Anyone else feel fed up about finances and living situation?

[Benjaminbutton12]

I am 31 and live with my partner. We live in a small rented studio flat, which has our living room, kitchen and bedroom in one room, then a small bathroom tacked on.
The inside is nice enough but it’s far too small for two, a lot of our stuff is still in bags as we just don’t have the space. We moved here just after Christmas as it was with the same agency I had previously been with, and it was faster and cheaper than starting again.

We pay £800 per month including all bills and council tax, and I guess we’re being ripped off.

I know we need to move ASAP and just feel down. Most people our age now seem to own nice houses and all seem to have a ‘spare room’ they’ve offered us to stay in. We don’t even have anywhere for guests to sit. I shouldn’t care what people think but I do feel some pressure.
We’re in the North West.

I don’t drive, I commute by bike or public transport and that’s another issue I feel down about. Again, most acquaintances of our age or younger seem to have pretty decent cars now. I can’t afford driving lessons plus a deposit for a home. My partner doesn’t drive either.

I have a degree and a qualification in a ‘professional’ career. I believe it was the wrong career choice for me, teaching, my behaviour management skills were very poor. I look young for my age and don’t think I was taken seriously by the children.
I work in social care, a career which I really enjoy but I earn £9.30 an hour. My partner earns slightly less in kitchen work. I shouldn’t do but I feel embarrassed and that people will judge me for being degree and PGCE-qualified but then going on to be a carer. Some people have made comments, even though it’s a rewarding career, but I will never make a lot of money from it.

This month has been a struggle. We’re paid four weekly, due to the date I started I was paid for 3 weeks, and despite me stating that this was my main job I was put on BR tax code and therefore taxed too much. I came out with £930 net whereas it should have been almost £400 more.

I get paid again on Friday but it’s been a struggle.
Sorry for the long rant, not sure what it’s going to achieve. I just feel stressed and down a lot of the time, and like I ‘should’ be in a better position by my age.
I don’t see a solution other than ‘get a well-paid job’?

If you have the qualifications, then get a better job.

Have you thought about retraining as a social worker? Either with children or with Older People? Your background lends itself to that.

In our LA (not NW) people start off working for 2 or 3 years in unqualified positions, the LA then funds them to do their social work degree. The unqualified positions are in the £23 - £27k range, then once you qualify as a social worker you'd be on £32k. It would take 5 years in total but you'd be on a decent salary for those 5 years.

I'm really sorry that you're in this position. Care workers do an amazing job but are paid appallingly.

Have you thought about being a specialist teacher in a school for children with special needs? I'm not sure if there's any specific top up training you would need to do, but its worth looking into. If you have the right aptitude to work as a carer and have the skills to teach, this might well be a good fit for you. I'm not thinking so much of a behavioural unit since you say you don't like behaviour management, but more schools for children with profound disabilities, where there are fewer children in the class, but a more diverse range of needs.

Don't get annoyed with people suggesting you should get a better paid job. You chose the job which you find more enjoyable and less stressful. You are fully aware it will never pay better. You chose it over more comfortable life.

Can you have a chat with a local housing association to see if you might qualify for any schemes as a key worker?

You're in Manchester and have EFL teaching experience. Look for some private tuition gigs in the evening; you don't need to do it full-time, but get one or two students a week for a bit to up your savings while you think about more long-term solutions. In a big cosmopolitan city like Manchester, you should be able to find someone willing to have conversations classes; you could even do group convo classes one night a week in a pub and make a bit more!

When your DP says you think it's best to stay in your studio and save, how much are you saving a month? It doesn't sound like you've much buffer room, so if that's his stance, I'd be asking exactly how he's expecting to save a sizeable deposit. Living somewhere you're unhappy for 2-3 years is miserable.

It sounds tough OP, I wish you the best of luck for you and your DP.

It sounds like you have a confidence issue regarding reaching, almost as though you e talked yourself out of it. But this is your way to a better lifestyle give yourself a talking to you've got this.

You have done all that work you know what to do regarding managing disruptive behaviour you just need the confidence to do it.

If you don't know what to do then you've learnt how to research during your studies so go research write yourself up a plan. If needed take that plan into school so you can refer back to it.

Also role play get your partner to pretend to be the unruly child, practice what you will say or do until it becomes second nature. There's loads of studies showing that mental rehearsal is actually extremely effective.

Don't let yourself talk you out of it, you aren't to young looking that's all in your head.

Good luck 🍀

@Iwonder08

Don't get annoyed with people suggesting you should get a better paid job. You chose the job which you find more enjoyable and less stressful. You are fully aware it will never pay better. You chose it over more comfortable life.

I haven’t been annoyed with anybody? And it’s not a stress free job trust me

I think doing some private tutoring in your subject or EFL is a good way to go. You could charge £25 an hour at least that would make a difference to your earnings even if you only had a couple per week. You can do this online too.

It might be with moving to another rented flat if you could get a cheaper flat or a bigger one for the same price. This does seem likely given what you are paying.

Thanks a lot everyone this has given me a confidence boost and made me believe that I can do it.

If you are working in care, could you look to find jobs with other care/ social housing providers? Those that offer pathways to developing your career from carer into becoming home manager or sideways into working with the elderly as a scheme manager or similar in sheltered housing or extra care. It depends on how you see your long term career.

@Benjaminbutton12 if you’re earn around 1400 a month, could you not just do day supply work? Would give you some more experience and would only need 10/14 days instead of a full month?

I don’t think you need to work harder, why would anyone encourage you to do that just so your landlord can make even more money out of you while you look after their asset for them? We need rent control, better housing.

You absolutely can do it. Working in care is a hard job that is low paid. You have kept going throughout the pandemic.

My friend went from teaching to nursing through care work. She got a job as a nursing associate and trained on the job (she couldn’t afford to take out a student loan). There are options for you (but you are totally entitled feel really frustrated too).

If I was you id be utilising your care work and teaching degree to do something like art therapy or a qualification in SEN teaching.

Bit if you don't want to there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a carer. It's an extremely rewarding job and your clients need you more than people will ever know until they're the ones in need of care.

@Iwonder8.... Care work ' less stressful' have you been drinking?

I know people paying £650 pcm for a fancy 2 bed apartment in central Manchester up by the Flags, so it seems mad to me that you're paying £800 for a studio.

I think you need to move if you can. Why not live somewhere fun and trendy (and walkable) to perk yourself up a bit. That is possible in Manchester without kids.

You won't earn much in care unless you go for management, which takes time. I agree with a pp that maybe a social worker route might be an option? Or something like OT or physio assistant, when you can then get a funded degree for the main role through the employer? It's not going to help you now though, which is tough to deal with.

All that said, we desperately need carers like you in the industry (I would say profession, but let's face it, we're not paid or regarded as such, though we're expected to deliver) and it's a real shame that the pay and conditions are so rubbish that people who are good at the job are forced out by those. But please don't stay through goodwill or guilt either, you've got to do what's right for you at the right time.

I've never been a teacher, but 🤣 at care not being stressful.

Sounds like you have a few good options here OP. If I were you I would stop the socials until your feel better about your situation. Comparison the thief of joy, etc, and in my experience the show offs on the socials are the least happy.

The next question is, does your OH have the motivation or ideas to up their income as well? Remember this does not all sit on your shoulders.

Thanks again. My partner is being trained at work for a promotion which is a great start.
I’ve only been in this role (home care) for 2 months now, don’t want to seem like a job hopper if I move again so maybe should wait a few months first?
Social work does sound like a great idea as do the other suggestions.

I need to stop comparing myself with others. My dp has a friend who we met with his girlfriend recently. Their new build house has its own Instagram page, the girl said how she’s got a nice new car, and we were invited to stay in their spare room.
Just felt rubbish in comparison, but I really shouldn’t.

Op have you looked at local authority jobs. I made the leap from teaching to SEN caseworker many years ago and started off earning 32k, with good progression.

It does sound as if some career / life coaching could help you get back on track.

With your teaching qualifications and Carer experience, would you be interested in teaching in a school or unit for children with SEN? Look into doing a Makaton course (maybe), a post where your teaching qualifications are complemented with facilitation skills rather than classroom management? Since the class groups are smaller and greater support? And a proper teaching salary plus pension etc.

Any other experience such as sport or arts? An education post in an organisation that provides extra curricular opportunities in these areas?

It’s not all about the money and living situation. If you are fulfilled in your job you will feel better even if your salary is not especially high.

Have you looked at Civil Service jobs? Even as an AO, I earn just over £22k a year (I do work for one of the places that is the lowest pay in the CS), but the conditions are good and the pension not bad.

The paid social work training looks great. I really don’t think I should be a teacher, I am just not strict, I’ve been called ‘cute’ by pupils and I get told I’m too nice.
I’ve no idea how I passed the pgce. Adult education could be good in a college, the social work paid courses also look great, just looking at them now.