long, uneventful labour) ended up in an emergency cs.

Discussed having 2nd naturally - and they felt there was no reason not to try. However, late in the day he decided to turn (I think he knew I was scared and didn't want to deliver naturally!). Being breech - I was booked in for an elective c-section.

Unfortunately, he had other ideas (as I was induced for my first - had never experienced natural process of labour - so ignored pain). I arrived at hospital, was checked in at 8cm (waters broke on exam) - I was changed and walked straight down to theatre for an emergency section!! Fortunately, it was a calm emergency (unlike my first). But it went really well and because I knew what to expect wasn't daunted by the recovery - learnt from the first not to do too much too soon!

I went on to have a 3rd - Booked in Section - the only one to arrive as scheduled xx

I knew I always wanted kids, but internally was absolutely terrified of all of the things that could go wrong. The best thing about a section is that once it has started - you are not left, procedures are followed until Mother & baby are safe and well (which can't always be said for natural births). We went in to our 3rd birth excited for the day xx

Do what you feel is best for you - birth type is a choice (you don't get extra prizes for doing it a certain way). Just go with your gut x

My waters broke at 34+6 and DD was born at 35+2, after going into natural labour, similarly to @Lavender24. Like you, I had an EMCS with DS, quite a number of years before, and whilst I did experience contractions, my waters didn't break and I had an epidural at 8-9cm before they broke them for me, so the contractions were very manageable. I wanted a VBAC with DD but, I'll be honest, was totally unprepared for the pain of contractions. It was hands down the worst pain I have ever experienced. I did have an epidural but it only worked unilaterally and not for very long. Top ups did nothing and by the time I was at 9cm, they had all worn off. I ended up with episiotomy and forceps and had a spinal for that - it was such a massive relief to just stop feeling the contractions. I didn't feel a thing with the episiotomy and the recovery was very straightforward. I had next to no pain, no issues sitting and it has healed really well. Can honestly say the contractions were awful BUT there were plenty of offers of pain relief and I was just unlucky that the epidural didn't work well for me this time. The episiotomy was absolutely no issue. Try not to worry OP - it will be ok, whatever happens.

I haven’t read through this thread but I thought I would tell you I had my idea of the worst vaginal birth. I was induced and after 48 hours of no sleep or eating I had no energy left to push so was taken to theatre for forceps or c section. Forceps scared the crap out of me but they gave me an episiotomy and with one push with forceps the baby was out. I was uncomfortable for a few weeks whilst I healed but I am totally the same as pre birth. I’m due again in a few weeks and I was very excited to give birth again but the baby’s breech and won’t move so it looks like I’m heading for a c section and I’m gutted. It’s my last baby and I won’t get to experience the feeling of childbirth ever again, that will probably sound odd to so many people!

You might like hypnobirthing, it sort of pumps you up gives you techniques to keep calm.

Best of luck with the birth, whatever you choose to do

3 vaginal deliveries: 2 was cut and one was a tear. I have no idea when they happened!!!! If I wasn't told I needed stitches, I wouldn't have known ok, the stitches were painful.

Will also add - I was warned by midwives that sex would be painful the first few times due to the episiotomy. I've had absolutely zero pain at all. Will also add that my pelvic floor is not what it was and I do get a bit of leakage if I sneeze etc but it's improving all the time and pelvic floor exercises will help.

Hi @jezzy56

I had an induction drip as my waters broke but I still hadn’t gone into labour 24 hours later so the infection risk was too high to wait.

They put my epidural in at the same time as the drip and I felt nothing. Went to sleep for 8 hours then got woken up and told I was 10cm so started pushing. Could feel pressure but no pain at all. Was amazing. Needed an episiotomy as her shoulder got stuck but that was all fine. Gave birth at 845am and was up on my feet having a shower by 2pm after lots of lovely skin to skin time 🥰. Was a wonderful birth. Good luck!! Xx

I had a tens machine, after 4.days of contractions (back to back) I could not feel anything, I had to ask dh to watch the machine to tell me when I had contractions so I could push 😂,.that was just tens as the gas and air was not working !

Ps.they did do local anaesthetic so I didn't feel the tear

Oh and I did hypnobirthing so was totally calm, it did help me.

I've not read the full thread but wanted to reassure you - there are positive stories!
For me I was expecting the pain to be unbearable it was not. I was only able to have gas and air long story but it was managable and I'm an absolute wimp. I found the sciatica after birth more painful than the birth itself

I was petrified. Your body just takes over and does it all for you. I thought about how millions and millions of women have given birth, in all kind of desperate situations.

I surrendered myself to the fact that baby has to come out. I breathed. No painkillers and I'm the first to pop a pill at the slightest hint of a headache. Had my boy in the water and nearly gave birth to my daughter on my local Common.

You will do it because that's what we're designed to do. Breathe. Be calm and breathe.

I was always terrified of childbirth and have anxieties regarding anything medical.
When I discovered I was pregnant I screamed and cried as I knew what was coming.

Once I was in the delivery room, like op has said, things take over and indeed, your body takes over. Please try try to focus on the moment that your baby is handed to you . Nothing else matters.

What pissed me off , during my first pregnancy, ( and I say this with the benefit of hindsight) was the number of women who seemed to delight in " my birth was the most horrendous ever recorded" stories.
Strangely enough, I never heard a single one of those stories for my second pregnancy, just ordinary births.

I was the opposite of you - I was really scared of a caesarian section! The risk of haemorrhage, infection and the longer recovery completely put me off. I am a

• -a control freak-- Independant and the thought of being trapped to a bed with an urinary catheter and IV

I ended up having 3 children and I really enjoyed my labours. The first baby, I had pethadine which was wonderful and I fell asleep, then woke up to push.

People think that childbirth is messy and noisy - but often it's quiet, quick and straightforward. Following my 3rd child, I was home after 2 hours and baked a cake with the oldest children that same afternoon.

I didn't have any vaginal trauma. I do have a slight rectocele (sorted with some physio) but this was due to the pressure of pregnancy and not the birth.

I was incredibly lucky. A straightforward vaginal birth beats a Cs anyday. However, a Cs bears a complicated vaginal birth.

You could aim for a vbac with a low threshold for a repeat Cs - at any sniff of a complication, you could have a Cs. Chat to your consultant to build a birth plan.

You will do it because that's what we're designed to do. Breathe. Be calm and breathe.

This is bullshit. You were lucky. It was nothing to do with how much you breathed.