To not want to go on ‘nights out’ any more

[Lindylu74]

I always think of myself as an extrovert and throughout my 20s and 30s have always enjoyed going out with friends and spending time with other people. I’m now 46 and over the last few years I’ve become less and less keen on going out and in particular drinking alcohol. Since lockdown even more so. I do like seeing other people one on one and going for a walk or a coffee but the thought of a night out just makes me feel tired and want to stay in and watch telly or read my book. I feel like I’m going to start losing friendships as I’m actively avoiding going out when people ask. I also wonder if there’s something wrong with me as so many other women I know who are my age still love to go out drinking and on nights out. I feel like the odd one out! Anyone feel the same and any tips for not alienating people around you?

@Molly499 Where did I mention alcohol ? Quite pathetic when people jump to conclusions.

[quote userxx]@Molly499 Where did I mention alcohol ? Quite pathetic when people jump to conclusions.[/quote]
@Reallyimeanreally2022 You class that as extreme ? Jesus, you'd be scarred if you did a night out with my lot 😏

So, no alcohol? Or was the pp safe in her assumption?

I've felt like that since my mid twenties. My adult daughter is going the same way. I love seeing my friends but in someone's house or a quiet restaurant not in a noisy bar (or worse still, a club). And once or twice a week is more than enough. Nothing beats a quiet night in with a pot of herb tea/glass of wine , some candles or a fire in the log burner and in bed by 10pm.

This sounds terrible, and I love the bones of my friends, but I really can't be arsed with them for more than an hour or two at a time. The 6 of us went out before the second lockdown for one of those taster menus - 7 courses of small food and a small glass of wine with each one. It was soooooo long. So long. About three and a half hours. I just kept thinking, 'This could have been tapas. It would be so much better as tapas'. I'm tired now just thinking about it.

Freezing in the taxi queue, so glad I never have to do that again

I know what you mean!! I prefer quality time over quantity whilst I'm a working Mum of young kids!

I have a few friends/ family members who are always trading weekends away with their spouses. The spouse left on duty seems like their in hell for the whole weekend solo parenting. But they say it's worth it for their weekend off! A few hours/ half a day is plenty for me these days to catch up with friends. Will occasionally do an overnighter but I don't crave it anymore like I did when I was younger. Each to their own I guess. I have a greater appreciation for my lovely bed and home comforts as I approach 40 :)

I love reading all the responses on this thread! I felt insecure about this dilemma myself as I also feel most of my peer group still love nights out and weekends away. I'm 40 in a few months with young kids and a lovely husband/ home. I love seeing my friends but it's usually twice a month or so and I much prefer to catch up over lunch/ dinner/ a walk/ over a tea/ cinema than a night out!

I also rarely drink alcohol anymore, it just doesn't make me feel good these days. I worry the pandemic made me somewhat anti-social but I spend over a decade partying hard so really don't feel like I am missing any of that! Even though I've been told I look young for my age, I feel old when I go to bars, and a lot of the people there are 15 - 20 years younger than me!!

@ManchesterMama1 I feel you. My peer group are the same - weekends away and mad nights out. I shudder at the thought these days. The pandemic has made me very anti-social. I'm happy with lunch and a few drinks then home or a quiet pub early eve and home by 10.30/11pm.
The last year work has exploded for me in terms of how busy I am. On top of that, my home to-do list also seems to have exploded even though there are no more or less of us at home than usual (humans or pets!). I much rather prefer to be at home these days. I worry I will lose friendships as I want to do less and less socially, but that's not because of the people. Maybe I need to start organising afternoons out for things I like doing. Trouble is, those in the group who are party-goers will want to be out till 1am type of thing and will expect me to do the same.

I'm almost 50

@SarahBellam

I think this sounds lovely- spending time with friends, nice food, wine etc

why were you wishing for it to be over?
what would you have rather been doing instead?

@Reallyimeanreally2022

you see that as extreme?!

you wanna let your hair down a bit!

This!

or maybe some people on here just aren’t bothered about having friends? 🤷‍♀️

37 and hate it too. Have done for a good few years.
Night in with a takeaway and good telly is what I enjoy most.

Zombie thread.

But also, yes, I agree.

I wouldn't want to go clubbing any more, but really enjoy a night to the theatre or a meal, I often drive too so there is no issue around drinking (but, I do like to go out and not drink too).

We've had to create another chat group for one of my friendship groups as one person won't go out in the evening and it's too tricky with everyone's work schedule to meet up for more than 30 minutes during the day. It's either meet without her or not meet up.

Dinner with friends, yes, although I mostly choose not to drink.
going for a drink with a friend, yes.
going on the piss with a group of friends? Haven’t done that since my early 30s, and I don’t actually know anyone who does that anymore (I’m 48). Sometimes you see Facebook pictures of acquaintances, but it always looks forced.

I feel this way at 29 so at 46 it’s more than reasonable!

I'm 31. Never wanted to go out on a night out and still don't. Think that's perfectly fine.

Ach, I'm the other way! 48 years old, moved to a great town with a fabulous music scene where I regularly take my guitar down and jam with the rest of them. Straight there after work, pint of beer, couple hours of music, great laugh. I do tend to leave by 8pm tho and I am in bed for 10. There are nights I dont go iyt too, but I get on so well with everyone and have such fun, I adore it.

Before the move, I had less friends and felt sad more. Ironically I gave up drinking when I moved and started going out. I didn't want to do the wrong thing.

Yes but are these really friends? I had countless social buddies over the years whom I had many drunken, fun nights out with. When all that fell away, there were very few meaningful friendships to come out of it!