To not want to go on ‘nights out’ any more

[Lindylu74]

I always think of myself as an extrovert and throughout my 20s and 30s have always enjoyed going out with friends and spending time with other people. I’m now 46 and over the last few years I’ve become less and less keen on going out and in particular drinking alcohol. Since lockdown even more so. I do like seeing other people one on one and going for a walk or a coffee but the thought of a night out just makes me feel tired and want to stay in and watch telly or read my book. I feel like I’m going to start losing friendships as I’m actively avoiding going out when people ask. I also wonder if there’s something wrong with me as so many other women I know who are my age still love to go out drinking and on nights out. I feel like the odd one out! Anyone feel the same and any tips for not alienating people around you?

I've been like this since my early 20s. Last time I stepped foot in a night club was over 8 years ago.
If I drink (which is rare despite my SN ) it's at home. I don't have the energy to be clubbing with drunken idiots who just want to get off their face on drugs or have a fight. Not my cuppa tea.

You could suggest having a meal and then people that want to go on to bars and clubs can and you can get off home.

Mid 40's and the thought of a "night out" fills me with dread.

I'm all about the 6pm meet ups these days, a nice meal, a glass of wine, home by 9.30pm for PJ's, a cup of tea and a film or read my book.

Having gone out for years like this but havent set foot in a pub since Feb 2020
Saved a fortune as well , I have no desire to start breaking my new trend

I used to love going out for dinner and drinks but I've noticed I don't hanker after it so much these days, although I still love seeing my friends in other settings and genereally spending time together, so it's not that I've gone off them!

I've recently realised how much I enjoy having acquaintances that I'm friendly with - people I can happily spend 30 mins chatting with and I enjoy their company but have no expectations on either side or weeks of 'trying to get a date in'.

I'm the same, much prefer to meet up in small groups or one to one if possible. Happy to go for a pub meal and just have a couple of drinks. Alcohol tolerance has gone right down. I'm 46 and always tired. Agree that late night and feeling awful the next day are no longer worth it. Also love meeting friends to go shopping though or to go for a coffee.

I can’t believe that nobody has suggested going out but not drinking, alcohol is not compulsory and you can still have a great time.

I'm way past wanting to go from bar to bar and then out dancing.

But I love meeting people out for a drink or cocktails, then on for a great meal (doesn't have to be fancy, it's more about the company). I got so used to staying in during lockdown I thought I didn't miss it, but then when I got hauled out with friends it felt amazing. I think it's because when we're out we are child free, whereas in someone's house somebody is still on call.

Most people grow out of it, quite honestly

What socialising? No they don’t. Loads of older people socialise lots. Doesn’t mean they get hammered. If you don’t ever want to spend time with your friends you probably just don’t like them that much!

I've found my people
I'm mid 40s. A few years ago my friends wanted to go out on either a fri or sat night every weekend. It was messy, the places we went to were rubbish with the dregs of town. Loads of drunk people, id6 spend loads of money and have no idea what I spent it on drinks wise. Next day spent hanging and a total write off as recovering.
My friends still want to do this but fortunately not nearly as much. I'm happy with a local bar, good food and drinks, where we can actually hear each other. No smashed glass on the floor or vinegar tasting wine.
I've worked out all the weekends I'm seeing friends between now and Xmas and what we are doing. We are not having a single messy, loud night out in the grottiest of pubs - thank the lord.
I actually just want to quietly melt away in the social background. lockdown has made me realise that I'm a bit of an introvert and I love my own company/being at home - even though I mostly loathe my H

I catch up with my friends hiking and park run - we often go for a cup of tea afterwards.

I also go for meals if it's a special occasion- difficult to get everyone together these days though.

I will also meet up with 1-2 friends to go for a coffee, cinema and very occasionally a cocktail or too. I'm always home and in bed by 11 though.

The thought of a big night out makes me shudder. The last clubbing night I went to was when I was 38. I decided there and then that was the last one.

Wow I’ve found my people, I really don’t enjoy going out at night anymore, I’m happy with lunch, cocktails & home by 8! I’m also happy with an early dinner & no alcohol.

I work in a small company and they have booked our Christmas get together lunch, drinks, more drinks & an overnight pyjama party with drinking games. I’m praying I break an arm or something!!

I’m with you OP. I’ve never been a big party animal but I am an extrovert and live spending time with people. I just don’t want to do it in a noisy pub, spending a fortune and with the prospect of a hangover the next day. I’d rather go for a walk, meet for coffee or s couple beers, either one to one or just a small group. I hate late nights, and I’m past the age of pretending otherwise!

I've never liked nights out. I used to go out on the town and go clubbing etc because I thought that that was what you had to do ona Friday and Saturday night. When I was in my early - mid 20s I realised that, actually, it's not sad to stay in and I felt quite liberated! I am now in my early 40s and haven't been in a pub at night for years. My siblings are of a similar age, and have dependent children, but go out out regularly or, if they can't, have house parties where everyone gets drunk and then fall out. It all depends on what you enjoy.

I am 36 and already hitting this. However I don't know many people with children who still want big nights out so it's not an issue! Our crowd like a chilled out afternoon barbecue in summer, or a sunday roast in winter. No one can be bothered with a late night.

Late 40s here. I like to socialise and be involved in the community, but just not in the late evenings! There are quite a few "alpha socialites" where I live who still seem to enjoy going out to costume parties etc, but I find that so boring and unappealing. I notice I have shifted my social life to earlier in the day and with some different people now, and I am much happier!

We now only go to matinees

We went on a rare evening theatre night and both complained so much about it being too late and wanting to be home on the couch we're never doing it again

Oh I’ve always been like this. Going out is far too overrated. It’s bloody expensive, I’d rather be in bed at, or just after 9pm & drinking too much is like giving yourself a dose of self-imposed flu the day after. Also, you worry about getting there/back.

Add kids to the mix & the inevitable stress of actually getting time to get ready beforehand, making the transformation from knackered mum to someone who vaguely resembles a normal, lively human being & I’m out. I just can’t be arsed with the expense, the stress, the faff of transport, the monumental effort I need to make to look nice. And often you end up having to talk to people who you don’t know, because all your mates are pissed & have decided to be over-friendly with the table of people across the other side of the pub.

Nah. I’d rather watch a cool film & have a hot chocolate. Then my lovely bed.

I’m 39

I still love going out for meals and drinks but a big fat no to clubs or bar crawling after. Definitely changed over lockdown. I dont like standing up all night, getting involved with single mates trying to pull and all of that which was hilarious once just isnt any more. My friend is still get pissed and her mates are snogging Randoms with much hilarity. It sounds exhausting 🤣

I'm much much older than you and i still love getting dressed up and going out with my friends and with my husband. Admittedly we go out earlier now and come home earlier. I love to see what everyone is wearing. Don't often go out on a work night but I only have about 2 free Saturdays from now until Christmas, they are all booked up with social engagements.

I have stopped drinking alcohol completely during lockdown. I still go out when I am asked/invited though. I just don't drink so that means a reasonable early night in most cases.

I’m trying to coax my work colleagues into going out for lunch instead of our Christmas night out. I really don’t think I could bare a Christmas party night ever again! Apart from anything I don’t think I could cope with wearing a bra all night!

Bear* I seem to have forgotten how to spell in lockdown

I used to be a complete party animal but since DC I think I've had one tipsy night out in the last seven years! I drink at home but have no idea how I'd fare out on the piss these days and wouldn't like my kids to catch me like that anyway. I'm 43.

The school mums are planning a full on Christmas night out and the thought of dressing up, paying for a taxi, and pissing the best part of £100 up the wall with nothing to show for it just seems like a nonsense now. I really need to make friends but have made my excuses!

Hmm yeah I'm early 30s with young children and I don't go on nights out anymore, I feel a lot of pressure from people but I make my excuses. It just feels like too much effort and then I still have a early morning wake up call. Give me pjs and glass of wine any day