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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it’s unfair single-sex schools aren’t an option for many (perhaps even most)?

408 replies

patienceandprudence · 02/10/2021 22:59

I have one single sex state school (and in fact there is only one private) in my county. It is in the county town, which we are not in the catchment for. It would take an hour and half to get to by public transport anyway.

Since it has been proven many times over that girls do better in single sex schools, why on earth aren’t there more options for those of us not in 11+ counties? I think it’s a great shame, and it doesn’t seem to be a thing that’s even being thought about.

OP posts:
theSunday · 03/10/2021 00:52

@Anniissa

There was a really interesting programme on the pros and cons of single sex education, particularly for girls, on radio 4 thus week. Assume it is still available to catch up. There was some really interesting research discussed. In relation to sexual harassment, the point was made that principle engagement is over the internet now so going to an all girls school didn’t stop the unasked for dick pics and sexual grooming/harassment.
Agree with @Evesgarden, it sounds a bit like it minimises the harassment in school. You know, online harassment be blocked, which is different to facing it in person every day
caketiger · 03/10/2021 00:53

Schools socialise you for adult life. Single sex schools do not. I went to one. Didn't know how to deal with boys at all.

Evesgarden · 03/10/2021 00:54

@caketiger

Schools socialise you for adult life. Single sex schools do not. I went to one. Didn't know how to deal with boys at all.
How strange.
over2021 · 03/10/2021 00:55

@Valhalla17

Frankly I view them as necessary to keep our daughters safe.

Please dont assume my son is a violent sexual predator...or that he will grow up to be one.

Please don't assume your son won't be.
AndThenInTheEnd · 03/10/2021 00:55

I have two single sex state options for my DS and a mixed comp. The girls state options are absolutely excellent, meaning the mixed comp is 70% boys 30% girls which feels downright unsafe to me for the girls, lots of men and few women surely being the worst of all options for girls?

Anyway, the parents here are constantly up
in arms about the lack of any real mixed sex provision. It’s a constant irritant and in year 5 parents move out in their droves.

So essentially, we all want something different and I am sure LAs can’t win.

over2021 · 03/10/2021 01:01

I agree OP. I went to a single sex school and for me it was the only option for my daughter. We are lucky to have two girls grammars and a catholic girls school in commuting distance.

It's not about 'agreeing with' schools. It's a fact that girls perform better in a single sex learning environment. It's also a fact that the fewer boys at school the less likely my DD is to be harassed or assaulted at school- a sad fact. Theres no more or less bitching at the all girls school than the other schools nearby- if anything the things friends describe are worse than anything DD had told me. If the same findings were true of young men we'd have segregated schooling as standard.

Valhalla17 · 03/10/2021 01:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

over2021 · 03/10/2021 01:03

@caketiger

Schools socialise you for adult life. Single sex schools do not. I went to one. Didn't know how to deal with boys at all.
This is rubbish. My DD goes to a single sex school but has many outside interests and hobbies that not only prepare her for adulthood but means she has regular contact with (shock horror!) boys.
Nancydrawn · 03/10/2021 01:05

So very very glad I went co-ed.

That said, I know some women who loved their single-sex schools.

theSunday · 03/10/2021 01:07

@Valhalla17

over2021

What a scumbag you are to say such a thing. My son wont be like you, that's for certain.

Why are you so annoyed about this comment? It wasn’t an attack it was just stating something. I have a son too and it’s always good to have open eyes.
Anniissa · 03/10/2021 01:08

Sorry in phone so can’t quote but absolutely not minimising the risks in school which were very clearly pointed out in the Panorama programme just acknowledging that being in a single sex school does not mean no exposure to sexual harassment and grooming and pressure to send sexual images etc.

theSunday · 03/10/2021 01:14

At the end of the day, single sex/mixed is just a debate and everyone has their personal choices, but someone unthread was spot on saying that we need resources to change society, do you think that could happen?

TableFlowerss · 03/10/2021 01:18

Single sex schools? Are you winding me up? The way things are going these days, they will be a thing of the past very soon. Women/girls allowed their own space?…. Nahhh won’t be allowed soon 🙄

elenacampana · 03/10/2021 01:20

@patienceandprudence

I remember desperately wishing to go to a girl’s school and one of my DD’s recently said she wished she could. It’s never going to be perfect because a couple hundred teenagers are never all going to get along, but it’s surely better to put up with ‘bitchiness’ (hate that word) than to deal with the co-ed environment which is quite frankly boy-dominant and rife with sexual harassment.
I didn’t experience any sexual harassment at school from the boys. I did experience years of bitching and bullying from the girls that left me a bit of a tormented soul for a very long time and that took years of therapy to go some way to fixing. I’m expecting a daughter myself, she won’t go to a single sex school. For me, segregation of anything is not the answer.
ohnana · 03/10/2021 01:36

Are you sure about that op? I only ask as I know where I am, the single sex schools always present the results v co-ed completely as it often shows higher results, but if you take only the girls results out from the co-ed schools they are usually higher than the girls only schools. All how they present the data.

RedMarauder · 03/10/2021 05:17

@caketiger

Schools socialise you for adult life. Single sex schools do not. I went to one. Didn't know how to deal with boys at all.
Didn't you have any hobbies?

Didn't you have brothers?

timeisnotaline · 03/10/2021 05:43

My daughter will absolutely go to a single sex school. Space to focus and develop as girls, encourage stem without being crowded out by boys, to both attempt and achieve at sports without being the lesser team.
I went to two single sex high schools, have very close girlfriends I still chat to most days from both and it’s not because I was even remotely cool or queen bitch that I loved them. I went onto study and work in stem and having for most of my life since I was 18 been the only or one of a small minority of women in the room/team, I’ve never had any issues getting on with boys/men. Make your assumptions if you like that we are all hothoused half developed half people who have no idea that men are people too, but it’s not correct.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 03/10/2021 05:48

It's more unfair that only a small number can access smaller class sizes, more attention to their individual needs, fantastic facilities, excellent teachers, and a wide range of extra curricular activities.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 03/10/2021 05:55

I went to an All girls sixth form after mixed Secondary, studying Maths and Sciences. It wasn't until I was there I realised how much the boys just dominated the classroom talked overwhelming girls etc. We just didn't bother trying to answer. It was overall a lot more pleasent experience.

Insert1x20p · 03/10/2021 05:58

The problem is that single sex boys schools are far less popular than single sex girls school, so, as a previous poster indicated, if you have single sex schools, then it tends to skew the ratio in the co-ed schools because more girls go single sex than boys. That becomes an issue for councils so they’d probably rather it was all co-ed for max admissions flexibility. I imagine that outweighs the potential benefits/ parental choice.

Mumobag · 03/10/2021 06:08

I'll be sending DD to our local girls high school if I can get her in. DH teaches there and they do a lot of extra sport and STEM stuff, and their results are consistently excellent.
I'm unconvinced by people arguing that single sex educated adults don't know how to talk to the opposite sex - surely they can still mix socially in extracurricular clubs, youth groups etc.

PennyWus · 03/10/2021 06:14

I went to an excellent selective co-ed, 60% boys. I had friends but the girls could be very, very bitchy and bullying especially in years 7 to 10. Having boys there didnt help as they didnt really want girls hanging out with them until Y10 to Y12.

I'm sending DD to a local comprehensive which is all girls until Y12. Of course I'm aware of the pitfalls: potentially bitchy and cliquey, not spending time with boys as you grow up. But the academic results are always excellent, there is no gender bias in STEM subjects, there is masses of opportunity in extra-curricular groups for girls. And yes, a big factor is much lower chance of sexual harassment when not faced with boys every day.

The alternative is a very well-regarded, Ofsted outstanding co-ed comprehensive, whose intake is 60% boys, where the results are less impressive and not a single girl is sitting Computer Science or Further Maths A' level in Y12 or Y13, and yet all the pupils taking English Lit A level are girls! The school blame this on self-selection and say there's nothing that can be done about it, they have tried but girls just don't want to do maths or computing. I got told by the senior Computer Science teacher that the only girls who ever opt for the subject "have to be a very strong character and prepared to put themselves out there"... why? I can only guess because they are stuck in a classroom of boys who behave in a way that is intimidating and off-putting. In the neighbouring girls' school the STEM subjects are very popular, it doesn't occur to the girls there that whole areas of the curriculum are off limits.

Plus the co-ed school has gone down the rabbit hole regarding Trans children, and is fully supportive of social transition and I'm really not there yet.

It is depressing as I would probably ideally like a co-ed for my DD but I'm not putting her in an environment that is possibly even MORE gender-stereotyped than when I was at school!

I went to uni with lots of boys and girls from single-sex schools, yes a few (notably from the big-name public schools) were awkward or behaved in a peculiar way around the opposite sex, but mostly these were confident, well-adjusted and not really different to the other people I knew. And obviously hadn't lived in complete isolation from the opposite sex, via siblings and extra-curricular activities.

On balance I've come down "for" all girls schools, to my complete surprise. And I'm glad we have the choice in my town.

icklekid · 03/10/2021 06:15

I went to all girls grammar- no issue socialising with boys, the boys was next door went on same buses, joint drama clubs etc. The biggest benefit for me which I didn’t realise until uni was there eas no gender stereotypes for subjects- of course girls subjects physics/maths/further maths for example- it enables everyone to make the choices they wanted without peer pressure or being the only girl for example!

Suitcaseseverywhere · 03/10/2021 06:22

My town has single sex state schools. My youngest DD went to the girls school and I was really glad that she wasn’t being subjected to the atrocious management and attitude of the SLT at the boys school.

Then they merged and it all fell to an arse. And she really suffered.

It’s the school ethos, not the single vs co-Ed that makes the difference.

lannistunut · 03/10/2021 06:27

Co-ed is outdated IMO, and you can often tell later in life who went to single ed settings.

We need aggressive attention devoted to tackling the harassment of women and girls rather than segregation. Unfortunately I don't think will get this Angry, but I still would not favour segregated education.

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