To be shit scared of childbirth

[jezzy56]

I have a dc already who was born by emergency c-section.

Pregnant again and hoping for a vaginal delivery this time but I'm so scared. I guess it's maybe fear of the unknown. I had contractions with my ds for several hours but never experienced the pain of a vaginal birth. The thought of tearing and having stitches down there makes me cringe.

Can anyone offer any positive stories or experience please? I'm feeling so anxious that I'm considering requesting an elective section but I know the risks and recovery for that are tough too and I would like to do it naturally if I can.

The stories about prolapses and incontinence issues caused by severe tearing really terrify me. And I think the fact that you simply don't know what's going to happen is the worst. As some pp have testified, some people can sail through birth. Others end up with life changing injuries that can't be reversed and you literally have no idea which might happen to you.

For that reason a c section feels safer to me. I do also have some issues with anxiety than can manifest themselves in toileting issues (basically if I panic I need to pee/poo urgently) and I know if I had any lasting damage to my bowel or bladder habits it would massively affect me.

I put off having a child for years because I was terrified.
However once labour starts you are living in the moment.
With Ds1 there was last minute complications but you are just dealing with things as they happen. Sure some things weren't so great but I'm going to sound like a cliche, once the dust was settled and he was cleaned up and I had a shower the immediate past was gone in a puff!
( yes, I tore and had stitches and here I am, a mum of two!!)

It will make you more than cringe!
Good luck.

It's all a leap in the dark really OP - CS is not a risk free option either. I had CS for DC1 then VBAC for DC2. Infinitely preferred VBAC, the birth bit hurt but it was over quickly and then I felt absolutely fine, whereas with CS I was knocked out, confined to a bed with catheter, had breastfeeding problems etc. CS can make it take longer for your milk to come in.

The pressure of pregnancy can cause urinary issues, nevermind birth. There are risks of infection from CS and babies born vaginally have healthier immune systems. There's lots to weigh up, going for CS is fine but unfortunately there's no crystal ball that can make either option 100% risk free.

Luckily, we live in a country where both types of birth are pretty safe!

I tried for a VBAC but it didn’t work so be prepared to have another emcs,, my birth experiences have always been horrific I just think some people get easier births than others

I've had two planned sections - my choice, I couldn't bear the idea of a vaginal delivery planned sections are a lot more pleasant than emergency ones no contractions, no exhaustion of labour first, baby born at a civilised hour after a night sleep for you. They were wonderful.

I have various friends who faced the vbac/repeat section dilemma.

Of those that chose vbac, none had a straightforward time. Some wished they'd had a section, and some were glad they had gone for vbac. But those that went for sections were glad they did, and positive about the experience.

I was certainly able to pick up my baby early on, and did light housework the evening I arrived home from hospital, and it shopping the next morning. It was fine.

I think this is very good advice

I also want to say: try follow your instincts. If you feel a caesarean is the better option for you then it's the better option for you. I found a lot was made about the risks and recovery from a caesarean, but not many people actually talked about the fact there are risks and recovery involved in a vaginal birth. Neither one guarantees you a smooth, simple process and good recovery.

The actual exit bit was short compared to the contractions bit!

OP but because youve had a c section first I’d recommend you either find decent prenatal support to help with a VBAC or have a planned c section.

I was worried after my first birth when pregnant with my second and it went much smoother. But that’s because I’d had decent prenatal care first time and was much more confident in advocating for myself.

I was really worried about the birth, I’d put off having a baby for years due to worrying about it.

Turns out I didn’t have pain relief as I didn’t feel the contractions at all, had an episiotomy which I didn’t feel and no pain or burning etc I’d prepared myself for. The whole thing was totally surreal.

You know what you will feel most comfortable with but remember that they are professionals and keep the dialogue open about your concerns. However he/she arrives it’s only a short time in the grand scheme of things.

I had a c section with my 1st due to breech so never even experienced labour. I just had my VBAC 11 weeks ago and my god the contraction pain was so out of this world I was screaming at every hospital worker to get me an epidural or get the out my room lol. I arrived at 6cm to the hospital basically about to pass out from pain but once I got the epidural an hour or so later it was fine. Couldn’t feel an ounce of pain, when it came to pushing I was so knackered after 30 hours labour I needed episiotomy and forceps. Didn’t feel a thing just immense pressure when he came flying out. Had 2nd degree tear and one very deep they had to pack it out for a few hours but honestly it was fine after. Really not painful at all compared to c section recovery!

Op I highly highly recommend hypno birthing pre birth. It isn't woo and it isn't dependent on having a specific birth. It is essentially self hypnosis for staying calm and it massively helped me with both births

And my first birth was v long labour then a shoulder dystocia which is classed as a serious obstetric emergency ! I still was okay in myself generally and despite the pain it was all bearable. Second time I got so on top of the breathing I was only in pain fir the last hour

You could try the aniball if you're worried about tearing? I think there's another brand but I can't remember what it's called.

I think I was quite traumatized from my first birth. I had many, many sleepless nights reliving it while I was pregnant with baby2.

Second time round was much easier, and very much put my demons to rest about the first one.

I felt very scared as well. I think a lot of it was fear of the unknown, not knowing what the pain would feel like, and having never really experienced intense pain before I just couldn't begin to imagine how I would cope. The way you feel is totally normal.

Yes, it is painful. My birth went pretty terribly all-in-all and I had a forceps delivery and an episiotomy with gas and air. At the time I felt like it was all too much, but as soon as it was over, I forgot about the pain. It has not put me off having a second.

Good luck with the birth and the new bub!

The start of my contractions to giving birth was 5 hours. It was very painful dont get me wrong but there was no build up to it and it came on thick and fast. I got to the hospital and they could see his head and he was born 40 minutes later. Once I got on the gas and air it was completely fine and I could have coped on that quite easily. I don't recommend leaving it as long as possible at home lol because I was getting the urge to push in the car. I didnt prepare for birth at all as I was in denial and had no techniques so just breathed my way through it.

I had 2 vaginal births, slight backache, and they popped out really quickly. You don't get to hear much about the easy non-dramatic ones.

No pain relief either, none required.

Not being unreasonable it's horrendous 😂

I was scared like you, especially if tearing. In reality you have no idea you’re tearing it just feels generally painful there’s no like tearing sensation. The stitches are done with anaesthetic so couldn’t feel them in the slightest x

Being scared of it is wasted energy IME. It's an inevitably as the baby has to come out one way or another! I basically just didn't think too much about it beforehand, other than the time spent thinking about birth plan/preferences.

Once it is actually happening you just sort of get on with it. I had two quite different births but they were both very empowering experiences (even the drip induction, which was my worst nightmare beforehand).

I had a VBAC. What struck me the most was just how easy and almost pain-free it was to move, sit and generally function after a forceps delivery compared to a planned section. Yeah, it was a bit tender until the stitches came out, but nothing more than that.

Emergency c-section for DC1, VBAC with DC2. I'm the biggest wimp ever and was totally terrified, in denial about the birth on both occasions. DC2 was very quick, I didn't have much time to think but knew I had to have a VBAC because bad bowel adhesions meant another c-section was not an option. It was traumatic, I wish I'd got better counselling pre and post natal. Push for what you want. I asked for an epidural with DC2 but it was too late they gave it while she was in transition.

Just try to focus on the end result, despite tearing etc it was not terrible and physically I recovered fast from the VBAC and also c-section. Mentally was a another matter. Literally could never have a third.

This isn’t going to be popular but my recommendation would be to swerve the “positive birth” rhetoric as far as you can.

This sort of thing sets women up for failure.

Birth is scary and difficult. But you and your baby will be OK.

But none of the woo around positive thinking, none of the yoga, the breathing, the soundtracks, make any difference.

If you go in with your eyes and your mind open you will do far better that listen to - or God forbid pay for - any nonsense about birth being “empowering”.