To not want to go on ‘nights out’ any more

[Lindylu74]

I always think of myself as an extrovert and throughout my 20s and 30s have always enjoyed going out with friends and spending time with other people. I’m now 46 and over the last few years I’ve become less and less keen on going out and in particular drinking alcohol. Since lockdown even more so. I do like seeing other people one on one and going for a walk or a coffee but the thought of a night out just makes me feel tired and want to stay in and watch telly or read my book. I feel like I’m going to start losing friendships as I’m actively avoiding going out when people ask. I also wonder if there’s something wrong with me as so many other women I know who are my age still love to go out drinking and on nights out. I feel like the odd one out! Anyone feel the same and any tips for not alienating people around you?

I like a night out with 4 friends every couple of months and in between an evening every couple of weeks on a one to one round a friends house with a chat and a bottle of wine — I also enjoy a good gig fairly regularly — I do think what you enjoy on a regular basis often changes after your late 30s— mine certainly changed after a night out with a single mum mate chatting up and trying to get off with randoms , whilst I was married — I just thought ‘I’m paying for the privilege of not having fun’

My very dear best friend still absolutely loves a 'big night out'. We had 1 for her 50th, 2 years ago, bars, drinks, more drinks, home at 3am.
The feeling of being hungover, shattered & depressed the next day has stayed with me all this time. She's talking excitedly about doing it again this year but I'm so so over that sort of night out. I like going out for the afternoon & having drinks & dinner then home for 10pm!!

She stays over as well so there's a certain amount of entertaining to do, not easy when you just want to curl up & sleep!

I'm nearly 30 and I feel this soooo much!!
My nights out consist of going to cinema then for a nice dinner and a few glasses of wine with two of our friends, another married couple, or maybe watching a silly movie at home and having a few laughs with them. Once in a blue moon would I go to a bar to get drunk- it costs too much and wastes your whole next day.

A night out on the drink - awful

An extended boozy lunch, home for 8pm - awesome

No hangover when you do it that way

I am the same. See friends for lunch or brunch on weekends. People can bring their kids or pets if they want. I still keep in touch this way.

Some days I have projects to catch up on so prefer to stay in and complete them, then other times my presence is requested, it's trying to balance my time and activities with the demands for my presence.

@ParadiseLaundry

A night out on the drink - awful

An extended boozy lunch, home for 8pm - awesome

No hangover when you do it that way

Yes!!! I always aim for 8pm, it's usually 10.30ish but I feel absolutely fine the next day. Boozy afternoons are definitely the way forward.

I've spent the whole day hungover and paranoid. I have a mountain of work that isn't going to get done.
Not worth it.

@ParadiseLaundry have you never had a late afternoon hangover. The absolute pits, no kidding.

The school mums are planning a full on Christmas night out and the thought of dressing up, paying for a taxi, and pissing the best part of £100 up the wall with nothing to show for it just seems like a nonsense now. I really need to make friends but have made my excuses

Well it sounds like making friends would be what you ‘have to show for it’. You can’t make friends if you don’t interact with people.

[quote FangsForTheMemory]@ParadiseLaundry have you never had a late afternoon hangover. The absolute pits, no kidding.[/quote]
Hmm, I think I know what you mean, but this only happens if you go too hard to early (from the experience of going to weddings and being nervous so drinking loads, peaking too early, then feeling shit for the rest of the day). But then even when that does happen you can go to bed and then you've already done the hangover so you feel fine the next day

I have become a bit of a hermit since lockdown. Have also given up alcohol more or less. But, I can still imagine having a good night out in theory. Just don’t feel like doing it. It is all very strange. I think I might just need to get back on the horse at some point.

I love to go out with my husband or to meet friends in the day for drinks then go for a late lunch or early dinner, home by 7.00 with a cup of tea. I still really enjoy that, but I think that’s because I do it rarely enough - maybe every few months or even longer.

I can’t remember the last time I went out for an actual night out come to think of it. Even for my 40th I planned a lunchtime celebration, that one did go on a bit longer but I was still in bed by 10.30

@userxx yes!

I remember reading somewhere that one of the contributing factors for feeling ill with a hangover, along with dehydration and the preservatives, sulphites etc in the alcohol was that you usually are drinking on a night time when you should be asleep and missing hours of sleep will make you feel a lot worse.

Don't worry OP, I'm coming up to 23 and not at all keen on a night out! Life's too short to worry, do what makes you happiest

@TopTabby - can we be friends. This is SO my besties type of night out, but def no longer mine. Couldn't think of anything worse. As you say, afternoon drinks then dinner then bed at a decent time. Bliss

I’m early 40s and the same, have been for a number of years. I used to go out loads in my 20s and now wonder whether I was just convincing myself that I liked it. I hardly drink anymore and love am early night, can’t believe I ever wasted so much time, energy and money on drunken nights out and the ensuing hangovers.

I'm 38 and I much prefer kindle and wine on the sofa with my cat.

And DH I suppose.

YANBU. I’ve never really been a massive fan of nights out drinking but used to do it because I felt like i should. Now I’m old enough to just not do things I don’t want to do.
I like to socialise but I don’t like to go out and get drunk.

Me too,gave up alcohol new year 2000 and keep robbing off nights out,got one planned for 3 weeks time and already building myself up to say "actually I'm not feeling it".

This is me to a tee! Always wish I could let my hair down like I did well into my 30s. But don’t have the energy, drinking ability or stamina any longer! Some of my friends are still largin it at approaching 50 but I do think it is due to alcohol dependency rather than a genuine lust for life. there is nothing wrong with you OP.

Fair enough Flowers - years ago I'd have definitely have bonded with people over booze and thought nothing of it. Now the idea of getting wazzocked with people I'll have to face again is far too much of a risk! I could drive and not drink but I'd feel crazy self conscious trying to latch on to someone to talk to, and wouldn't enjoy it at all. Will have to try something else!

Actually I have found sober socialising is great. I have had some good nights out sober, however I still don’t sleep well so still feel tired next day (but alas not hung over!).

Same here, I’m clearly older than most here but I’ve never been a real party animal. I enjoy meals out with DH and friends but the office Christmas do fills me with dread. For many years I sat wondering how soon I could leave without it appearing rude but a couple of years ago decided I would be happier at home...and I was. The invite has just gone out for this year and I was happy that I could be myself and just say no. Wished them all a great night, look forward to hearing all the stories and seeing the photos but I’ll be happy at home.