Page 6 | Dropping out of wedding last minute

weddingwedding · 2021-10-02T17:48:01+00:00

Wedding booked for next weekend, save the dates went out last year and invitations 2 months ago. Wedding taking place is brides home town, lots of Londoners travelling down. A group of 6 RSVP'd yes but did not book accommodation until this week and there is nothing left so now can't make it. Caterers paid etc, bride annoyed. Who is BU? Guests or bride?

RaginaPhalange · 02/10/2021 22:37

Guests.

I also think 2 months notice is giving enough notice. My wedding was planned and booked within 2 months I also had a large group of people coming from different areas.

ChrissyPlummer · 02/10/2021 22:38

Hmmmm….I’m having a similar dilemma, I’m a guest though. The venue is remote and has no on-site accommodation, I’m guessing as it’s so remote a taxi will be a bloody fortune. The bride has already asked if we’ve booked anything yet (wedding next June) as hotels (in the nearest town, which is v small) are getting booked up already.

The truth is that I’m not allowed to book leave until this December for next year, my work week is Sun-Sat so will mean going across 2 weeks of leave for the sake of 3 days. I’m not risking booking a hotel that I may not get refunded on until I’m definitely sure I can get the leave.

TBH I think it’s a piss take as this venue is in neither the bride or grooms hometown but will look good in pics for the socials 🙄. It’s in a very inconvenient place for pretty much everyone attending.

EL8888 · 02/10/2021 22:40

Guests. Surely they can find something within driving distance?

ItWasAgathaAllAlong · 02/10/2021 22:43

Wedding invites usually go out months and months before, not 6 weeks

This ^

My cousin's save the dates went out (again) in January this year, and invites went out (again) 16 weeks ago for this autumn (3rd time trying with Covid). We had to reply by 8 weeks before the wedding (so mid-August)... and then it was postponed (again) 2 weeks later until 2022.

I do think the OP has been too optimistic thinking an 8 week lead in is OK in this Covid world to send invites out, but equally the guests appear to be badly organised too.

jelly79 · 02/10/2021 22:48

100% guests! In this scenario it doesn't matter when the invitations went out as they waited a further 5 weeks to sort accommodation

Poor show that

BoredZelda · 03/10/2021 00:01

As per pp said, it’s probably that everything left now is more expensive than if they’d booked 7 weeks ago like everyone else

Maybe they couldn’t? I mean, nobody leaves it until they week before, if they can help it.

Is it a group of 6, or is it a family of 6? If it is the latter, last week was payday, perhaps they couldn’t book until they got paid. Maybe they were waiting for their boss to confirm they had time off. Attending a wedding as a guest takes organising of transport, gift, outfits. You don’t wait until the last minute for all that.

I’m also surprised that paying for all catering up front is a thing. Every venue we looked at, you paid a deposit, then a 90% payment when confirmed likely numbers and after the wedding you settled up with the actual numbers. Do people really charge for meals that aren’t served?

BoredZelda · 03/10/2021 00:03

TBH I think it’s a piss take as this venue is in neither the bride or grooms hometown but will look good in pics for the socials 🙄. It’s in a very inconvenient place for pretty much everyone attending.

Or, it is a place that markets themselves as a wedding venue and they saw it and liked it. If it is so massively inconvenient, it wouldn’t survive as a venue. Sounds like you don’t rate the bride much so you won’t be missed.

MaggieFS · 03/10/2021 06:38

I don't buy the argument about waiting to see as things are so up and down. Hotel cancellation policies have never been so generous as they are now.

garlictwist · 03/10/2021 06:53

I wouldn't book accommodation based on a save the date card and would wait for my invitation. If they guests tried to book accommodation on receipt of the invitation and there wasn't any, then the invitation came too late.

However I find it hard to believe they can't find anywhere to stay at all. How far is the wedding from London? Could they hire a drive a campervan and drive down/sleep in that?

LadyGAgain · 03/10/2021 07:40

How far away is the wedding from where they live? Come to the wedding and drive to somewhere with accommodation even if 30 mins away.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/10/2021 07:46

Ridiculous to suggest invites were too late, especially after a save the date; if OP had sent them before I guarantee that, in typical MN style, folk would say they were to early instead

FWIW I don't believe that there's nothing available either - and bookings can often be cancelled up to 24hrs before, for those blaming Covid

Sorry, OP, but despite the predictable excuses it's just plain rudeness

cptartapp · 03/10/2021 07:53

Guests.
But if they've left it so late to book and now say there's nothing, I'd be wondering how's much they are really bothered about attending in the first place.

NautaOcts · 03/10/2021 07:55

@DollyPartBaked

Guests - they should find something further out and arrange for transportation.

This ^^

pelosi · 03/10/2021 08:01

Sounds like they want you to put them up.

If they don’t attend and don’t even send a gift to say sorry, I’d cancel then out of my lives.

hamilfanz · 03/10/2021 08:33

Is there really nothing available that's a commutable distance? Unless in remote highlands I'd assume they either aren't that bothered or are struggling for money if they options are too expensive.
If they rsvp'd yes and now saying no they are being unreasonable obviously as they shouldn't have said yes before they had made accommodation plans

londonrach · 03/10/2021 08:37

Guests but very short notice. Guests should have booked accommodation asap due to lack of notice

PlonkyWillyWonky · 03/10/2021 08:42

Two months notice is enough for a wedding invitation. Your guests are incredibly rude

shouldistop · 03/10/2021 08:43

Guests but I would have sent the invitations 3 months before.

Summerbreeze4 · 03/10/2021 08:46

What is a group of 6? One family? 3 couples? 6 singles? Just wondering how they coukd split up for air bnb,
I think you need to find some accommodation soon and send a link, otherwise why can’t they come for the reception and get public transport home, assuming they would have to miss the evening do. Do they actually want to come? Are they close friends?
You should be able to get some money back per head at this stage.

vajingleberry · 03/10/2021 09:03

I think you need to find some accommodation soon and send a link

Why on earth is it up to the OP to do this.

Presumably they are fully functioning adults with access to telephones and google. Should she offer to drop off their dry cleaning too and arrange for thier pets to be looked after for the weekend?

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 03/10/2021 09:15

I don't understand people saying the invitations went out too late - there'd been a save the date a year ago. And invitations went out 2 months ago. Surely you'd book accommodation as soon as the invitation confirmed the date you have had on your calendar since last year? It's crazy to wait until the week before.

Asleanna · 03/10/2021 09:17

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

I don't understand people saying the invitations went out too late - there'd been a save the date a year ago. And invitations went out 2 months ago. Surely you'd book accommodation as soon as the invitation confirmed the date you have had on your calendar since last year? It's crazy to wait until the week before.

In normal times, yes. In covid times, no. I know so many people who gave out save the dates last year who then changed their guest list. If I received a save the date last year, I absolutely would not assume I'm invited this year!

ChrissyPlummer · 03/10/2021 09:27

@BoredZelda

TBH I think it’s a piss take as this venue is in neither the bride or grooms hometown but will look good in pics for the socials 🙄. It’s in a very inconvenient place for pretty much everyone attending.

Or, it is a place that markets themselves as a wedding venue and they saw it and liked it. If it is so massively inconvenient, it wouldn’t survive as a venue. Sounds like you don’t rate the bride much so you won’t be missed.

Well, an ex-colleague lives in the nearest town, so if one of his daughters was getting married then it would be ideal. It’s 200-odd miles away for me and three days leave to use as we’ll have to go the day before and won’t be able to return home until the day after, I don’t get every weekend off work.

Another friend got married in a city centre church and had the reception at a posh hotel there. Negotiated a special room rate with the hotel, if guests didn’t want to stay it was about 20 miles max for most of them or there were plenty of other hotels to choose from.

When I got married, I did it because I wanted to be with my DH, not for the views/photos/party/amounts of people I could ask.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 03/10/2021 09:46

In normal times, yes. In covid times, no. I know so many people who gave out save the dates last year who then changed their guest list. If I received a save the date last year, I absolutely would not assume I'm invited this year!

I agree totally - which is why i said:
'Surely you'd book accommodation as soon as the invitation confirmed the date you have had on your calendar since last year.

If they were nervous that things might still change and they couldn't find a refundable place, they'd could have booked accommodation a month ago or a fortnight ago - not a week ago. And really, you don't RSVP ' yes' if you are unsure whether you're going to go.

DemelzaRobins · 03/10/2021 09:57

Guests are unreasonable.

We had a wedding earlier this year and found accommodation a week before the wedding after our original accommodation fell through - we had agreed to stay with family who decided at the last minute that they didn't want us in case of Covid.

We just had to keep looking further away until we found something. You only drop out of a wedding at short notice if simply unavoidable, like illness. They should have booked something 2 months ago when they got the invite!