To not want to go on ‘nights out’ any more

[Lindylu74]

I always think of myself as an extrovert and throughout my 20s and 30s have always enjoyed going out with friends and spending time with other people. I’m now 46 and over the last few years I’ve become less and less keen on going out and in particular drinking alcohol. Since lockdown even more so. I do like seeing other people one on one and going for a walk or a coffee but the thought of a night out just makes me feel tired and want to stay in and watch telly or read my book. I feel like I’m going to start losing friendships as I’m actively avoiding going out when people ask. I also wonder if there’s something wrong with me as so many other women I know who are my age still love to go out drinking and on nights out. I feel like the odd one out! Anyone feel the same and any tips for not alienating people around you?

I’m in my early 40’s and feel exactly the same. Although lockdown showed me that I’m actually an introvert. I get my strength from being alone and recharging.

I’m embracing it. Lockdown gave me a chance to evaluate and I decided after many years of doing things I don’t want to do in the face of being a good friend/wife/mother/sibling I now know what makes me happy. And I’m going to do more of it. I’m choosing me.

It means seeing my friends for a coffee/run/walk or over a glass of wine at home. And if they don’t want to then I’m perfectly happy with my husband, hobbies and book for company.

It actually makes me feel empowered. I’m no longer the flakey friend. Yes my friendships have probably reduced if I’m honest, but I’m much happier for it.
X

I stopped nights out like that in my early 30s. Just not fun for me any more. I like to be in bed by midnight whatever I'm doing, I hate hangovers and feeling drunk and I hate wasting time feeling tired and ill the next day.
Thankfully I don't have any friends anymore who like that kind of night out. We are all watch a movie under a blanket at home types these days!

I think there’s a point when you stop bouncing back from late nights on the piss and they just don’t seem worth it any longer.

I'm 34 , no children and I cane to the same realisation this year. I'm so over drinking like that and all the faff of getting there and back.
Went to a gig with friend last night had one glass of wine..two gins and finished the night with a fucking 7up..and I'm delighted about it 🤣

Came*

I've never wanted to go on nights out, really. I don't think there's anything wrong with me because of that. Different people like different things, and we do change over time. You may lose some friends, but if the friendship is based on enjoying being together, there's no reason you can't do other things together, instead.

I'd rather be comfortably myself than force myself to do things I don't like just to keep someone else happy.

I’m 52 and enjoy nights out with my girlfriends, my DH or with my DH and another couple. I hardly drink, think one mini bottle of Prosecco a month. I enjoy meeting my friends at the cinema and having a coffee beforehand or a meal at my local pub where I feel very relaxed. When I go out with my DH I enjoy a meal or a trip to the cinema or theatre. I also enjoy having friends over for nibbles/bbq and to play a game. All these activities I enjoy without alcohol.
Occasionally I feel tired and am tempted to cancel a night out but 100% of the time I’m really pleased I went and feel the nights out enhance my life.

I’m 35 and started feeling like this before covid but still forced myself. Since lockdown it has really solidified my feelings on it. I’m just not interested. I’d rather meet one on one or in a small group and have a nice meal and proper conversation. I never want to wear heels again.

Most people grow out of it, quite honestly. The only reason nights out are useful is that they are a good way to catch up with several friends at once, when everyone is busy.
Certainly nothing wrong with you if you've stopped enjoying it. I love to see friends for a meal on an evening, or perhaps a coffee mid week, but always happy to get home sober and curl up with a book or head to bed at a reasonable

Yep this is me too, happy to go out one on one but not really in groups and I'm struggling to meet up with people that live further away from me that I used to go out with more regularly. I think I've become more the person I am, than the person they thought I was. I don't feel as though we have much in common anymore and I'm more private about my life. Drinking large amounts doesn't suit me either as I'm always wiped out the next day. In a way I wish I could go out more and be more extrovert but that's just not me.

@Cruiser11

I’m 52 and enjoy nights out with my girlfriends, my DH or with my DH and another couple. I hardly drink, think one mini bottle of Prosecco a month. I enjoy meeting my friends at the cinema and having a coffee beforehand or a meal at my local pub where I feel very relaxed. When I go out with my DH I enjoy a meal or a trip to the cinema or theatre. I also enjoy having friends over for nibbles/bbq and to play a game. All these activities I enjoy without alcohol. Occasionally I feel tired and am tempted to cancel a night out but 100% of the time I’m really pleased I went and feel the nights out enhance my life.

I don't think the OP meant she never likes going out The type of evening out you're describing isn't the kind of 'night out' the OP is talking about

I could be wrong of course and have misunderstood!

Exactly the same here op. I like a coffee with one to three friends or perhaps a meal out but hate the idea of a rowdy drunken night out.

CloseYourEyesAndSee I wasn’t sure if the OP meant any nights out or just nights out that involve drinking.

Yep. Though I’m considerably older than you. On rare occasions I go out with friends we arrange early meet-ups because by ten our beds are calling us. I went to a gig with dh this week and when it got to the third encore you could see people of a certain age looking at their watches.

Thank you everyone for your messages. It’s good to know I’m not the only one. I think a lot of it is about not wanting to get drunk or be hungover the next day. I do like being with other people just not a big night out, and maybe I just need to be ok with saying that to people when they ask!

What about a meal out in the evening?

You could suggest meeting earlier, you may be surprised that your friends think it’s a good idea.

I think 40s mid 40s, a lot of people go through this stage. I can't think of anything worse than 'going out in the piss' it's expensive, I'm knackered by 10pm and I hate hangovers which ruin the next day. Thankfully my friends have all transitioned about the same time. I much prefer an afternoon out, a wander around the shops, museum or national trust place, lunch somewhere nice, a few bottles of wine between us and we're all home, tucked up by 9/10pm.

I'm 48 and I got out a lot. Out of my door, right at the end of the house and into my greenhouse! I have everything there- a radio, a stash of drinks and snacks and (in winter) my pet quail.

I lack the energy and interest for socialising much, and as I get older, I find that I prefer my plants anyway!

We are early 60s and like afternoon eating/ drinking. Home by 7 to a box set. Can't drink like we used to but I still like a good bar/ pub

I'm 48 and I'd rather pull my teeth out than go to a pub or club and be surrounded by drunk idiots. Sounds horrible.

I'm nearly 30 and I think lockdown accelerated this for a lot of people! I still go out, but the gap between nights out is getting longer every time, I prefer to go out for a reason now e.g. gig, birthday meal etc. I wouldn't just go to the pub for the hell of it anymore.

I think it's the alcohol (well for me it is anyway.) I'm only in my 30s but hangovers are just not worth it anymore. I have DC so can't afford to waste the day after feeling exhausted and queasy and I don't bounce back from hangovers as easily as I did in my teens and 20s.

I love going out and seeing friends but ideally I want to go out for dinner and a couple of drinks, or meet at a café for a coffee and catch up. The thought of having a really late night or being totally drunk and therefore ill the next day just no longer appeals.

And yes, day drinking all the way now! Trying to get a taxi at 2am does not appeal anymore.