To not want to go on ‘nights out’ any more

[Lindylu74]

I always think of myself as an extrovert and throughout my 20s and 30s have always enjoyed going out with friends and spending time with other people. I’m now 46 and over the last few years I’ve become less and less keen on going out and in particular drinking alcohol. Since lockdown even more so. I do like seeing other people one on one and going for a walk or a coffee but the thought of a night out just makes me feel tired and want to stay in and watch telly or read my book. I feel like I’m going to start losing friendships as I’m actively avoiding going out when people ask. I also wonder if there’s something wrong with me as so many other women I know who are my age still love to go out drinking and on nights out. I feel like the odd one out! Anyone feel the same and any tips for not alienating people around you?

Yanbu I'm your age and gave up "nights out" years ago in my early 30s, yes it coincided with children but I think I'd have been the same without them, I've no desire to go out drinking regularly, I'd imagine covid time has been great for you as an excuse to stay in, embrace it

I’m only 32 and feel the same. I do like an evening out one to one or with a very small group, enjoying casual drinking. The thought of getting wasted and having a huge hangover the next day or going to a club is a definite no! (I’m currently pregnant with my first but felt the same long before the pregnancy).
I have a few younger friends in early 20’s who repeatedly asked me to clubbing nights out when clubs opened again. I always said nah, let’s meet for lunch sometime instead.

I’m 38 and feel exactly the same! I partied hard when I was younger but now am pretty much teetotal. The hangovers are just not worth it (almost immediate) and I started to feel like I was allergic to alcohol! Plus I realised that I am much more comfortable socialising 1.1 on a walk or with a coffee. I too worry about losing friendships and being a bit boring but maybe it’s time to please myself now?

I'm just here for the pet quail.

We are a group of ladies in our 60s . We meet every few weeks for dinner and drinks but usually quite early . We have been known to venture into clubs at Christmas and we do enjoy live music but we mainly want to chat and catch up . I found lockdown so boring but was fortunate to be able to continue going out to work . I have never been able to sit and watch TV for hours .

Op is talking about a very different thing, to what some posters are referring to.

If you've gone off socialising because covid had taught you that you are more more introverted than you had realised then fine.

It's had almost the opposite effect on me. I shared more with my few closest friends and I now see them more.

But not for 2 am pissed. Why all the references to being pissed. Any party or bbq I go to, no one takes a blind bit of notice if anyone is drinking 2 bottles of Prosecco or one Diet Coke.

Us 3 friends regularly meet up for curry and wine at 7pm. On a school night. But I don't get drunk. And I'm tucked up in bed by 10.30pm.

Why does it need to be so extreme?

I'm just the right side of 50, for the next few months, and the last thing I enjoy now is a night out.

There is a work thing tomorrow night as a load of us are in the office on Wednesday. My perfect excuse is the fact I won't get there in time for when we are all meant to meet up. I could be there, but will make sure I'm not. I'm normally wanting to get to the hotel as early as I can, tomorrow not so much.

They are welcome to trawl the pubs and a restaurant. I'll happily relax in my room with a cup of tea and the TV.

I feel so much better reading all these messages. There are so many of you feeling the same that I don’t Feel like the odd one out. I’m going to try and embrace how I feel instead of giving myself a hard time about it and telling myself I’m boring! I’m with everyone on preferring a lunch or afternoon out. Tbh I haven’t really tried a night out not drinking at all, I just tend to find an excuse not to go out instead but maybe that’s an option, will give it a go.

@BlueBell50

Same here, I’m clearly older than most here but I’ve never been a real party animal. I enjoy meals out with DH and friends but the office Christmas do fills me with dread. For many years I sat wondering how soon I could leave without it appearing rude but a couple of years ago decided I would be happier at home...and I was. The invite has just gone out for this year and I was happy that I could be myself and just say no. Wished them all a great night, look forward to hearing all the stories and seeing the photos but I’ll be happy at home.

It's a great feeling when you get the self confidence to just decline the invitations, isn't it? I'm another who enjoys being sociable but 'night out' is shorthand for a late night plus booze, ime. Good for anyone who still enjoys that - I never did personally, but went along with it a few times. I've not ended up friendless as a result of not going on nights out - far from it!

Pleased you discovered that you are in good company @Lindylu74

I don’t understand how nights out have to mean you drink. I go out once a week and get twitchy if I go much longer than a week without going out. I hardly ever drink, I go out with people that do like a drink and with others that don’t. I don’t focus my evening social life around alcohol one way or the other.

I was a cocktails after work, clubbing type till I had DS when I was 34.

The last pub I went in was a canal side one a couple of months ago. We bought some beer and then took it back to the boat and drank it with our lunch.

I have found a nice solution
Meeting for a drink at 5. Two small glasses of wine, a good chat, stroll home by 7.30

No late night, no hangover but still been sociable

I only do it once every 6 weeks or so but gives me that sense of a “night out” without the downside

@Cruiser11

I don’t understand how nights out have to mean you drink. I go out once a week and get twitchy if I go much longer than a week without going out. I hardly ever drink, I go out with people that do like a drink and with others that don’t. I don’t focus my evening social life around alcohol one way or the other.

Presumably you’re going to a pub though? Rather focused on alcohol!

Or are you going out for dinner with friends once a week?

@Oblomov21

Op is talking about a very different thing, to what some posters are referring to.

If you've gone off socialising because covid had taught you that you are more more introverted than you had realised then fine.

It's had almost the opposite effect on me. I shared more with my few closest friends and I now see them more.

But not for 2 am pissed. Why all the references to being pissed. Any party or bbq I go to, no one takes a blind bit of notice if anyone is drinking 2 bottles of Prosecco or one Diet Coke.

Us 3 friends regularly meet up for curry and wine at 7pm. On a school night. But I don't get drunk. And I'm tucked up in bed by 10.30pm.

Why does it need to be so extreme?

But what you’ve described is precisely what many of us do regard as extreme!

A mid week curry out and some drink and back by 10.30

I don’t drink during the week, I’m in my pjs at 8 and fast asleep by 10!

Things have changed for me with age. Definitely more walks and coffee. But I also go out for a meal with a friend and little or no alcohol is involved. Or meet for an early drink and then be home by 8.30. But I'd not like to go out at all in the evenings - I live alone as divorced and both kids at uni so I like to have some evening company rather than watching TV alone every night.

@Reallyimeanreally2022 You class that as extreme ? Jesus, you'd be scarred if you did a night out with my lot 😏

Reallyimeanreally2022 yes dinner in a pub, some friends order wine, some diet cokes, some tea. We all or both (depending how many people I meet) have a good laugh and giggle, there isn’t a divide between the friends who have had a drink or not.

[quote userxx]@Reallyimeanreally2022 You class that as extreme ? Jesus, you'd be scarred if you did a night out with my lot 😏[/quote]
Yep

But that’s sort of the thrust of the thread.

Not wanting to go out in the evening. So not really that surprising surely

I'm very surprised you class a mid week curry and being tucked up by 10.30 as extreme. Each to their own though.

@userxx

I'm very surprised you class a mid week curry and being tucked up by 10.30 as extreme. Each to their own though.

Exactly

It’s extreme for ME
Not extreme per se

I'm 42 and love a night out. It's not like I do it very often. I haven't since I was much younger. But I love to dance. I genuinely couldn't careless about drinking but I could dance all night. Lockdown has done the opposite for me. I had long covid for the first lockdown but for the second/third ones I spent so much time just dancing and dancing. I can't wait until nightclubs reopen (Ireland) and I get to go out again. It's not like I'll do it often, I have a small child. My main worry is that at home I've been dancing like an enthusiastic teenager in front of my bedroom mirror. So I have developed many, many moves that will be way too embarrassing to be seen in public. The amount of songs that have 'drop to my/your knees' in the lyrics is astounding, and I take it as a command!

userxx
@Reallyimeanreally2022 You class that as extreme ? Jesus, you'd be scarred if you did a night out with my lot 😏

But this is what is wrong with people in this country, measuring a good time on how much alcohol has been consumed, quite pathetic really.

Go to a pub, go clubbing, do whatever you fancy doing but alcohol is optional and not compulsory. Those that think that one is not possible without the other should take a long hard look at themselves.

trancepants another indoor dancer here, any good music on the TV and I’m up and bopping about much to the amusement of my DH.

I’m not sure when I stopped the big nights out. It might have been when I returned from living abroad and not long after met my husband. I’m a binge drinker when I get going and not a very nice drunk so I went off alcohol a while ago. I wouldn’t be doing much night outing at 36wks pregnant anyway, but it doesn’t feel like something I’ll be wanting to go back to even when I can!

Of course you’re not being unreasonable, each to their own, you should do what makes you happy. However, there is a happy medium between bed at 8pm with a cup of horlicks and absolutely 4am carnage.

I’m 43. My nights out still happen but are far more sedate - earlier starts and finishes, quieter bars / pubs or a nice meal out. On Saturday I was out between 2pm and 8pm going round some brewery taps in my local area. Fairly sedately paced drinking, good conversation and company. Back home and feet up by 9pm, no sign of a hangover on Sunday.